Cicadas !!!!

So we have these two beautiful old trees in front of our house and they are wonderful. They provide the house with so much shade and it is just one of the reasons that it takes so little to keep the house cool. This past month, we started hearing this loud noise. I can't even really explain the noise to you. Ironically, it was my son, Nathan, that told us what it was.

The noise is made by Cincadas and I got to see one up close. They are not very attractive looking insects and as far as insects go, damn are they HUGE. Apparently though, they are harmless. So that is what is making all that noise and I decided to do some research on them. We are going to have to tolerate this "singing" from June to October depending on the heat. I think that we actually started hearing it in May because it has been unusually hot here. The ones we have are dog day cicadas and they are green...much like a grasshopper. I wonder if I will ever be able to get a picture for you to see. I read somewhere that they are rarely seen so I feel privelaged to have seen one. It was on the screen door to my front porch. I was going to check the mail and it was attached to the screen. I checked the mail and went back quickly inside. It had crossed my mind to take a picture but just decided against it...of all times !

So if any of you come to visit and here a very loud noise coming from the front of my house, maybe you can open my door and be lucky enough to see one as well. I am very thankful that they are outside and not inside though !

FYI: The picture here was not mine. I got off the internet just so that you could see what they look like. The one that I saw was easily 3 inches long and I would say almost an inch think. It was a plump one for sure...lol.

Hip Hip Hooray !!!

It's official...we got the Kia Rio ! Here is a sneak peak at what it looks like !

I am losing my mind !!!!

Larissa is driving me crazy. My biggest fear at this point, after having a heated discussion (via text) with Larissa, is that she has not and will not learn her lesson. In all fairness to her, I have not allowed her enough time to let it sink in and react the way a person should and I won't know how she reacts until she starts school in Sept. I am really emotional now after our conversation. The girl is dilerious and she is really scaring me with how naive she is being. This was our converstation:

Me: r u ok?
Larissa: Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
Me: ur report card?
Larissa:My school's retarted and I don't understand how I failed but the thing that makes me mad is not only do I have to repeat the year but I have to do it at Concord High School.
Me: Well now you have three years with your new friends. We will have to talk when you get back cuz your grades were horrible, how did you not see it coming?
Larissa: Yeah, great I get to spend three years in a crapy school, the worst school in freakin north carolina ! I don't wanna be friends with people at concord high. And their performance they put on in theatre when we did beauty and the beast, they did guys and dolls and it was a laughing joke. I don't know who told you concord is a good school but it is certainly not.
Me: You know what pisses me off? You haven't even given this school a chance. You are too busy believing everyone else instead of forming an opinion of your own. You can spend your life complaining or you can make the most of your life. It's your choice. There is no choice of where you are going to school but you can choose how to handle it however you wish. If Robinson is such a good school then how come you failed? You certainly didn't take advantage of how wonderful you think it is. No point in arguing with you though cuz you already have your mind made up. It's going to make for a miserable three years but that is on you.
Larissa:it is a FACT that Concord High is a horrible school ! Believe what you wanna believe and think that I'm listening to my friends but it's a bad school. Might as well be sticking me back at Perry.
Me: So smarty pants...where are you getting your FACTS from? I would really like to know?
Larissa: Lets see, you can ask the teachers and students or the principals, go for it. And then it makes it especially horrible for me because their theatre program is a joke.
Me:Asking people? That is your FACTS? Do you know what a fact is? I have supported every decision and dram you have had and u repay me by failing. Honestly the only thing that I care about this coming year is your education and grades...theatre and the extra things you want you will have to earn back. If you prove yourself and really want to do theatre but not at concord then there are programs. You have to make the best of things if you expect to get anywhere. The world is yours. I will even help you attain your dreams but you have to be able to want it and go after it. Your grades tell me otherwise.
Larissa: Theatre may be an extra but hello this is high school. I need that credit. It's not like I can just not have a fourth class.
Me: Maybe so but that 4th class doesn't have to be theatre. Learn from Alex and take a language. I don't care what you take as long as you pass your classes!

Updates

Larissa...
Now that my initial shock has worn off about Larissa being held back, I can think clearly again. I still need to allow time for the dust to settle a little bit before I make any decisions about change. No doubt that changes need to be made all the way around. Gone are the days of just getting everything and coming and going all the time. That privelage has been abused. Larissa has made her bed, now she needs to lie in it.
Thankfully, it is now Day 3 for her in RI and at least no new drama on that front to report.

