Good-bye 2009

Happy New Years Eve to everyone. I hope that everyone has a happy and safe New Years. You are all in my thoughts. Talk to you all in 2010.

Taking out the OLD, Bringing in the NEW

I can't believe that New Years Eve is tomorrow. I am still working on my 2010 to-do list but until then I wanted to post something else. I have received this from numerous friends and thought that it was appropriate enough and very well put so I wanted to share with everyone.

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.. 4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive
present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin
your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum
that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Back to Work

Christmas has passed but the spirit is still here.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas with your family. I had a very nice quiet and relaxing Christmas and weekend. It was just what we needed. The kids had a great time and so did we. Everything just went smoothly. This whole season has been wonderful. We have been so blessed to have so many people to spend time with this holiday season but most importantly I have been blessed to have Jose and the kids. Each year is just another little reminder of how lucky I truly am.

Now we look to the New Year. First and foremost, I want this coming year to be better than the last. Isn't that what we always strive for. I am going to be working on my famous to-do list for 2010 this week. I am hoping to get it posted on here for New Years of shortly after. I will also be going over last years list and see how I did. Maybe I will have to bump some onto this years again...lol. Talk to you all soon !

I also want to include more pics in the blog this year so I am posting this pic because I think that it is just beautiful and reminds us of the innocentness of childhood.

Our Perfect Place

Well this will be our second Christmas here in NC. It will be our second Christmas of new traditions and new beginnings. We will be spending it at home in our jammies watching the kids open presents. I will take tons of pics and share them with you all as usual. We want you all to see the kids growing before your very eyes. This year CJ understands a little bit more about Christmas and what it means. Nathan and Larissa haven't asked for much at all for Christmas. I could take that as they already have so much or I could take it as they are truly amazing kids who are thankful for what they have. I choose to believe that they are amazing kids. After all, they are my kids. :o)

I can't believe that we have been here this long already. Living here feels so natural like this is where we were meant to be. It's amazing that we spent so much time in one place not knowing what else is out there. We hope that at some point, every one of our family and friends in RI can take a trip here to see why we love it so much. We are lucky enough to have enough room for plenty of visitors so don't hesitate.

I don't know if we will spend the rest of our lives here in NC but I do know that we will not spend it in RI. We are truly blessed with all the family and friends that we had to leave behind in RI. We can always look back and know that we have nothing but great memories. We even anticipate visiting often and seeing everyone again but now having seen what else there is out there, it has just opened our eyes to so much more. RI is where Jose and I spent most of our lives. It is where our children were born. It will always be a piece of our lives and our hearts. But we have to look forward to our future and we have so much more here. Concord, NC is not perfect for everyone but it is perfect for us at this moment in our lives. I hope that everyone out there can find their perfect place for them, no matter where that place might be. There is such a satisifaction in knowing that you are where you want to be and where you should be.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and although I am working, I do not know if I will have time to post. So I want to wish everyone out there a very Merry Christmas !

Christmas is coming !

I can't believe that Christmas is Friday. Where does the time go? Don't get me wrong, I am more than ready for Christmas but it seems like this year has just flown by.

Let's see...the Christmas tree is up, the decorations are outside, the gifts are all bought, 1/3 of the gifts are wrapped (2/3 will be wrapped after tonight) and I have to go grocery shopping tonight for Christmas Dinner.

I can't wait for Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids faces on Christmas morning. I can't wait to spend the day helping them pull everything out of the boxes and bags and going through it all. The joy of being so innocent. The simplest things make the kids happy. We get so worked up in the buying and sending of gifts that we forget to slow down and enjoy it all. This Christmas season has been wonderful for me. I have so much to be thankful for and so many people to be thankful for. There are so many people out there that have so much less than we do. Those without jobs or worst yet, without homes. Those that have lost loved ones and those that won't get to spend Christmas with their loved ones. I just want everyone to take some time on Christmas and take a look around at what you have. You might not have gotten what you wanted for Christmas or you might not have been able to give your kids and family members what you would have liked but don't you have what really matters?

