This week has been a blessing

It's been an insanely busy week but it was filled with fun, family and friends. Last weekend was busy. It started with Friday 6/3 being my last day at RINCO. It was an emotional day for me. The end of one chapter of my life but the beginning to a new chapter. Saturday 6/4 started with breakfast and cards with Didi. This was such an overdue date. I miss our card dates. Then I had Cindy's bridal shower that day/night. It was a night filled with laughter and great fun. On Sunday 6/4, Jose and I did the Heart Walk downtown with his job Care NewEngland. Even with a little rain, we had a great walk and a lot of fun.

Then the work week started. Monday was my first day at my new job, Jonathan Ucran CPA. It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions at work this week. I am not going to lie, I have been stressed. It is so hard coming from a job where you know everything to start at a new company where everything is new and unsure. I got this though !  Monday night we were lucky enough to have dinner with Lori  & Armand. We had a blast. CJ got to play with Tango and Jasmine and Jackson. Jose had way too much wine with Armand and of course, I got my Lori time. Tuesday was an extra long day at work. I worked until 7pm because the old bookeeper came to answer any questions that I had. Wednesday we ordered Chinese food and Jose's mom came over. Alex had his last marriage class so it was just us. Thursday we grabbed some fast food and then heading to Lincoln to hang out with old friends. I can't begin to describe my feelings when I saw CJ playing football in the street with Skip, Jay and Jacob. The cold weather stopped us from staying longer but we hope to do it again soon. Friday was our date night. I had been so excited to see Now You See Me 2 but it was a let down. It was still nice to spend time alone with Jose. We ended the night with dinner at Ruby Tuesday.

This weekend was even busier than last weekend. We took CJ to the Krazy Kids Inflatable Race. He had a blast. We even ran into Island and CJ did the second race with her kids and Koon's kids. We went home to rest for a little before heading to Tyrell's birthday party. Another great night with good friends and good food. Sunday we went to Lazicki's Bird House and Rescue to look at birds. What a great place. CJ had a blast and loved all of the birds. Sundays are almost always great because I get to see all three of my kids and Mason too.

So this rounds up my week. Now we are on to another week to see what this will bring.

Thoughts

These are just a few of the feelings that I have been feeling lately....

Spiritual Food

Yesterday I had my first private bible study. That is what I call it. Fridays were starting to get really hectic. Trying to make it in time was stressing me out. Not being able to make it made me even more stressed. I need this to find my spiritual self and yet I wasn’t.

 

So after much back and forth with Diane, we finally decided on Monday nights. Last night was my first night. As I showed up at the door, I had butterflies in my stomach. Why in the world did I have butterflies in my stomach. I am not quite sure but I was anxious to get started.

 

It was a little weird at first. I mean I have gone to three other meetings there at Ray and Diane’s house but it was always a bible study group. There were other people there and hearing other thoughts and questions opened up my mind. Here I was alone. The attention was on me. What did I want to learn about? What questions did I have for them? That is the problem. I am not even sure I know what the questions are that I am looking for answers to.

 

So Diane jumped right in to Ephesians, a book I am not even sure that I knew existed. Don’t judge me. The whole reason I am studying the bible to is learn. One of my favorite things about studying the bible with Diane and Ray is that they are not afraid of any questions. They don’t answer questions with fluff. They don’t fill your head with bible quotes that are out of context. We look at the whole context. We talk about how it’s fitting and what I think. It’s an interactive process and that couldn’t be any better for someone like me.

 

Then we went to the beginning. Genesis… and it starts with “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth”. Ray pointed out that it wasn’t the beginning. God has no beginning and no end. The angels were already with God. It was not the beginning. It was the beginning of the physical world. “And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep.” We talked about the world having darkness and God said “let there be light” but it’s not the moon or the sun because God had not created them yet. It was talking about the darkness that the earth was filled with because Lucifer and 1/3 of the angels fell from heaven. Lucifer wanted to be just like God. He wanted to be a God. There is only one God. So Lucifer fell out of heaven. God did not throw him out. His choices made him fall. I had never heard it referred to that way. So Lucifer made the earth dark. And then we briefly talked about the earth being covered with water and how that was the 1^st flood that many don’t know about…I will have to learn so much more about that. I mean listen to me….I am in Genesis. I am at the beginning and in three sentences I have learned more than I ever knew. I had read those lines so many times and each time I went through it quickly to next part. I mean who doesn’t know the story of creation. Apparently I don’t.