Nathan...
Last night was family night at Nathan's sleepover boyscout camp. The parents all drive up (its an hour away) to see our boys and we all have dinner together potluck style. This is a wonderful meal for the boys apart from their camping food. It was so good to see Nathan. He got good color too from being out in the sun all day long. Two of the boys got dehydrated the day before though, which worries me. They are ok thankfully. Of course I took pictures and as soon as I download them, I will post them here. Nathan was making remarks jokingly about coming back home with me but when it was time to leave he had tears in his eyes. He really wanted to come home. I talked to him and he was sad but ok. I can't wait to bring him home on Saturday. He was so brave and I am so proud of him.
I also picked up his report card and was very proud of how well he had done. I took it with me to show him and even he was pleasantly surprised at how well he did. He got an 85 in English, 81 in Math, 90 in Science, 72 in SS, 100 in Health and 97 in Band. Woo Hoo! What a great job ! 7th grade, here he comes !

CJ...
The new daycare is a blessing. He enjoys going and having a small group this summer seems to really be agreeing with him. Kirsten is wonderful with the kids and her daughter Eva has CJ eager to go each and every morning. He made his first Father's Day card this year. It was cute and I loved being surprised with it too. Yesterday they went on a field trip to the library and watched a Magic Show. CJ really enjoyed the show and hasn't stopped talking about it.
He is doing great with his potty training too !

Jose and I...
We are still waiting to hear if we are officially approved for the Kia. I never dreamed it would take this long but good things come to those who wait...lol.
We really need to get together to find out how we are going to approach this coming school year. There are many things that need to be ironed out and decided. Many changes coming, I hope.
We are settling in real nice to our new home. Enjoying the perks of saving a little money for things like a car, even if it means we will be broke again until we save more...lol.
We are anxiously awaiting our upcoming trip to Florida to see Vanessa ! I can't wait to actually have a vacation !

My night

My night turned out to be a whirlwind and I have escaped to the sanctuary of my room to write here. I always feel better after I write.

So tonight started to go bad when I got a call from Larissa (for the second night in a row) asking me to please speak to her father because he is being unreasonable. I just thought that she was over-reacting until I talked to him. He was just being crazy. Yesterday he didn't want Larissa to spend the night at her grandmother's at all, during her stay there. Tonight it was the opposite and he didn't want her to go anywhere but her grandmothers and she wanted to stay at her aunt's house. I just can't talk to him at all. I got loud and not nice at all. He told me that he didn't realize that having his daughter there was going to be so much work and he doesn't need this in his life. Really?! Wow. He said he was going to pay for a flight to send her back home. I told him that I would have someone else pick her up and he wouldn't have to worry about her. He said that he wouldn't allow that. He paid for her trip by himself and he wasn't going to allow anyone else to see her. What?! Did I hear that correctly? He said if anyone wants to see her, they can come to NC to get her. What did I ever really see in him at all?
So if that wasn't enough, I got Larissa's report card and guess what? She didn't pass. Yeah, you all heard me correctly. She is staying back. She has no idea either. i didn't have the energy to deal with this tonight. I know that you will all think that I am crazy but maybe this is what she needs. She really goofed off this year and slacked big time. She is used to doing this and then catching up and sliding by the skin of her teeth. She will finally realize that is not the way to go but that is another year of high school for her. I don't even know what to say. And damn Jose is so mild tempered that I can't play devils advocate with him. So I am here pouring my heart out to all my friends and strangers too in home of finding some sanity in all this.
Ok, I am going to take a shower and go unwind with a book to escape from the reality of my life. I will talk to you all tomorrow. Thank you for listening.

My Weekend and My Girls

So here it is Tuesday and I haven't even written about my past weekend.

Friday night I drove to the bus terminal at 12:30am to pick up ex-husband, John. He came to take Larissa to RI for the summer until our trip up there in August. She will be there for two months. God how I will miss her ! He spent the day with Nathan on Saturday since Nathan will be staying with me for the summer. Nathan chose to go to summer camp this summer and have some much needed fun. In addition to that, he also has boyscout overnight camp this week. So he decided to stay home for the summer. He will get a chance to see his friends and visit people when we go up.

