This is the cold that never ends !

I am sooooooooooo sick. Not just sick but insanely sick. I have the mother of all colds. I have the stuffy nose, the runny nose, the sneezing, the coughing, the aching, the chills, the full on congestion. The kind of cold that you have to sleep with your mouth open because you can’t breathe through your nose and then you wake up with dry nose and dry mouth. This weekend was filled with medicine… Mucinex, Dayquil and Theraflu, Oh My !

Unfortunately, I am not sick alone. CJ is sick with me too. I so wanted to stay in bed this morning. But you see, I don’t have sick time yet at work so I would have to take it unpaid. And to add to that, I am pretty sure that if CJ and I keep going down this path, he will be sent home from the YMCA sometime this week and I will have to leave work to get him. So I am holding out for that time instead. Then we can both rest at home.

I am not sure what is going on. I mean I have been sick non stop since we moved back to RI. I was finally getting better to the point that I actually thought it was going away. And then BOOM ! It surprised me. I sometimes wonder if there is something in the house that is making me sick. And not just me but we have all been sick. We joke that we have been passing it back and forth between us but enough is enough. I did a full blown disinfecting clean before Thanksgiving because Jose’s mom was coming over and then I got sick right after. How is that possible? That is what led me to think that maybe it’s something in the house. I mean we can’t possibly just keep getting sick like this.

You know what this feels like:

This is the cold that never ends. It goes on and on my friend. Some people starting getting it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue getting it forever just because….this is the cold that never ends. It goes on and on my friend. LMAO.

The Holiday Season

Christmas is in 3 days. Christmas Eve in 2. My tree has been up since Thanksgiving weekend. Stockings are hung. Most of the presents are wrapped under the tree. But something is missing.

Maybe it’s the year that we have had. The two moves we had, one of which was up the coast back to RI. My mother-in-law’s battle with cancer. The kids struggle with school…everywhere. Being jobless for several months through the summer due to the move and feeling completely helpless. The continued pain of knowing that my mother is just fine with what happened with us. Along with a lot of little things, this was just a year that has definitely taken its toll on me.

Maybe it’s still the feeling of not having a home. For a while Jose and I didn’t even want to buy. The responsibility of everything that comes with it and the burden of feeling stuck really got us down. It wasn’t just us though, we watched many people around us go through the same situation. But being on flip side of it and never knowing what will happen at the end of our lease sucks. It’s an unsettling feeling. Not being able to paint and live comfortably as it is our own home sucks too. The last rental we had in NC was great, except for the area. The landlords were amazing and the house was awesome. It really did feel like home and if I could have picked it up and moved it, I would have been thrilled. But alas we don’t live in a magic land so we had to look for something else. We were tired of the thought of moving so we decided to buy. Still with a little fear of what we were buying we went with a rent to own home. That was short lived but the time that we were there really was amazing. That was home. The house, the neighborhood, the neighbors and everything that went with it. The ideas I had for that place to really make it spectacular. The decorating and upgrades planned. The plan for the shed and the deck. Coming back to RI was not what created this horrible feeling of loss for me. It was having to leave HOME. I hope and pray to find HOME here when our lease is up and then maybe I can get the spirit back.

Or maybe it’s just a sign of the times. People are selfish and grouchy. I hope that it’s not just a sign of the times because that would totally ruin Christmas for me. The commercialism has taken over and the spirit is just gone. I can’t believe what people will do to get the presents they want, the things that parents will do and pay for to get the kids all of the stuff they want. It is all about what “I” want for Christmas everywhere I turn. Everyone trying to outdo the next person. Trying to buy more than last year. Trying to spoil our kids to the point that they no longer even understand the value of a dollar. What has this world come to?

I have gone through the motions. Everything is done but the feeling is not there. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. It’s doesn’t feel joyous and happy. I am still hoping that the feeling kicks me in butt on Christmas Eve so that I can enjoy all that comes with it. But as of right now, it feels like something big is missing.

An Early Christmas Present

Nathan gave me the best Christmas present that I could ever get.

I got a call from his guidance counselor yesterday to let me know that he is all caught up. He has handed in all his assignments. He is doing great. He got a 100 on his last two math tests and a 99 on his Spanish test. He seems to have taken the step to get on track and work to his potential that I knew was in him.

I am so proud of him. Words can’t even explain my feeling. This is truly the best gift that I could get from him. I knew that he could do it.

Now I just need to find the Christmas Spirit. More about that tomorrow.

Family Pictures

I just wanted to share some of our family pictures that we took a couple of weeks ago.

Parenting

Being a parent is one of the hardest and selfless thing that I have ever had to do. I know that I take a lot of time to vent about how my children can really hit my last nerve…over and over again. Mainly it’s because this is where I vent so it’s easy to come here and speak my mind. But I sometimes forget to come here and talk about the good times. I mean we do have good times. You don’t all think that I spend each and every night yelling at my kids and punishing them, right?

Of course I am having a hard time with them this year in school and I hope to have taken the bull by the horns, so to speak ! They are good kids though. I have not had to deal with drugs, alcohol or pregnancy. Sure I wish they were more respectful in the house and didn’t fight with each other. Sure I wish they would clean more. But they are home each night. They do things when I ask them…I might have to ask them several times but they do it…eventually. They don’t ask for a lot. I feel like they ask for too much because I am their mother but in comparison to what I hear other kids asking for, they are a blessing. I wish they would take their education more seriously but maybe that will come with time. I can’t mold them into a robotic children.

They have good days and bad days. We have good times and bad times as a family. They still enjoy playing board games with mom. They still humor me when I want them to watch old holiday shows. They humor me with old traditions that I hold near and dear. I think that once they do grow up and are on their own, that they will be pretty good well rounded adults. I think that it might take them a little longer to move out and grow up and be on their own but that only means that I will get to enjoy them longer.

My Angel Turns 18 in Heaven

I want to wish my angel in heaven a happy 18th birthday today. I always imagine what you would be like. What your hair would look like. How close you and your siblings would be. What kind of relationship we would have.

I was so young when I got pregnant but losing you was the most devastating thing a 19 year could go through. The hope that I had that you would overcome all odds and make it was tremendous. My faith was and is very strong and that is what got me through that time. I know that God had something better for you and I try not to be jealous that he gets to see each day because I know that one day, I will get to see you each day too.

Being a parent is one of the hardest and selfless thing I have ever had to do. It brings me great joy to be a mother but with that joy also comes a fear. Fear that you get hurt. Fear that something will happen to you. Fear that you will leave. Fear that that I will lose you. It is obvious. With great love, there is great fear of losing that love.

I love you my dear Bianca. You will forever be my babygirl. You will forever be in my heart.

The Never-Ending Sickness

I just have to say that I have been sick since we moved back to RI. It started with a stomach bug and a headache and then into a small cold that just doesn’t go away. It gets worse and then it gets better and just when I think that it might be going away…BAM! It comes back strong. I am really tired of it already!