 

Almost two and a half hours later Diane started wrapping it up. I had no idea that much time had passed. I couldn’t believe that we had spent that much time talking and reading. I feel like I have so much to learn. I DO have so much to learn. I was happy to take each and every bit of information that Diane and Ray were willing to help me understand. I can’t wait for next week. I love this journey that I am on.

Being Thankful

I have so much to be thankful for. Last week was a blur. I mean I had something every night of the week. Monday, I had to take the boys to their physicals and then Nathan to his psychiatry appointment. Tuesday, we had Liz and Felix over for dinner. Wednesday, I was supposed to go to CJ’s school PTO meeting and then dinner with Alex. The meeting got canceled and we all went roller skating instead and had a blast. Thursday, I went to Didi’s to play cards, she did my hair and I ended up leaving earlier to get Nathan from Job Corp early since there was a storm coming. Friday was a snow day for everyone but me. The boys stayed home and I went to work but when I got home, I helped Jose shovel then did some snow tubing in our yard with CJ and then Jose ordered Chinese food for us for dinner. Although my week was crazy busy, I had so much fun. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I slowed down and was thankful for each day and what it brought.

 

The craziness has not slowed down. Saturday morning I worked and then did laundry, did grocery shopping and cleaned a bit before enjoying some much needed time with the family. Sunday was Superbowl Sunday and Tracy and Eric came over for dinner. I tried my hand at Galinha A Jardineira and it came out pretty good. I will need to tweek it for next time.

 

This week has been a bit different. I had things all week just like last week but the snow has changed my plans. I had plans to meet Amy for dinner on Monday and it got canceled. I went home to have dinner and cuddle on the couch. Today we were having a Valentine’s dinner with Lori and Armand and it got canceled partially because of what they have going on and partially because of this weather. Tomorrow Alex is coming over for dinner and the PTO meeting has been reschedule for tomorrow. I am not sure yet if I will be attending or not since it’s short notice. Thursday Jose goes to play Rock Band so I get some down time and Friday I am hoping to make it to bible study. I didn’t get to go last week and I feel like I real need it. I am excited about going.

Portugese Braised Beef (Trinchado)

Just wanted to share a recipe that I want to try soon. I have eaten this many times in restaurants but never made it myself. Sounds pretty easy, can't wait to try it.


Portuguese Braised Beef (Trinchado)

*Serves 2-3*
Ingredients:
1 pound cubed beef tenderloin
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 onion, sliced
2.5 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 small hot red chili peppers, stemmed and chopped (retain the seeds)
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon flour
1/2 cup beef stock
1/2 cup Portuguese red wine
salt and pepper to taste
3-4 Portuguese bread rolls, for dipping

Directions:
1) In a bowl, mix together the Worcestershire sauce, chilis, paprika, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Now add the cubed beef and let it marinate for 2 hours in the refrigerator to ensure that even the tougher cuts of meat are tender. Rinse marinade off meat and set aside in a bowl.
2) In a large saucepan on medium to high heat, heat 1 tablespoon of the butter. When the butter is melted and sizzling, add about 1/2 of the beef and brown well.
3) Remove the beef cubes from the saucepan, place in a bowl and set aside. Add 1 tablespoon of butter and cook the remaining beef until browned. Set aside in the same bowl.
3) Once done cooking the beef, reduce the heat and add the final tablespoon of butter and sliced onion and cook for about 5 minutes, or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for another minute or so. Sprinkle the flour over the onion/garlic mixture and stir for about 2 minutes or until thick.
4) Add the set aside marinade, stock, and red wine to the pan. Stir until the sauce thickens and simmer for about 10 minutes.
5) Now add all of the beef set aside in the bowl to the saucepan. Leave to simmer for about 20 to 25 minutes on low heat or until beef is tender and cooked. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
6) Serve while hot in bowls with fresh Portuguese bread rolls or fries on the side.