Saturday afternoon (while John was out with Nathan), we headed to Karen's for her birthday BBQ. I don't think that I have written here about Karen before so maybe I will have take a little detour to enlighten you all. Karen and I met on meet-up. She signed up for my couples group and I joined her mom's group. We instantly clicked. After some time, we decided to merge our groups since most of our members were in both groups anyways. Karen and Hung have become great friends to us. God knows that our move would not have come together the way that it did if it was not for Hung. He is the one that rallied everyone together and deligated and worked from morning til dusk. We owe him big time ! Karen is amazing. She is quirky and over the top but that is just some of the crazy qualities that makes her wonderful. This weekend was her birthday and I wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else. Happy Birthday again Karen ! While there I got to hang out with some incredible girlfriends...Genevieve and Dawn (who I really must talk about in another post ...they are just a few of my favorite girls) and finally got to meet Gigi after over a year of talking online and on the phone. And I actually did get to socialize because the kids played in the pool and Jose was hanging with the guys. It was a pretty amazing day.

Sunday I took Larissa and John to the bus terminal. She is getting so grown and seeing her off for the summer just brings me to tears. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to see Nathan off too but only for a week. Ok, so it's not really a week since tomorrow we go up to visit for a parents night...but still. It is hard to see off one of my children, but two? Well it was just a day of heartbreak for me. I know that they will both be fine but a mother will always worry. And I miss them both terribly. Of course, I had to push all that aside to celebrate Father's Day with my amazing man and of course my littlest bundle of energy, CJ. We had a great time. We went to the movies to watch Toy Story 3, then had a bite to eat and then out for ice-cream. We finished off the night just cuddling on the couch. Not a bad way to end the weekend.

My Girls:
I mentioned "just a few of my favorite girls" above and feel the need to share more. I talk a lot on here about my friends and family back in RI. I am also blessed to have some amazing friendships here too. I mentioned my girls once before when I talked about my move but they deserve more recoginition than that. My girls are Kelly, Dawn, Genevieve, Karen and Amanda. Omg, I hope that I am not forgetting anyone..lol ! They are the ones that I can faithfully count on in any situation. That was the crew that helped me move (Dawn, get over the fact that you got there late !) and they are the ones that make me feel like I am never alone. My relationship with each one is different but all are very near and dear to my heart. I also need to mention Tracy. Tracy is not part of that circle of friends but she is definatley just as near and dear to my heart and always there for me too. She is the one who watched CJ when I had nobody else and she picks up Nathan when I am running late or need to do something. I really don't know what I would do without her but I guess I will find out. Tracy is moving back to MA as soon as she can sell her house and we will miss her very much. As all my friends from RI know though, distance means nothing. I wish Tracy nothing but the best...even though I wish she would stay...lol ! I am also hoping to bring Gigi into that circle of friends too. She is slowly becoming part of our gang. I am sure that it will just be a matter of time. Well that is it for now and those are my girls ! :o)

Happy Birthday Ma Mary !

Today is my godmother's birthday and I am sure that she is having a grand old party up in Heaven. She was always one to party and be the life of the party. How I remember laughing so hard that my sides hurt. Today is a day that I dedicate to her. I honor her wonderful memory. This is one of the many pictures that I have with my godparents when I was much younger. Nice carpet, huh?!

I am sure that you have heard me say it a million times before but I will say it again...my godparents were the most amazing people. I am convinced that they are the reason I turned out so great...lol. They were, and I am sure they continue to be, one of the most wonderful examples of unconditional love to each other and everyone around them. I am truly blessed to have had them be such a big influential part of my life.

Happy Birthday Ma ! I love you and miss you terribly !

My Little Sis

I know what most of you are thinking...I don't have a little sister, well I do and I will explain.

I have a huge problem with the saying "blood is thicker than water". I understand the saying but I don't find it to be accurate. I have been blessed to be adopted in to a family that has treated more like their own than my own family. There is no blood between us and there doesn't need to be.

My best friend's sister, Bianca, is so much more than that to me. She is an amazing friend, a wonderful godmother to my son, a wonderful cumadre to me and a little sister to me. That is the best way that I can describe her. She is so many things to me but she is my little sister. I would do anything for her (and her family) and I know she feels the same. We have experienced many things together and followed some of the same paths along the way. We have helped each other through some very difficult times in our lives and celebrated during some very joyous times in our lives. I just wanted to take a minute and tell everyone how much I love her and how much she means to me.