I haven’t decided if I want to believe that it’s the climate change that is doing this to me or if I have just had some really bad luck with this cold. I have to be thankful though that it hasn’t been too bad. I have been able to get up each and every morning and go about my business. There are days that are obviously worse than others but overall, they are bearable and that is all that I can ask for. Having started a new job in September, I was worried. I can’t really afford to take any time out with no sick time yet. Each day I manage to drag myself through the workday to go home and crash. It’s dinner, cleaning up quickly, homework and bed. Seriously, that has been it. I think that I have been in bed between 8-9pm each night since I started working. And some nights maybe even earlier. I feel like I have no energy for my family and that is not a feeling I want to have. I think that it might be time to get some much needed vitamins into my diet.

The Gingerbread Train

We moved back to be closer to family and cherish each moment we have with them. It certainly hasn’t felt like that is what we are doing though. I have actually heard from some family and friends that it almost doesn’t seem like we are back because they never see us. Part of that is because we truly are home bodies. We love to be at home. But the other part of that is that we are just lazy and taking time, once again, for granted. We know that if we don’t go today that we can go tomorrow. And if we can’t go this week, we can always go next week. That is a bad frame of mind to be in and one that I need to snap out of.

So Sunday Jose and I decided to grab CJ and Nathan and go spend time at his mom’s. And I decided to add a special treat, I took the Gingerbread Train that I had bought for them to do together. It was nice, sweet, sentimental and just perfect. They both had a blast working on the train (Nathan helped too periodically). It was a moment that I will remember always. And of course I got some great pics to remember the moment too. I am sharing a few on here.

Don't Underestimate a Home

I am jealous of the families that live in one house most of their lives. A house that they have turned from a dwelling to a home of their own. A house changed piece by piece until it is exactly what they wanted. A house filled with memories. A house that feels like home to all who enter, but mostly to those who live in it.

I am tired of moving. I have said it before and I will continue to say it until I have my home…again. I don’t necessarily want to be in the same home forever, or maybe that wouldn’t be so bad since I have moved around enough for my lifetime. I would like a home that I can settle into for a good 6 years at least though. That is tough for me to say because everyone knows that I love NC and I miss it terribly. The home that I am looking for now is here in RI. It’s official, I have said it out loud.

This is where our circumstances have brought us. I trust that God has led us here because this is where we are meant to be for now. Don’t feel bad for me, it’s not a bad thing. Granted this is not what we had planned and I would never have guessed that we would be back here but we are. I have never regretted a decision and I won’t start now. There are many upside to being in RI, family and friends being the main thing. We come back with a different understanding about things though and different expectations of things. We are in a much better situation than we were in when we left RI. We have put ourselves in this better situation because we know better. We have a tremendous amount of support from our family and friends. The school system the kids are in is amazing…much to my surprise. We have great jobs that both enjoy. The only thing really missing is a home. I am confident that we will find our home with our next move in June. Yes, the thought of packing up and moving again makes me cringe…more than anyone could ever know. But the thought of a home gives me a warm and cozy feeling that I can’t wait to have.

I long for a home that CJ can remember growing up in. A home that we can paint the walls. I home that we can pull up carpets. A home where we can lay down flooring. A home that we can put up curtains. A home that we can paint cabinets. A home that feels like home. A house that we turn into a home, not only by the things that we put into it but love and memories that house will hold through time. My memories are scattered throughout homes right now and CJ just thinks that it’s normal to move from house to house. It has become sort of a joke with us as a family…a joke that I don’t find very funny by the way…lol.

As far as NC, well…that is something that will just have to be left for the future. How far into the future you ask? Well, let me think about this logically instead with emotion. Nathan will be starting high school next year and I know for sure that we cannot move until he graduates. Unfortunately that means that CJ will going into 5th grade which is not a good time for him to move either. So ideally the best time for us venture to move again would be in 2017. Larissa will be 23 and on her own (I hope), Nathan will be out of high school and CJ will be moving onto middle school. Wow! I don’t want to really think that far ahead. I don’t want my babies to be so grown. It makes me sad to think that my babies won’t be babies anymore and won’t need me. But that is a different post for a different day all together. NC will always be waiting there and so will all of the great friends that became our family there. I am sure that we will make many trips to visit and will hate leaving each time. It is a great feeling though to know that we have such a great place to visit and get away from our everyday lives.

I also don’t know where life will lead us. Six years is a long time away and a lot can happen during that time. Who knows where we will want to go or not go after that time. Who knows where we will consider home at that time. Maybe we will get so comfortable that we will want to stay here. I have an open mind.

A Special Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday. The house was full of food and family, the way that is should be. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Vanessa, we got some amazing family pics too. It really was a day to celebrate. We celebrated Jose's mom going into remission. I got to pull out my holiday wine cups and we had a toast to the amazing news....to many more years together.

Sadly though, when everyone went home and we were left to the quiet of the night, a litte sense of something missing kicked in. I miss NC. With the amazing day we had, that should not have even been a thought in my mind but it was. I miss home, the home in NC. There is just something about Concord, NC that is home to me. There is a joy that it brings to me. The kids seem to have been at their happiest there. We had our home that we had finaly decided to buy in a great community. It was what home should feel like. So I sat alone and just cried for what was missing.

Now that I got that out of the way, I want to add that we made the decision to move with an open mind. I wanted to do it as much as Jose. I encourged it and I have no regrets. This is where we need to be right now. I am pretty sure that I feel this way because we have not been able to find "home" here yet. Of course I was hoping that the home we are in now would be our "home" but that just isnt' the case. I think that once we find a home here, that I won't have that empty feeling that I have now. The whole where home was. Or maybe Concord, NC will always be home to me.

Jose and I are blessed. We have great friendships and families in both states. We have our long time friends here that are like family to us. We have family here. But we have that there too. It is so hard to think of being away from people we love no matter where we are. It is something that we will have to always deal with. I wish that we could have everyone with us in NC and then life would be perfect. Anyone know of a star I can wish on...lol?

So I hope that everyone had as nice of a Thanksgiving as we did. We certainly had something to be thankful for. And I will hold on harder to the wonderful moments in life. Missing things in my life means that I had the joy of having them in the first place, something some people never get to have. We truly have so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

what I am NOT doing

Larissa is a senior in high school. After reading another post that I love to read daily (Clover Lane), I started to really think about how much I am missing the college application process with my daughter. I am not filling out applications, I am not visiting schools and I am not discussing majors.

I was raised by a single mother who paid for me to go through catholic school from 1st grade to 8th grade. It was a small school. My 8th grade class had 16 kids, 8 girls and 8 boys that all graduated together. I pretty much got straight A’s and school was very natural to me. When it came time for high school, my mother could no longer afford the catholic school so I went to a public school that required an entrance exam. I passed and that is where I went. It was a culture shock for me because my freshman class had 216 kids ! I remember my senior year like it was yesterday. How I loved to learn and still do. I went to a great high school academically but it certainly did not help me prepare for what would happen after high school even though it was college prep.