Chicken Mozambique

*Serves 1-2*
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 pounds chicken breast, cubed
3 tablespoons butter
1 onion, diced
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons garlic, chopped
1 teaspoon lemon juice
6 oz beer
2 sazon goya con azafran packets
2 tablespoons piri piri
1 teaspoon cilantro chopped to garnish
2 lemon quarters to garnish


Directions: 1) In a large frying pan, sauté the chicken cubes in the olive oil on medium to high heat. Season with the teaspoon of salt.
2) Once cooked through, remove the chicken and set aside in a bowl.
3) Add the onions and garlic to the pan along with 1 tablespoon of the butter. Stir as it cooks.
4) Pour half of a beer, 6 oz, into the pan and stir to deglaze the pan.
5) Add the chicken back to the pan along with the piri piri sauce, lemon juice, two packets of sazon goya, and the rest of the butter.
6) Let it simmer for 2 to 3 minutes on medium heat while stirring occasionally.
7) Once done, remove from the pan and place onto a serving platter.
8) Garnish with the chopped cilantro and lemon quarters. Serve along with some white rice while hot.

Bacalhau a Gomes de Sa

Codfish,potatoes & onion casserole - Bacalhau a Gomes de Sa

Ingredients

• 600 - 8oog dried codfish (soaked for 24 hours)
• 8 medium size potatoes, waxy
• 4 large brown onions, sliced thin rounds
• 8 garlic cloves, crushed
• 250ml olive oil
• 4 hard boiled eggs, shell removed & sliced
• 100g black olives
• 2 tea salt
• 1 tea white pepper
• 1 bunch flat leaf parsley, chopped
• 150ml extra olive oil

1. Soak the dried cod over night, changing the water twice.

2. Simmer a pot of water & add the cod to the water & simmer on a gentle heat for 5- 8 minutes, then drain the cod & leave to cool.

3. Put the potatoes (whole with the skin on) into a large pot & bring the potatoes to the boil.
Once the potatoes are cooked drain & set aside to cool. Add the eggs to the potatoes & cook for 10 min, till the eggs are hard boiled, then set aside.
Once the potatoes are cooled, cut in 1/4 inch thick slices.

4. In a fry pan add the oil then heat the pan adding the onions & garlic.Cook on medium heat till the onions are soft & slightly caramelised. This may take 15 - 20 min.
Once the onions are cooked set aside.

5. Once the ingredients are all cooked & prepared, start to assemble the dish.

6. Grease an oven proof dish ( a shallow lasagna dish is good for this) with some oil & spread half of the potatoes over the bottom of the prepared dish, then sprinkle half of the salt cod over the potatoes. Then spread half the onions on top of the potatoes,sprinkle a teaspoon salt & pepper.


6. Repeat the process till all the ingredients are gone.
Garnish with hard boiled egg slices, black olives, & chopped parsley.
Drizzle the extra olive oil on top & bake at 180 degrees for 25min or till golden.

 

Happy Monday

This weekend was a pretty good weekend considering.

 

Jose went away on a ski trip with the guys. He left Friday afternoon. So Friday night was busy with me leaving work to get CJ from his after school program, then getting Nathan from Exeter before going home. It wasn’t too bad though. Got home with enough time to make some dinner for the boys and cuddle with them while watching a little tv  before they departed to their corners with their computers.

 

Saturday was pretty uneventful as well, aside from the Blizzard of 2016. Went to the grocery store and left the car running by accident in almost the worst part of town…lol. Only me. But God was looking out for me because it was still there, running with the heat on, nice and toasty waiting for me. I can laugh now but what a heart attack I almost had. I made some Portuguese soup for the boys and got to cleaning. Took down my Christmas tree…finally. Put away all my Christmas decorations. Starting decluttering. Collapsed on the couch around 6pm to eat some soup and cuddle up for a Hawaii Five-O marathon.

 

Sunday I had plans to go out and shovel and clean off my car but I wanted to make Chicken soup so that I could have some warm soup to eat when I came in. When I finished the soup, I looked outside and saw that the driveway had already been shoveled and my car cleaned off. The upstairs neighbors had done it all. So I decided to bake them cupcakes as a thank you. They were so surprised but I wanted them to know just how thankful I was. They knew that Jose was away so they didn’t want me to do it alone. I would have had Nathan’s help but I was still so grateful. So I had time to do some laundry and clean some more.

 

Jose came home on Sunday and I was so happy to see him. We got to spend some quality time together before I had to take Nathan back to Exeter. Nathan is back on his academic classes after being off them during his janitorial training. He is happy to be working on his academics once again…who would have thought?