You see, yesterday was Father's Day. Bianca and I have both experienced what it is like to be a single mother. During those years we played the role of both mother and father. During those years, we began celebrating Father's Day as our own too. Many years later, we are both blessed to have wonderful men in our lives that not only are the fathers of our youngest children but also incredible stepfather's to our two older children. Still yet, on Father's Day, I can't help but think of Bianca and everything that we have gone through together. A little peice of us will always be allowed to celebrate Father's Day as our own for all that we have done for our children.

So Happy Belated Father's Day to all the single mother's out there.

Happy 18th Birthday Amity !

I still can't believe that my god-daughter, Amity, is 18 today. I remember going to the hospital the day she was born and holding her for the first time. She was in my eyes, my first baby. I spent a lot of time with her when she was younger and many thought she was my baby. She is my peanut. That was my knickname for her and she is quite posessive of that name...it belongs to her. :o)

Happy Birthday Peanut. I love you so much. I might be miles and miles away but you are always in my heart and my thoughts. You are a young lady now and your whole life awaits you.

Happy Father's Day

I just want to wish all the father's out there an wonderful Father's Day. I am blessed to have the most amazing man in my life that is not only a wonderful dad but also an amazing stepdad. Hope everyone has a great day celebrating with the "father" in their life.

My Blog Is Going Public

I have made the decision, after much thought, to make my blog public. Up until now it has been private and only invited people could read it. This was not a decision that I made lightly and I have reasons for it. I had reservations about putting my life out there but in all fairness, my life really is an open book.

I love to write and feel that sometimes what I write about should and could be reaching out to more people. The things that I write about are pretty much things in my life and sometimes things in my head...lol. It is probably accurate to say that I am not the only one in the world to have these same thoughts. I take comfort in reading other blogs and realizing that I am not alone. If I can do that for someone else then that is what I aim for. In addition, I want to include the link to my blog with my signature in my email but there is no point to that if it's private and can't be accessed anyways.

Writing for the public will be a little bit different. So much so that I actually contemplated started a whole other blog for the public and keeping this one private. But the truth is that many, if not all, the postings would be similar or even the same. I will have to remember that the public does not know me personally and because of this, I will not just be able to name people in my life and assume they know who I am talking about. That is simple enough though.

This blog was originally created to keep in touch with my family and friends that are spread out throughout the world but I had not considered the friends-turned-family that we have made here that are still getting to know me too. So my writing has gotten more explanitory as time has gone on. That was another reason I decided to just use this one. Without any further explanation....I am live !



I will be going back and changing the intro to explain better why I am blogging since that has changed. My intro will probably be a little bit more about me too for those that don't know me. I will have to let people know that I am a very blunt person. I speak my mind. It is my mind and my opinion only. I do not expect you to share the same opinion and actually welcome and encourage hearing how your opinion differs from mine.

Happy Graduation Amity !

Yesterday, my god-daughter graduated from high school. I am so proud of you Amity. This journey has not been an easy one. She has struggled through school and had her ups and downs. Thankfully she stuck through it and is now a proud graduate. It is times like this that it makes me sad that we are so far away from each other. No matter how far we are though, you are always with me and I am always thinking of you. I love you sweetie.

RELIGION

It has clearly been too long since I have written and the topic of the day is a heavy one...RELIGION !

For those of you who know me, you know that religion has been a struggle for me since I was old enough to make my own decisions. For those of you who are just starting to get to know me, this will definatly be one of those times when you learn a little bit more about me. :o)

I was born and raised into the Catholic religion. I made all of my sacraments, minus annointing of the oil obviously or I wouldn't be here writing this now. I never really ever felt like I belonged in a Catholic church. Nobody ever knew I was there and if I wasn't there, well it just didn't matter. Even though I attended only two churches from K-high school graduation, when I went to get married and have my children baptized, they did not recognize me, they had to pull my records. I guess I should add that I am not a soft spoken person (in case you didn't know that) and I don't keep to myself, I really do branchout or at least try. Church was something that I went to for an hour on Sunday and then left. I saw some of the same faces week after week but never knew their names. Fellowship was not something that REALLY happened there. The people who knew each other already would stand around after church and chat and the others would go on their merry way. The Sunday masses were the same. I could have conducted them myself. Same words, same motions, same rituals. Not a lesson on God in my opinion. The homily was supposed to go with the Gospel reading so that you could understand it better but many times I would leave wondering what one thing had to do with another. I also attended Catholic school from 1st grade through 8th grade. All this and I know less about the Bible than anyone else.