I have always had a desire to learn. I think that my desire to learn was actually a handicap for me because I wanted to learn it all and could not decide what I wanted to do with my life. My guidance counselor did not do anything to help me either. The only help I got was that stupid fill in the circles paper that asked you a bunch of questions and then said…you might want to look into…doctor, lawyer, cop, ect. That based strictly on what you answered. I didn’t have any personal meetings with counselors to talk about my future. And if it was up to me, I would do it all ! I needed someone to sit with me and talk about all of my interests and explain the degrees and where they could get me and what was required for degrees. I also wish that they had walked me through more financial aid options. But that was the past and well, you can’t go back.

So I graduated high school and worked full time. The following January I went to Katherine Gibbs for Executive Assistant for 6 months and started working. I got married, I had two children and then I got divorced. Then I went back to school. I had the desire to learn at that point in my life. I wanted to be back in school. I wish that I had the desire to go after high school but I don’t regret the decision not to go. I wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t have applied myself the way that I do now because I didn’t want it then.

I wish that I was going through the whole college application and college visiting with my daughter, Larissa. I wish that she had the desire to go to college. I wish that she had the desire for anything. She is determined to graduate high school and I am so thankful that she finally got on board with that. Her high school years have been a nightmare academically. She simply doesn’t finish work, hand in work or care about work. Her attitude sucks and it kills me to see this attitude from my daughter when I raised her better than that through teaching and experience. She needs to want it and she simply does not.

She is an artsy person. She had done theatre, she can paint like nobody’s business, she likes ceramics and broadcasting. She is all about the arts. Even with the drive for the Arts, she is not motivated to plan for her future. I am constantly asking her what she plans on doing and she doesn’t know. I ask her what she would like to do and she doesn’t know. The more I push, the harder it gets and the less information I get. She is a good kid. She doesn’t hang with the wrong crowd. She has a great heart for people. She just seems lost. I have been trying to guide her because my mother was not there for me in this way. I don’t want to tell her what to do, I just simply want to help her understand that you have to have a dream, a goal and then show her ways to get to her goal. But I can’t even get there. I can always keep praying that she has a change of heart along the way!

Happy Birthday Larissa

My baby girl turned 17 today. 17! Oh my, where has the time gone. Life has a way of just sneaking by and you stop and look back and it's all just a blurr.

Each year, for as long as I can remember, I wake up my birthday child with a candle in something to sing Happy Birthday and I usually get a picture. I have used to pretty creative things too. I have used cupcakes, oreo cookies, Ring Dings, pancakes, toast and a list of other things. This year was no different. Here is the picture of Larissa's birthday awakening.



It is not a great picture, as most are not but they are memories. Memories that I will cherish forever. Tradition that I have already heard Nathan and Larissa speak of to friends. A tradition that I will try to uphold as long as I can.

I wanted to get her something special and something that wouldn't end up in the garbage in future years. I have been a decluttering bug and the last I want is to bring more unnecessary things into the house. So, I had the perfect plan. Larissa's friend Cassandra lives in NY. Larissa and Cassandra met in NC. They went to high school together at Robinson. Cassandra moved back to NY with her mom and shortly after, we moved back to RI. I made plans with Cassandra's mom to have her come spend the weekend with Larissa...as a surprise. Then I tormented Larissa a little. I told her that her surprise started with the letter "C" and that it was something she had in NC and she was really sad when she didn't have it anymore. She had everyone trying to guess what it was. I tried to get her off any idea that it might be a person.

That was the easy part. Larissa, of course, wanted to make plans because it was her birthday. That put some stress on me to continue to keep her secret but not mess things up. I paid for Cassandra to come in on the train after discussing it with her mother. Today, it all went downhill...lol. The kiosk's were down at Penn Station so everyone missed their trains. If that wasn't bad enough, they realized once they got to Penn Station that Cassandra had left her ID at home. Poor Susan (Cassandra's mom), was trying to make it all work. I got a call at work at 1pm saying that she was going to drive Cassandra here. I couldn't allow her to waste all that time and gas because for her, it was going to be a round trip. I thought about meeting her half way and then it hit me...the bus. Larissa and I used to take the bus into NY all the time. So for $25 we got Cassandra on the 4pm bus to Providence. But it's NY and it was Friday so the bus didn't actually leave until 4:45. And with traffic, it actually did not arrive in Providence until almost 9:30. I am sure that Larissa was totally aggravated at this point about her surprise, wondering what on earth it might be. It was worth all the aggravation though because the moment when she opened her eyes and saw Cassandra was priceless. I could have made the commercial myself...lol.

$145 Round trip Train fair from NY to Providence and back

$25 One way trip from NY to Providence after the train was missed

Seeing my daughter scream and cry when she saw Cassandra....PRICELESS !

Larissa, I love you more than you will ever know. It has been an adventurous 17 years. You have been anything but boring...lol. We have definately had our ups and downs. There are times when I wonder if we will kill each other with our stubborn ways but at the end of it all, I couldn't ask for a better daughter. I love your bright personality and the incredible heart that you have. It has been amazing watching you grow from a tiny little baby, to an active toddler, to a bubbly young girl, to a creative teen and now into a beautiful and amazing young lady. I love you always!

RIP Sophia

Dreams are great. They give us something to strive for, something to work for. But sometimes we get lost in our dreams to the point that we forget to live for today. Life is short. There is so much we want to do and to accomplish. The things that we add to our bucket list to do someday. What if someday never comes. Morbid thought, I know, but true nonetheless.

Jose and I have dreams. We hope to our own home, a home that the kids can remember spending time in and growing up in. Nathan and Larissa remember Beetle St but CJ just remembers being everywhere. We hope to establish ourselves in jobs that we can have longevity in. We have things we would like for our house that we will have. We want to grow old gracefully and be comfortable. We want to be able to see our grandkids grow up. We want to be able to travel. Great dreams to have. Great dreams to strive for. Dreams to be fulfilled in the future.

Believe it or not, I had all that written yesterday and this morning I found out that a dear friend in Egypt had passed away this weekend. Sophia was my age. She had a daughter that is Larissa's age. The two girls actually are friends too. Sophia had moved to Egypt in 2005 to be with her husband. They tried living a life there but it was hard for them being Americans. She did all that she could. This past year, she felt the struggle of her daughter and brought her to the states so that she could graduate high school and lead as normal a life as she could. Her daughter, Marsella, is devestated to say the least. She feels horrible to have left her mother in Egypt alone. She is now alone. The news hit me like a ton of bricks.

Life is never what you expect it. Tomorrow is not promised. Kiss your loved ones, spend time with them and tell them that you love them because when you are no longer here in this world, those will be things that they remember.

RIP Sophia because you were an amazing wife, mother and friend !

What Has Been Going On?

So what have I been up to and why have I not had time to blog? I am finally back into the working world and much happier too. I think that I thrive in this caotic enviornment I guess...lol. The hustle and bustle of crazy mornings followed by a full day of work and back to the hustle and bustle of the evenings just seem to be who I am. Unfortunately, I need to find a routine to get back to blogging because it seems to have taken a back burner to everything else.

The kids are settling into their schools. Larissa is working harder than I have ever seen her work and I am so proud of her. Nathan has been working harder too. CJ is adjusting to being at school all day long without a nap. He has come home and crashed several times. I am loving my new job and having two incomes again is making life much easier on us. We are setting a plan into action now on how to save and what we can pay off. Life is good right now and I need to keep that in persepective.