 

Here is a pic of my cupcakes...

Meal Plan on a budget

I was helping a friend out and thought I would put this here. I have had to budget meals many times in the past. I guess I am sort of a pro at it when I need to be. I want to have it to reference back to in case anyone else needs it or I need a quick meal plan that I can just print and head to the store with.

These are based on my prices here at Aldi’s. Yours might be slightly higher or lower but only by cents. Let me know if you don’t know how to put any of the dishes together (recipes). Most are simple enough that you know what they are. The total for this list is $48.39 for the week’s dinner and lunch also on the weekends.

 

You will need these for a couple recipes:

               Milk $1.99

               Butter $1.59

              

Monday: Shepards Pie

               1 lb frozen tube ground turkey $1.19

               1 box instant mash potato $1.99 (milk and butter from above)

               2 cans corn or peas .59/ea= $1.18

               1 dozen eggs $1.29 (only use one egg, save the rest for egg salad)

               Total for this meal $5.65

 

Tuesday: Mexican Mac & Cheese

               2 boxes instant mac & cheese .39/ea= $.78 (milk and butter from above)

               1 pkg taco seasoning .30

               1 lb frozen tube ground turkey $1.19

               1 can black beans .59

               1 can corn .59

               Total for this meal $3.45

 

Wednesday: Salsa Chicken in crockpot with Instant Rice

               1 family pack of chicken thighs (12 pcs) I don’t pay more than $5.00. Whatever you have leftover you will shred with the leftover sauce and put aside for another meal)

               1 large jar of mild salsa $2.19 (just put chicken and jar of salsa in crockpot and cook for 6 hours)

               1 box instant rice $1.99

               Total for this meal is $9.18 (but the leftover chicken and salsa is for another meal)

 

Thursday: Lazy Lasagna

               1 bag frozen ravioli $1.99

               1 bag frozen tube ground turkey $1.19

               1 jar sauce $1.29(comes together just like lasagna. Layer of sauce, layer of ravioli, layer of sauce, layer of cheese, layer of ravioli, layer of sauce and top with cheese)

               1 bag shredded cheese $1.99

               Total for this meal is $6.46

 

Friday: Pizza Night

               2 frozen pizzas $1.99/each = $3.98 Total for this meal

               **this is half a pizza for each person. I am sure the little ones won’t eat a half a pizza but you and Patrick might want more. Pop in a movie and family night it is !**

 

Saturday Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwiches and Potato Chips

               1 loaf of bread .99

               1 dozen eggs (minus 1 used in shepards pie) already included in the price

               1 jar mayo $1.89

               1 bag of chips $1.49

               Total for this meal is $4.37

 

Saturday Dinner: Pasta with Shredded Salsa Chicken

               1 box of pasta .99

               Leftover Salsa chicken shredded with sauce

               1 box garlic bread $1.99

               Total for this meal is $2.98

 

Sunday Lunch: Grilled Cheese & Soup

               1 loaf of bread .99 (use butter from above)

               1 pkg slice cheese .99

               3 cans chicken noodle (or what kind you like).69/ea= $2.07

               Total for this meal $4.05

 

Sunday Dinner: Salisbury Steak & Instant Mashed

               2 boxes Salisbury steak 1.99/ea = $3.98

               Mashed potato from shepards pie

               1 can of veggie of choice .69

               Total for this meal $4.69

A new Bible study

So yesterday was my first day with a Bible Study group. I say first day because I truly hope to make it part of my life.

 

I have been in search of….religious knowledge…fellowship…religious people who are good people. Dabbling in different religions only left with a bigger feeling of disappointment. Are all religious people judgmental, cold, two sided, religious when it’s only convenient? I certainly have tried different organized religions. I had certainly been in search of where I belonged.

 

I had come to a conclusion…I didn’t belong in any organized religion. I couldn’t agree with some of their rules and conditions to be part of an organization that should be about your love for God…period.

 

So after the New Year, I was sitting watching TV and my mind was bouncing around as only my mind does and I thought of a few comments that a girl from my High School had posted on my previous rants about organized religion. I don’t know where the thought came from. Actually, I do. It was nothing short of God putting it in head. I honestly can’t even remember what she posted on my comments. It doesn’t matter. All that matters was that it stayed in my mind and in my heart.