In realizing that maybe the Catholic religion wasn't for me, I decided to start trying to find where I did belong. I attended Baptist, Evenagelical, Protestant and Non-Denominational churches all in hopes of finding one that made me feel as though that is where I was meant to be. I even studying with Jehovah's Witnesses for a couple of years. Actually, that is where I learned most of what I know about the Bible. I also learned that many of the typical stereotypes of them are wrong. They are very amazing people and kind people with a great deal of faith in their religion. I went along that path until I found that I could not and would not follow them any longer. Like most religions, I get to a point where it no longer feels like The Truth. So I stopped following. I came to a point in my life that I just decided it was better to have the faith that I do and not belong to any "organized" religion.

Since I mentioned my faith, I feel that I need to expand on that. I believe in God. God is a huge part of my life. I have an incredible personal relationship with God. I speak to Him daily, several times a day. I ask for His guidance when I don't know where to go. I ask for His strength when I don't have any more. I ask for His forgiveness when I fail. And most importantly, I thank Him each and every day for all the wonderful and amazing people and things in my life that would not be possible without Him. I believe that your relationship with God is personal. I don't believe that it is black and white. I don't believe that a church has a right to tell you that God will forgive a murderer or a rapist and not a divorcee or someone who loses their way in their religion. Your relationship with God will determine your forgiveness. It is not a priest or a pastor or a reverand's decision to make if someone is forgiven or should be disfellowshipped or banned from a church or religion....that is Gods decision (that is my opinion) ! I understand that from the organized part of the religion, they want to have rules and consequences but the Bible clearly says that God will forgive those who repent for their sins. Only God REALLY knows if you are sorry and nobody else. Human beings can not possibly speak for God. They can help teach God's word from what they study and they believe and through God's guidance but then that makes them no different than you or I. Religion is in the interpretation...hence why this has always been such a big problem for me. I am really bothered by people claiming to be really religious and then they do things that just blow my mind like have affairs, hurt people and have no regard for life whatsoever. My godfather (God rest his soul) used to say that the people who went to church the most were there because they had that much more to ask forgiveness for. They were there out of guilt he would say.

My godparents are another reason for my huge belief in God. He sent them to me. I am sure of it. He guided me through them. They were amazing people who are with God now. They are looking down on me each day. I love my godchildren in the same way that they loved me and I expect no less from the godparents of my children. God has led me to amazing godparents for all my children. They are a huge part of my life and will continue to be. I love you all.

So here I am on in the south, the bible belt and I have no religion. We have been asked to attend many different services while here. I have had some interest in them but not enough to go. I think that I have truly just accepted that there might not be a religion out there that I feel comfortable enough to be a part of. With that being said, my faith is strong and I do believe that God has a plan for me. I only wish that He had a way to share that plan with me...lol. In all honesty, I know that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. He will guide me and I will allow Him to guide me.

Recently, Jose and I were invited to attend another service with a co-worker of his and her fiance. I am still toying with the idea. I want to go because I feel as though this may be God leading me in this direction. I did some quick research on it and I am not sure how I feel. They have meetings for the men of the congregation, kids services, Sunday services and not sure what else. This is going to sound really selfish but I don't want to spend my life at church. To me, church is simply a building. I don't need to be in a church to talk to God or pray to him. I do that each and every day in my house, in my car and in my bed...even at work. I don't need to be there 4 days a week to worship him. So I am not sure where this will lead me. The parish is Methodist. I am not even sure what Methodist people believe in, nevermind if I agree with their beliefs. All I do know is that this could be yet another learning experience in my life so I don't want to look away.

I am waiting for Jose to decide whether this is a journey that he wants to take with me or if I will be doing this solo. Religion is SO not Jose's thing. Either way, I feel as though God is pushing me to search once again for a place to belong, a place that can help me learn more about him. Things that I could not simply learn on my own. I will keep you all updated on the next phase of the religious part of my life. Oh, that is one more thing... I don't believe that religion should be an hour on Sunday. Religion needs to be a part of your life. It should be there in helping you with all decisions in your life. That is probably why I am so particular with making sure that the beliefs are so in line with mine. Once again, sit tight and stay tuned and I will let you all know what I decide and how it goes.

Thank you God for all of these amazing friends and family that you have blessed me with !