Of course I am missing North Carolina too. I miss my wonderful friends that we made there that are like family to us. I miss our home. The home that we were finally going to purchase and call our own. The home that CJ would remember growing up in. It's a little hard to swallow that all that has changed but everything happens for a reason and I know that.

Jose's mom is doing well...as well as can be expected. She has been doing her chemo and she is soon getting ready to do the bone marrow transplant. She has held up really well up until now. She is a strong woman. I pray she continues to have the strength she needs to get through this.

Last night I spent some much needed time talking to God. I had to let him know how much I was thankful for everything that we have. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed. I have three amazing children who are healthy and smart. I have the most amazing man in my life who is my soul mate in every sense of the word. We share dreams and desires. We respect each other. Everything else will just fall into place. Thank you God for making all this possible.

The 1st Day of School

The summer seems to have gone on forever with me, especially since the 1st day of school was postponed a whole week thanks to Hurricane Irene. The kids all started school this Tuesday though. They are all enjoying school.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.

Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.

Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.

He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.

Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.

Happy Birthday Devmani

I wanted to take the time to wish my oldest godson a very happy birthday. He has always been in my life and I hope that he always will. I hope to continue to grow my relationship with him as he gets older. I love you so much sweetie. I hope you have the most amazing day filled with family and friends.

Hurricane Irene, Diana's Bachelorette Party and Thoughts

So the worst of Hurricane Irene has passed, actually it hit us as Tropical Storm Irene. We were very lucky. According to the news, we still have another 6-8 hours of winds to finish up the tale end of the storm but the worst has passed. We managed to make it this far without losing power so I hope that we can end it with power as well. We have some large branches down in the back and we think a few more will end up going down before this is over. Sadly, the first day of school has been moved to Tuesday for Nathan and CJ and Larissa will be going Tuesday as planned...she is not happy about it though...lol.

Yesterday was Diana's Bachelorette Party and it was so nice to be with the girls once again like that. It was a celebration for Diana but we had such a great time talking about anything and everything. Laughing, eating and drinking were all part of the day. The day the ended with us going over our Bucket Lists and leaving me thinking about our accomplishments this year so far and what we still want to accomplish. Some candid talk was also part of our day. If you can't count on your closest friends to tell you like it is then I don't know who you can count on.

So after the great day of looking back and then being stuck home all day due to Hurricane Irene, it has left me with nothing to do but think. September is just around the corner and only four months left to the year. There are some things that I am still looking to accomplish this year...with a job being at the top of that list. But it has left me thinking much further down the road. The biggest question has always been...what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I don't have a job lined up yet and the kids will be returning to school on Tuesday, I have decided to go to CCRI on Tuesday and talk to someone about my goals and how to make them happen. I know that I won't be able to go back to school until January the earliest because it's already too late for this semester and I don't have the money since I am not working but I need to find out what will be ahead when I am ready.. I just want to look over what I have and what I need to get to...well, to get where I want to go. So that leaves me thinking about where I want to go with my life. It's time to talk to someone who understands education more than I do and have a conversation about being a big girl...lol. I think that it's only fair for me to have a plan since I am expecting the same of my daughter who is a senior. So that is what it weighing heavy on my mind at this time.

My Balance

This weekend I had a melt down. A meltdown over something so small that I don't even remember what it was. I lie, I do remember but I am too embarrassed to admit it. You see, the ice-cream truck comes every single day at noon and again at 4:30 and parks right in front of my house for about 5 minutes. I don't mind getting ice-cream for the kids but I am not working and spending the money they charge on ice-cream each day so that this ice-cream truck driver can put his kids through school is not my idea of how we are going to get through this tough time. So I said no and CJ had a tantrum which seemed to go on forever because the damn truck wouldn't go away with the musical song it plays through it's duration. That was it. And it went downhill from there.

At the end of my melt down because I obviously thought I had not effected my family enough, I did the one thing that I had never done before...I turned my anger at Jose. Being the most amazing man in the world, he let me finish my own tantrum and then calmly talked to me. He understands how it wasn't about the ice-cream truck at all but about everything. The move after move, the unpacking, the being home with the kids all summer, the endless appointments to get them ready for school, my weight and most importantly...my unemployment situation.

We all have a balance in our lives that keep us sane. Everyone's balance is different depending on your life. My balance has always been about home and work. I have said it a million times over and I will say it again...I give the stay at home moms the biggest credit in the world. I have always worked though. I have always been independent and I have a desire to become something in addition to my wonderful role of trying to be the best mother possible, which I was far from this weekend. My job has always grounded me by bringing in the balance. Being away all day, working hard and discovering who I am and what I want to be, only made me a better person and allowed me to walk through my doors with a clear head and open arms. I don't have that sanity right now. The past couple of months have just gotten worst as the time goes on. My search for a job continues but I have had no offers and it has added a great amount of stress on my part.

Not having a job throws off my balance. Much like not having my children throws off my balance or Jose being away throws off my balance. Those are norms in my life and when something is shifted, the tower is likely to fall. I fell this weekend.

Jose reassured me that just like everything else, we will get through this too. We have been through a lot in the past couple of years. It doesn't help that I was also sick this weekend and that just added to my feeling like crap...lol. I am better today and trying to stay focused on the things that need to be done before school starts next week. I have middle school open house today, Kindergarten open house and orientation tomorrow and Nathan's dr's appointment on Wednesday. Wednesday is also Jose's birthday and I had wanted to throw a big surprise party for him for his 30th but with me not working, that just can't happen which really disappoints me.

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason so I am going to remember that and realize that there is a reason that I have not found a job yet. I need to really try to enjoy this last week of summer vacation with my kids because it is coming to a close very quickly. Thank you all for enduring my endless rant about the my off balance life.

Returning to Work

I am ready to return to work. Actually I have been ready to return to work for a while now...lol. I give so much credit to stay at home mom's but it's just not for me. I love getting up early, dressing up, having adult interaction and being able to return home clear headed and ready to be a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being home. I have enjoyed sleeping later and playing with the kids but I have missed...me. I feel like I am losing myself. That must sound so selfish. I know that for a lot of moms out there, this is who they are and that is great. But this is not who I am. I mean, I am a mom and I think that I am a pretty good mom but I am a better mom when I am not stressed and I am enjoying time with my children. I think that I am spending too much time trying to defend my feelings. Truthfully, they are what they are.

So I have been actively looking once again and of course, we all know the economy has not fully bounced back yet so it isn't easy. I know that something will come along. I know that any company would be lucky to have me and I know that I can I sell myself...that sounds bad but you know what I mean. I have to make myself marketable. I have another interview on Friday with another agency and I keep applying for anything out there that I am qualified for. Something is bound to fall into my lap sooner or later. I am trying to stay focused because I know that if it's meant to be that it will happen. Until then, I am happy spending my free time with my three crazy children who seem to be growing up way too quickly.