 

So I reached out to Amy. I told her that I wasn’t even sure why I was reaching out to her. She laughed because, like me, she already knew. God works in mysterious ways. She asked me if I had any questions that she could answer. I told her that I wasn’t even sure what my questions were. I explained to her about my Catholic School upbringing. I explained about my adventures in different organized religions. I explained to her that I just didn’t feel like I belonged. She asked if I wanted to get together some time and talk and I was quick to set up a time to meet with her because I was being guided and I knew it.

 

We met yesterday. It was a bit awkward at first because Amy and I didn’t really know each other in high school and I didn’t really know her now. But with each word, I trusted that God was leading me to her and I started to open up to her. We talked for a while but it did not seem like nearly enough. I wanted more.

 

I explained that I wanted to read the Bible. I wanted to understand the Bible. I told her that I had searched for a non-denominational Bible study group but could never find one. They just don’t exist. Then she smiled and said, yes they do. She invited me to go with her to her aunt’s house. Her aunt is a pastor and they have a very small group that gets together to pray, study the Bible and talk. I was eager to learn but afraid of more disappointment. They meet once a week on Fridays. Fridays are not good for me because of driving to Exeter to pick up Nathan. I don’t want to start my journey with excuses though. I was ready. That Friday didn’t work because Amy had other plans. As she explained it to me, it was very relaxed. She said that if that day did not work that we could look at other days. Since it was a crazy week, we decided to wait another week.

 

Yesterday I had mixed emotions of nervousness and excitement. Amy came with her mom and we met in the parking lot. There were 4 other people there when I got there. There was prayer and singing and then to sit and go over the Bible. It was interactive. It was pleasant. There was no pressure. There was no feeling alone or isolated. There were questions and answers. There were conversation. Not in a way that you have to decode but in a way that you and I would have a conversation. Amy’s uncle asked me questions directly. I think that maybe he understood that I was totally overwhelmed and wouldn’t voluntarily give much info. I was the new girl and that it awkward for me. The questions were somewhat thought prevoking. I went home with some serious thoughts…which is great. It became comfortable as time went on. It was like friends coming together to talk about one thing they knew they have in common…their love for God.

 

 

I need to sit down and write down my questions. I will try to do Fridays as long as I can. Maybe at some point I can talk to them about a different day if this day doesn’t end up working. I know it’s only day one but it’s a good day one. Baby steps is the way to get to where I want to be. I am happy.

Job Corp

So Nathan has been in Job Corp for about six months now. I really can’t begin to tell you how wonderful this program is. The truth is that I had almost given up on Nathan. I had certainly given up the idea of him graduating from high school. He had given up on himself.

 

Then the school briefly mentioned Job Corp. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about it. One of my friends from work had mentioned that her niece had gone to Job Corp and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I did some research though and I really didn’t find much on it at all. What I did find was something about income eligibility and I dismissed the whole thing because I knew that we wouldn’t qualify for that. I mean, we feel like we are poor but we always make too much money to qualify for anything. So when the school mentioned it, I decided to pick up a phone and speak to someone. I was pleasantly surprised.

 

I called and point blank told her that although the school had mentioned the program that I was sure we qualified. It was explained to me that when a child has a diagnosis that the income requirements fall on the student alone and since Nathan does not work, he qualifies. That call was followed up with an appointment to an Open House.

 

The Open House was great. I love everything they stand for and what they are doing for these kids. I was a bit concerned that Nathan wouldn’t be interested. They had no internet except for school things, they had a curfew, they had to do their own laundry, the list went on and on. All great things but not things that I ever thought in a million years my son would want to be a part of. He is a teenager after all. When walking to the car when the Open House was over, Nathan told me he wanted to do it. I don’t really know who had a bigger smile, me or him. We got stuck in traffic on our way back home and it took us almost two hours to get home. The whole ride we talked about the program. I can’t remember the last time I have seen Nathan so excited about anything. Just seeing him smile, made it all worthwhile.

 

He started in July, the Tuesday after CJ’s birthday party.

 

So as I was saying, Nathan has been in the program  for almost six months now. He lives there during the week and comes home on the weekends. He came home for a three week break for Christmas and New Year. I love to hear him talk about his week. There is excitement in his voice and he is really having a good time. His academics are great. He is a third of the way done on his tests for his high school diploma. He is steadily working on his training for Construction. I was so surprised when he chose Construction as a trade. He enjoys it though. He has a best friend, who has finished the program and I am sure that he misses. But he has other friends too.