Slow & Steady Wins the Race

So for those of you that don't know, I am attempting to get healthier. I have been trying to do this for a few years but this time I just decided to jump in. I just started on Tuesday. I have been doing a workout routine every day so far but I will not be disappointed if there is a day that I can't find time to do it. Along with the exercise, I am also changing other small things. I have been drinking a LOT more water. That is actually an understatement since I actually don't like water and have never been able to do drink a lot of it. Now I am drinking close to 14 glasses a day at 16 oz each. That is pretty good. And the more I drink, the more my body craves it. That is one craving that I can give in to.
I also wanted to add that today was Diana's shower and I was a bit worried but totally prepared to not eat as healthy as I have been trying to. Well I think that I did great. I had fresh fruit, one pancake and a fruit & yogurt parfait (is that how you spell that?). Then it was time for her to cut her cake and it was....cheesecake. I did great though. I took two bites. It was the best cheesecake that I have ever tasted but the two spoonfuls were enough to kill my cravings. We went out for drinks afterwards too and again I think that I made some decent choices. I had a Corona Light instead of a calorie packed Margarita. I did however have loaded nachos, which I am sure had some loaded calories but since that was basically my lunch, I think it was ok. Now it is past dinner time and I have to admit that I am still not hungry. I am once again having another glass of water to quench my thirst because my body is asking for it. I am getting ready to do my 20 minute intense workout for the second time today so I am feeling really good today !
I hope that I can keep this up.

Getting Back on Track

It has been a while since I wrote last. Since the last post, we have moved to RI to our wonderful new home. I get asked a lot if I like being back in RI and my answer is almost always the same...I still feel like I am on vacation. Although Jose goes off to work each day, I am home and the kids are home so it doens't quite feel like our normal lives.

Our house is great. It is starting to feel like home. Jose did an amazing job picking out the house. It really is us. The neighborhood is family oriented and great but we have yet to branch out and really meet our neighbors which are a majority our ages. There are tons of kids in the neighborhood but since the kids have not started school yet, they have not forged relationships yet either. I have a few pics of the house that I will post on here. They were taken a few weeks ago and some progress has been made since then. My biggest issue is that I just want to throw things out...lol. I know that sounds weird but with each move we have tried to downsize our stuff regardless of the space that we are moving to. In this last case we moved to a much bigger space than we had, or at least I think that it is because that is how it feels. But even with all the stuff that we got rid of, we still have so much shit in boxes...please excuse my french...lol. I have a lot more unpacked than I did in the last move but it still feels like too much stuff. I really need to find a way to get rid of everything I don't want. I have learned that I am happier with just a few things that I love instead of a ton of junk that I just like. Who would have thought...lol?

The kids are adjusting. Larissa will be a senior at Lincoln High School and she is going to summer school right now for Geometry. She has a packed schedule as a senior. All her classes are classes that she needs to pass in order to graduate and that is not normal for Larissa. It will not be an easy year to say the least but her advisor is amazing and has complete faith that together we can all make this happen. Nathan will be entering 8th grade and he too will be presented with a struggle from the beginning. He failed English and Math last year so he will be starting behind also. I have met with his advisor as well and she is going to be watching him from the beginning to make sure that he gets the extra help that he needs before it is too late. CJ will be starting Kindergarten this year as well. I went to his school and registered him. It seems really nice. He is excited about riding the school bus...lol. Over all the school systems seem amazing and I am impressed. One of the main reasons that we moved was because of the education and at this point, I am feeling like that might have been a mistake. That is a whole other post all together though and it is too soon for me to make any decisions or any remarks about the school system.

I am not working yet but will be looking for something soon. I give stay at home moms so much credit for all of their hard work but it is just not a job for me. I love having this time with my children but I feel that I am a much better mother when I have been away and have much more patience with them. Being away makes me sane and able to deal with the trials of the house and family. Being in the house all day long and then all night long has slowly began driving me insane.

I feel that this post is long enough now so here are some pics:
LARISSA'S ROOM

THE BOYS ROOM

OUR BEDROOM

OUR BATHROOM

OUR LIVING ROOM

Thanking God

I feel like it is necessary to take a moment and seriously thank God. Those of you that know me well, know that I pretty much always do what I set out to do. There are some big believers in "The Secret" and that you get what you put out there to the Universe. Although I also believe in this, I have a higher belief. I believe in God and that God can make all things possible.

When we made the decision as a family to move back to RI, we knew it wouldn't be easy and that it would require a lot of work because it was not something we were prepared for at all. As it turns out, every step of the way has actually been pretty painless. Every step of the way, I have been talking to God and asking for his help on this journey. With each step, he has answered my prayers.

Of course I put positive thoughts out into the Universe. But the positive thoughts come from the fact that I know God will hear my prayers and answer them as he sees fit. I trust that how they unfold is how they are meant to be and that he will always be there to help me through it. I trust completely in God and his power to make things happen.

Our journey so far has come together rather quickly. Jose found a job shortly after he started looking even in a tough economy. He was able to go up to RI early and spend some time with his mom and help us find a home. The house hunt also came along rather quickly. Some of you heard me complain about how long it felt but serioulsy, it wasn't long at all. The house is almost packed. The truck will be here tomorrow and loaded on Saturday. The kids are finishing up school next week and taking exams. Then we head out next week. Some would say that we have been pretty lucky. Luck had nothing to do with it.

I want to thank you God for always looking out for me, for always leading the way, for always answering my prayers and for always making me feel loved. I know that during these very hard times, it is You that is carrying me.

Busy, Busy, Busy

To say that I have been busy would be a huge understatement. This weekend I packed up my entire master bedroom and master bathroom, including walk in closet. Then Larissa and I started on the kitchen. We probably did about 50% of the kitchen and most of the living room too. I had all this energy and motivation. Then it all died down because we ran out of boxes...lol.

So I have to stop at Home Depot or Lowes to get a bundle of boxes and continue my packing frenzy. The truck will be here next Thursday and the 28th will be our official loading day.

And work has been no exception. I have been training people on my job and the days seem to pass so quickly which is a good thing when you are at work. Like I said...busy, busy, busy.

But not too busy to spend a little time with my kids. I took them to Cici's yesterday evening and then we got ice-cream. It was a great way to end a very productive weekend.

The things we do for love....

Aint that the truth ! It sounds like such a cheesey saying but it's so true. Not in the new love, teenage sense but in the really true love after many years sense. It is so hard to believe that Jose and I have been together for almost ten years. I guess we can't really count the ten years since we weren't together for a year and a half somewhere in the middle of it all. Even through that time when we weren't dating though, we were still the best of friends and our relationship was still growing.

I have been insanely stressed with our upcoming move. It's a lot to take in at once and the planning has been over the top...even for me. But I am trying to stay focused on how lucky I am to have the most amazing man in my life by my side. The hardest part of this whole move is that we will be apart for 4 weeks. I am sure that military wives out there would laugh at my mere 4 weeks but it is a big deal to me. I have comfort in knowing that he will be looking for a place for us to live and he will be there waiting for us to continue our lives together. Sappy, I know !

Many people have asked if we have thought this whole thing through. Trust me when I say that we have thought it to death ! People ask if we had thought about him going up by himself and me staying here with the kids. I am a mess thinking of the 4 weeks we are spending apart, can you imagine and undetermined amount of time? Besides, I wouldn't dream of not being there myself if something happened, not letting CJ enjoy this time with his grandmother and not being there for Jose should something happen. He is my rock and I would like to think that I am his as well. We get through tough times together...that is what we do. And that is what we are doing. This is the best decision for our family. This is where we need to be. And whatever home he finds for us will be wonderful because we will be there as a family together.

Is it really May already?!

It's May. Mother's Day is Sunday and Jose will be heading out in the morning. I am very happy that I will get to wake up Mother's Day with him. I am also very happy that he gets to see his mom on Mother's Day too. Once he leaves, the crunch begins. There is so much to do and so little time. Thank goodness I will be busy while we are apart or it would drive me crazy. With three kids and a house to pack...I should be very busy...lol.

Things are off to a good start though. Jose starts work next week. Both the kids schools have them scheduled for exams for June 1st and 2nd. Our leasing office for the house has been notified and we have done all the proper paperwork. I have a quote from the moving company. Mayi's flight is booked. And our house search is well underway. That is some good progress.

I still need to notify CJ's daycare. Call the utility companies to set up a shut off date. Make sure I drop off all the equipment to Time Warner Cable. Oh and pack the whole house of course...lol. All this while still doing the daily job of cooking, cleaning, homework and playing. Yeah, I will be busy.

Overwhelmed !

I am so overwhelmed with everything right now. I am trying to keep a grip on things and they seem to be slipping through my fingers, or at least that is how it feels today. Each step closer and I should feel less stress and yet I am feeling more overwhelmed. Mabye it's the thought that Jose will be leaving in two weeks and I will have the three kids by myself. Two of which really don't like me right now. Or maybe it's because I will be left with the daunting task of packing up the house pretty much by myself. Or maybe it's because my daughter has made it her mission in life to make this step in our lives be the hardest one ever.

All we ever want is for our families to be happy, our kids to be happy. The feeling of letting them down is one that you can't get past easily. I know that this too will pass. I know that once we are there and they are back with family and friends that all this will be forgotten. Do we all remember Larissa's big fight not to move to Concord High School? That was one of the best moves and she loves it there. And now I am dragging it away from her. Maybe it's the guilt in me that is eating me alive. The guilt that I took my kids over 800 miles away from all the family and friends that they knew to try to give them something better. The guilt of moving them from the schools they were comfortable with here to new schools only to realize that my kids can handle so much more than I give them credit for. And now this. After allowing them to get comfortable and call this home, I am taking it away...AGAIN.

Just hearing myself type these words makes me realize it's not all that bad. I am just having a bad day today...thanks to Larissa. The news of Jose getting the job was wonderful but it also was a dose of reality that slapped me in the face. The reality that he would be gone soon. The reality that we will be apart for four weeks. The reality of packing up and moving again. The reality of starting over again.

Unlike my daughter, I can see the good in things. I can't wait to see all the great family and friends that we have there that I miss so much. I can't wait to see my best friend and cry in her arms about how emotional I am. I can't wait to sit on Bianca's couch and watch the kids play on a regular basis. I can't wait to take a ride with Mayi so she can tell me how stupid I am being about this. I can't wait to have coffee at Mami & taste Papi's cooking again. I can't wait to see Diana get married. I can't wait to hang out at Amy's and spend more time with my godson and his new baby sister. I can't wait to play cards with Didi. I can't wait to have dinner with Danny. I will probably be mad when I realize that I am probably forgetting someone really important because I am just rambling. I look forward to Nathan and Larissa enjoying more time with their paternal grandmother while we have time with her...and CJ with his grandmother. I look forward to seeing some old friends that I have not been able to see on previous trips.

If this whole experience has taught me anything, it is that we think we have so much time to spend with the people we really care about and so much time to tell them how much they mean to us but life is really short. Each day is a blessing and tomorrow is not promised to us. So although this is a bad day, I am looking forward to the next step on our lives together.

Updates

We have been busy getting everything ready for yet another move. I am starting to feel like a gypsy. I have already settled everything with the schools. Both Nathan and Larissa will be taking exams on June 1st and 2nd with the 3rd being reserved for retesting if they need it.
Jose is desperately looking for a job but no offers have been made yet. He has made the decision to give his two weeks and head up to RI where he will be able to go to places and talk to people and if all else fails, go through a temp agency for now.
I am packing again ! The thought kills me. Thankfully I wasn't completely unpacked yet but it still sucks. I have been getting rid of a lot of stuff. Stuff that we have lugged with us from one house to another without using it. I still need to through the toys and books because we have too much.
I have a good feeling about everything though. God has been right beside me through this whole journey and I know that I am not alone. I have a wonderful family and a great support system both here and in RI. I am truly blessed.

One Day at a Time

I am sorry that I have absent for those of you that follow. It has been a very difficult time for all of us as a family. Our lives have been turned upside from the direction that they were in and we are adjusting. We can do this together as a family though. God will lead us through this.

I ask that you all bear with me as we continue to deal with our situation. I will be busy packing once again and it is harder this time around because I am not in the right frame of mind.

We have made the decision as a family to move back to RI to be with Jose's mom. We are at peace with the decision that we have made but it is difficult for us. We are doing it for all the right reasons but it is overwhelming. We have to keep focused on the positive and remember all the great stuff we left behind in RI. All the family and friends that we miss so much. We are going with a differ frame of mind than when we left. We are going to do the things we never did while we there. We are hoping to take the kids skiing at Yagoo Valley. We hope to go to Mystic Aquarium and Hershey Park and whatever else we missed. We are going to use this as an opportunity, as second chance of sorts.

So I hope that you guys all tag along for this roller coaster ride with us as we figure out just how to make things work out. Together, we can do anything.

Do You Love Your Home?

One of my favorite blogs to read posted this today and I feel it necessary to share it here because it embodies what I feel. This is what she wrote:

Do you want to love your home?

I think the secret to house love is to stop comparing your house to other's...just pay attention to your house, wherever you may be right now, whatever it might look like, and work at turning it into the coziest, cleanest home it can be.

In my book of rules I once wrote these things:

•Clean and everything will look better to you.
•Order=sanity.
•Less toys, furniture, clothing, junk is always better...keep a SIMPLE house...get rid of stuff constantly. Or better yet, don't buy it!
•Don't ask for endless opinions...you'll get too many ideas...stick with what YOU love.
•A small change, that usually costs pennies... flowers, a pretty plant, etc...makes a big difference.
•Don't copy anyone's style...yours is just as nice.
•There are tons of ideas and images out there from just about everywhere..magazines, (and I'll add now- blogs!)...it is a waste of time to constantly be on the search for the perfect idea, or to constantly want/need change. Be content! Mind your own home, with what you have on hand. Sometimes this means: STOP LOOKING!
I know it's hard! Sometimes I still fall victim, (although I do it much less than I used to), to looking at a picture and thinking, "oh why did I choose cream instead of white cabinets!?" or "I need more color in here!" or just plain "I want that!"

Once again, we have so many, TOO many, chances to want, want, want. Or to wish, wish, wish.