 

Nathan has a girlfriend too. Well, they have been together on and off before but I guess it’s more of a grown up relationship now. She came with us to Six Flags in October to my company outing. She seems like a good kid. She has her own issues like Nathan though and I worry that they can’t be as supportive to each other when they are dealing with their own demons but I am happy that they are happy. Who am I to say what is right and wrong.

 

Job Corp has changed Nathan in so many ways. We have more conversations. He is more outgoing. He is more social. He looks forward to his future. I just don’t know where we would be without it. It gave me hope when I had lost hope and it is a blessing.

 

 

Catching Up With Larissa

There has been so much that happened with Larissa since I last wrote about her. She moved back to RI with Mason in August. I was terrified. I didn’t her to wind up back in the same situation. Her and Brandon are just destructive to each other.

 

So she moved back and moved in with her dad. She started dating a boy that she knew before that had a child of his own and she spent most of her time over there. His parents were amazing to her and Mason. I am so thankful for all that they did for them. But things came to a quick end.

 

Larissa picked up the pieces of her life and kept going. She stayed with her dad for a while until things just didn’t work there anymore and then she moved in with Debra into her apartment. At first it was great living with one of her best friends but as we all know, it slowly got in the way of their relationship. Larissa started dating Steve, who she met at Five Guys and they seem to hit it off quickly. Steve has two children of his own but he pays child support and sees his kids and that’s all good in my book. Debra moved out of her apartment and in with her girlfriend and Steve moved in with Larissa in December. It hasn’t been that long but they seem truly happy. Larissa has never had a relationship like this. This is truly a grown up relationship where you respect and trust each other.

 

It makes me smile to see the two of them together. He really makes her happy and from what I see, she makes him really happy too. I love to see them with their kids. They have the beginnings of a small family. Life will be hard, it always is when a blended family comes together and even harder when they are that young. I hope they lean on each other and make this work. I know that they are young and I am not trying to rush anything onto them but there is nothing more important than seeing your kids happy. This has been such a long time coming and I want to continue to see her happy.

Happy New Year

It is a time for reflection as we enter the new year.

 

2014 was filled with ups and downs but it was a great year. It had some serious bumps but the joy of all the good overpowered the bad that year. I turned 40 and I was in the best health ever. My grandson was born and what a feeling that although I anticipated, I had no idea at all. Jose and I got engaged and started planning our wedding. I was so happy with where I was at in my life. I was in my happy place. I was content with all that I had accomplished in life and where I was headed. It was a good year for me.

 

2015 was also filled with ups and downs but because I could not get out of my own head, I couldn’t enjoy the good. There has been so much good. Actually this should have been my best year yet with all that happened this year. Truly some milestones this year and some great steps. I got married to my one true love. Larissa is in her happy place with a great guy, an apartment and a job with steps for advancement already in place. Nathan started Job Corp and has been given a second chance. He loves it there and he is excelling. He has a best friend there and so many other friends. He even has a girlfriend. CJ is growing into such a grown little person and I love how smart he is. It is nice to see him try to find his place in this world. We moved to downsize and although I am still struggling to make it feel like home, it has freed up funds to allow us to have more fun as a family. And although I look back and can truly see the good that happened this year, it’s like the joy is missing from my heart. I have so much to be thankful for. I have tried so hard to push it away but this year the darkness has won.

 

2016 is going to be about ME. I need to get me back on track. I need to focus on getting me out of the darkness that consumed me in 2015. So I apologize ahead of time but I am putting me first. I have spent my whole life taking care of everyone else and it’s in my blood so I know that I won’t be able to stop but I need to take a step back. I have serious issues with saying no to people and I am going to work on not taking on too much. I need to work on my happiness. I have the most amazing husband by my side, holding my hand and doing the best he can to pull me out of this. I have three great children who make me smile because I know the amazing people they have turned into are a reflection of me. I have a fun loving and energetic grandson that keeps me on my toes and reminds me what family is all about. And I have family and friends who have stuck with me through the good, the bad and the ugly. I can’t express how thankful I truly am. I know I can do this. I know I can fight this. This is my year.