What if we just tried contentment? What if we accepted our homes as they are, linoleum, old cabinets, tiny closets, squeaky doors, hand-me-down sofa, and worked with and learned to love what we have right in front of us? I think our grandparents did this much better than we have ever done. Most of them lived in the same home for their lifetimes, and took such good care of what they had, whether it was the "in" thing or not.

If you can wean yourself from the barrage of magazines, from the constant ideas and images, and pitch those catalogs, I promise you, if you stop looking out there, and start looking nowhere but your own home, you will begin to love it.

I really have found if you clean, everything will look fresh and new to you. It's a little miracle, isn't it? Sometimes I think, "Oh, I need a change in here." And that change always means more money, more searching (time wasting searching), something new. BUT I find when I just give that room a good old fashioned cleaning I feel so differently...that's all that was needed. Dust those shelves, buy some tulips or pick some branches from outside to put in a vase, scrub, scrub, scrub, wash the windows, move things around, and purge all that clutter. Fill the air with the fresh scent of 'clean', whatever that is to you, and trust me, you will love your home again.

And your home will love you right back.

This was from http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/2011/03/40-days-tips-and-tricks-house-love.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CloverLane+%28Clover+Lane%29. Feel free to check out her blog because she is an amazing mother of five who writes about stuff that we all think about.

A Toothpick !

What a freakin' couple of days. Tuesday night I stepped on a toothpick. It barely punctured the skin but just enough to stick and make me have to take it out. It bled out so little that I didn't need anything. I just wiped it with my finger and it was done. I put peroxide on it and laid down. The pain seemed to get worst as the night went on and I couldn't sleep so I took an 800mg Motrin for the pain. Shortly after I fell asleep. When i got up in the morning it was still sore but I just figured that feet just take longer to heal so I put my socks and boots on and went to work. As the day went on it began to hurt more and more. I took another Motrin and managed to get through the day. When I got home and took off my socks and boots, my foot was swollen...almost double the size of my other foot. By the end of the night I was in so much pain that I was in tears...mind you, I have a very high tolerance for pain. I left a message for the dr on call and took another Motrin to ease the pain. The dr didn't call back but it's all good because I actually fell asleep and slept good with the pain meds.
This morning I called and the nurse told me to come right in. No questions asked, no appointment, just come in. That alone made me scared. So the doctor looks at it and says it's infected and pretty badly. He has me on antibotics and I have to go back to have him look at it on Tuesday. It needs to go down...the swelling, redness and hotness of it. He drew on my foot and told me that if it goes past where he drew then I need to get into the urgent care asap, not to wait for the follow up appointment...talk about making me stressed ! He said that my foot is too swollen for him to be able to tell but because of where it punctured, it might have hit a tendon and if that's the case then they might need to do a surgical procedure to look at it and fix any damage that it might have done. He said a few more things after that but honestly, I stopped listening after he said "surgical procedure". I think that I went into shock.
This is insane ! It was a damn toothpick ! It just punctured the skin and that was all ! Now I am keeping a close eye on foot and praying that this heals quickly and propperly and doesn't require surgery.

Turning a house into a HOME

When you are little, the words "house" and "home" seem to be interchangable. Then you grow up and realize that they are not one in the same. You can live in many houses before finding a home. In this day and age when the world is filled with cookie cutter houses, it become even more important to turn your house into a home. A home. A place you can come to each night and feel cozy and relaxed and it embodies you. It makes you smile. It makes you proud.

My house is no exception to the cookie cutter mold....the modular home mold. I am in desperate search of making ours stand out. In desperate search of making our home symbolize us. In desperate search of turning out house into a home. This time it's even more important to us because this will truly be our home....the place CJ remembers growing up in.

Our requirements for a home have changed dramatically with each one of our moves and the fear of the recent recession and fear of any future recessions as well. Everyone has learned to live wisely and on a budget....well, most people anyways. Home for me doesn't mean bigger, it doesn't mean all the luxury items (although I love having two bathrooms again). It means having what you need and making due with what you have. Our biggest concern has been finding a community. That must sound so strange when we live in a state filled with communities but ask many people and you will realize that the communities being created are not living up to their names. The first one we lived in was beautiful. We fell in love the moment we saw it. The house with the large southern porch. The manicured lawns. The perfect community in all its glory. But it never felt like a community. People didn't come together the way that we had hoped. The move after that proved to be slightly better with the community feel but the neighborhood proved to be something we didn't want the kids growing up in. It seems as though we have found where we belong. We have found the feeling of community that we had been searching for. Probably in the least expected place but it's a wonderful feeling. And I know that it's probably too early to know for sure if this community is all that we hold it to but it certainly has started off on the right foot and we are determined to keep it this way.

Boy do I manage to get off topic when I start talking...lol.

So anyways, I am feeling out our home. Moving furniture around. Putting up curtains. Making pillows. Doing what I feel is necessary to make our house a home. And I wanted to share one of the things that I recently added near our front door during my Simply Said party. It reminds me that is our HOME !

Adjusting to the Move

The move has left me really tired and just wanting to sit and relax. Between our move and then Kelly's move, my body is screaming for mercy but that is nothing that a soak in my new garden tub won't cure. :o)

The house is not coming along as well as I had hoped but that is simply because I haven't been doing anything. I have to admit it because it's the truth. Once things were moved I got lazy. I also hate to admit that we still have some things at the old house that we have to get out this weekend too. I will do a lot this weekend though because I am having people over for a Simply Said party and even though it's friends that know we just moved, I want to place to look nice. So I will have to do my tazmanian devil act and just go through the whole house. I can't believe that this is out home. It is so wonderful to know that we will be here for a while. To know that I can unpack and not worry about having to pack back up. It is a pretty amazing feeling.

Nathan has adapted real well to the new neighborhood. He made friends even before he started school. He is out playing with the neighborhood kids until it's dark. God, I remember doing that when I was a kid and it's all I have ever wanted for my kids. Nathan has always been sort of an indoor person. He has been stuck inside on the computer and video games but things have changed. It makes me so happy to see him running in the door when the street lights go on smelling of the outdoors. I never thought that would be a sweet smell to me but it is, even though I am quick to send him directly to the shower. To me, it means that he has been outside doing what boys do best. He is running around and getting all his energy out. He races to the playground in the development to go play football with the boys and even leaves for the bus early in the morning to get in some playing too.

CJ has really gotten to enjoy the outdoors since we moved too. He heads straight for his McQueen riding car as soon as he gets home and rides until it's dinner time. Sometimes he reaches for his bike or Nathan's scooter. The little boy across the street is usually outside too so he now has a friend to play with and I think that Sam, that's the little boy across the street, is only a year younger than CJ. It's cute to watch the two of them race in the cul-de-sac with their little cars. Sam just got a sandbox too that CJ has been invited to go play in...lol.

Larissa is really the only one who hasn't made friends in the development but she already has so many friends that she doesn't know what to do with them. She barely has enough time for them...when she is not on punishment...lol. She likes the new neighborhood because she can once again go for walks or go down to the playground. And in the summer, she can go down to the pool too.

So I just wanted to report to everyone that things are good even though I haven't had too much time to get on here and tell you all about it. I hope to have some nice pictures of the house this weekend. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Slow & Steady Progress (pics of the house)

The unpacking has been a slow and steady process but it is coming along. We are are so warm with the idea of this being our long term home. The home that CJ remembers growing up in and Nathan too and that Larissa has fond memories of. It is so perfect for us and what we want. So without further rambling on...here are a few updated pics of the house.

This is our living room. You can see Nathan sitting behind the loveseat. The living is long so we have decided to give it areas. That area behind the loveseat will become our office/computer area. We still have a long way to go and a lot of boxes to unpack but I wanted to give you all an idea of how it's coming along and what it looks like with furniture in it.


This picture is of the living room too but taken from the opposite end, the end where the office area will be. That is our front door and what will be our entry area. Right now it is just full of boxes and stuff we have waiting to be unpacked. That table was godmother's table and it gives me great pride to be able to display it in our new home. I plan on keeping it there but without the chairs. It will serve as an entry table with maybe two lamps, a picture and basket to throw our keys and change into. Oh and a mirror would look nice there too.


I now move you onto my dining area. I am not sure how I feel about the green chairs that Jose got. We might end up moving them somewhere else and go back to my other chairs. They just seem to not blend well but I want to give them a little time before changing anything. As you can see, the area is really large because my table is pretty big for those of you who have seen it. You can also see my red dryer there. It is not staying there, we are waiting to get a shed and have nowhere else to put it. I am going to be painting this area an neautral color and putting up some nice curtains too.


From our dining area we go into my kitchen. Nothing too much has changed in here. I have my mini bar above my frig until I figure out where I want it to go. You can see my laundry room through the kitchen. And you can also see my kitty Milo in the window. That is his favorite spot to sit and watch the birds.


And last but not least I have a picture of the boys room for you. The room is much bigger that I had originally though. Nathan's bed is full size and CJ's bed is a twin and as you can see they fit in there nicely. My original plan was to buy a loft so that I could have Nathan sleep in the twin up top and CJ on the bottom and it would give us the full size bed for company. I am not sure that I am going to do that now since it seems to work well the way that it is now. That is the door to their walk in closet too. It has turned into a toy room. Most of CJ's toys are in there and it manages to keep the room a bit tidier too.

Here is a better view of Nathan's side:

And a better view of CJ's side:

And a tiny peek at the closet with the toys. I know it's a bad pic and kind of dark but you get the idea:

I hope to have pics of the rest of the rooms soon but like I said, it has been slow and steady. I am loving my new home !

Getting Back on Track

Do you ever feel like you have gotten so busy with the world that you have forgotten all about yourself? Or worst yet...lost yourself. I think that I was there or at least on the brink of it. So I need to get back on track.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw my mother. I know that we all go through this at one point or another. And seriously, my mother took care of herself through most of her life and I would be proud to be like her in that aspect. But I am not ready to feel old. I feel like I still have so much spunk left in me and I have to plan a way back to myself. So the journey starts to find out what it is that I want to change and how I can do it. Once I have a plan, I will let you know...lol.

Packing, Moving, More Packing & More Moving !

Things are moving right along. We moved all the boxes packed already to the new house already and decided to move up our move date to this Saturday. Yes ! This Saturday. As in...3 days ! Sometimes I worry about the way that we do things. But things seem to be falling right into place.

The electric was switched over today. Cable/phone/internet should be on Friday or Saturday. Already signed the withdrawl papers from Nathan's school and picked up the enrollment papers for the new school. There will be a gap in days because of the schools but Nathan will enjoy that I am sure. I could use some prayers on the school front with Nathan. I am hoping that God has had a hand in this whole situation and is guiding me to the right place.

Saturday morning we are meeting a guy for a quote for the shed. Then we have to get the truck and then it's moving time. We have a lot to pack though from now until then. The living room is done top to bottom. I finished it last night and even cleaned it...go me ! Not sure what I am working on tonight. I guess the kitchen is my goal tonight so that we can get that into the new house. The dining room should be done tonight too, not much going on there except the boxes that I ended up packing last night and furniture. The drums will go tonight. CJ's easel will go tonight and his toy basket will go and then the dining room will be done too. Can't wait to sleep at the new place on Saturday already ! And can't wait for this whole move to be over. A friend asked me if we had even unpacked from the last move. Sadly we did and that is what makes it harder...lol. This is our final move though because this house will be ours. The feeling is def different I tell you !

Oh....and I ordered new slipcovers for the couches because they are really beat up and I am not crazy about the green covers we have already. So this is what they look like but I don't know how well you will be able to see them considering the picture isn't that good. Sometimes the quality of things on here surprises me though. I got the loveseat and the sofa cover the same.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day and I have everything that I could want. What more can I ask for than to have the keys to our first house together.

You heard me correctly, we got the house. Signed the papers and got the keys on Saturday. Which house you ask? Neither of the ones that we were contemplating to get...lol. Instead we went with another one all together. My best friend says "you are predictably unpredictable." Turns out the one with the large deck was for straight up sale and they wouldn't do a rent to own on that one. And since there were others to see, we did just that.

We ended up going with a sideways facing one, which is a small price to pay for what we got instead. We are at the end of a cul-de-sac and it's quiet and private. We have nobody behind us and our yard is larger because we are on the curve of the cul-de-sac. So our yard widens as it goes out. We are right next door to a cop too so it's added security when he brings his car home. As promised I have pictures !

Here is the front of the house in all it's glory. I can't wait to add my touches to it so that I can make it ours and not like everyone else. You can sort of start to see the land we have considering the kind of development it is.

And here is the back porch and back of the house. As you can tell, the porch is not that big but we do plan on adding a deck onto the back next year sometime after we have had some time to settle in.

and the back yard that needs some needed help and a much needed shed !


Now let's go inside ! This is my favorite...the kitchen ! I absolutely love this kitchen and the huge window above the sink. The door at the end of the kitchen goes to our laundry room and then to the back door.

Our dining area. I can't wait to get that wallpaper down and make it so much brighter. I can't wait to see my dining table in there too with the chairs that Jose got. Talk about a punch of color...lol.

Our living room that just looks like a box with windows. You can't really tell but the living room is a good size. I can't wait to move our furniture in a show you all what it looks like.

This is in our living room looking into the kitchen/dining room area. I wanted you guys to see how open it is. That is one of the things that I love most about it.

Our master bedroom...what horrible curtains these are. They will be one of the first things taken down...lol.

Our master bathroom with the great garden tub that I can't wait to suround with candles. And that horrible wallpaper again ! You can't see but we also have a shower with seats too...lol. Talk about luxury.

Our guest bathroom, not quite as glorious but it will do.


I have pictures of the kids bedrooms too but seriously, they are just empty rooms that would bore you so I will wait to get them decorated and set up before posting pics of them. Same with the master. Wow, it's a box with two windows, you have no idea what it really looks like or the size...lol. So that wraps up our tour for now. I will try to take pictures of the process. Our official move in date is March 5th but we are slowly moving things now to make the whole process easier. We can't wait to get in there and get started making it ours though.