I hope that everyone had a very merry christmas and a happy new year from my family to yours.

RIP Bianca Chanise Borges

Today my little girl would have been 16. I will never know what she would have looked like or what she would be like but I do know that she is looking down on me and her siblings and smiling. I will never forget her and I will never allow my children to forget that they have a sister who is an angel.

Happy Birthday and Rest In Peace. We love you and miss you !

Tuesday

Hey Everyone. Today is Tuesday. Last night we took pics for our Christmas cards finally. Hopefully I can get them done and out tomorrow or the next day the latest so that you can all get them in time for xmas. What a hassle it was to keep everyone still and smiling. But the overall outcome was really great. I love the way the pics came out and can't wait to share them with everybody.

Tonight Nathan has boy scouts. It is their Chrsitmas party combined with thier ceremony to give badges too. I wish that I remembered the name of that but unfortunately I don't quite have the terminology down yet. Nathan will be getting his first boy scout badge tonight. He is super excited and we will be sure to take pics so you will all have that to look forward to.

I called Larissa to make sure that the battery for the camera is on the charger for tonight and she informed me that my mother is decorating the outside of the house. So maybe I will have some pics of that too, who knows.

I actually downloaded all the pics from my camera yesterday when we did our Christmas pics so I will be able to share them with you all once I get them in some kind of order so that you know what you are looking at. I don't even remember what was there but I am sure you will enjoy them, regardless of what they are.

Hope everyone has a great night, I know we will. Talk soon !

This Weekend

This was a pretty great weekend. Larissa spent the weekend with her best friend and her family in the mountains. Jose and I took the boys with us to Karen's for Penny Poker. We had such a blast. We didn't go home until about 1am, I think...lol.

Saturday was Jose's company Christmas Party. It was alright I guess. It was free ! The food was great and it was all you can eat and it was open bar. What more could you ask for? We watched as some very important people made fools of themselves and that was pretty much it.

Sunday my plans got cancelled so we ended up being able to go to the lighting of the tree in our community. It is wonderful. They lined all the streets of the community with candles. They had free pics with Santa then they got to go outside and have snowball fights with the man made snow they had out on the lawn. The kids had a blast. Then they went inside for free hot chocolate and cookies. God I love the south ! I will be posting pics on facebook and snapfish soon because I think that I got some great ones of the boys.

Talk to you all tomorrow !

Because She is My Mother !

Things with my mother have officially taken a turn for the worst again. Ok, so they have been there for longer than I care to admit. Last night and tonight just happen to be the icing on the cake that is just making me have a panic attack and causing my asthma to flair up...big time.



Those of you who have known me for a really long time know the history of my mother and I. You know the pain, the trials and the attempts to salvage our relationship. I have realized this morning that there is no salvage to our relationship. I should have realized this years ago but "becasue she is my mother", I have always had hopes that we could work through our problems and have a normal mother/daughter relationship. The reality has finally set in that just isnt' possible and now I have to deal with it.



Another realization that I discovered recently is that Larissa is at the age that my sister was when my mother left her in Portugal with my brother. I am 35 years old and I now have three children of my own, very close in age to what my mother had at that time. If there was ever any reason that I would need to run away with CJ permenantly because of safety reasons, I would NEVER leave Nathan and Larissa behind. I am a big believer in not judging someone else's actions but in this particular situation, I do know all the angles and reasons behind it and I feel as though I have a right to feel something about this. I personally have always felt that I had a kind of reverse grudge for her, my mother, having abandoned my brother and my sister. It always blew my mind as to why my brother and my sister didn't have that same grudge. Of course, they don't have any idea about the effects of her decision on me and likewise, I am sure that I am not aware of theirs. It is not something that we have ever spoken about. Maybe for healing purposes, I should initiate that conversation sometime. That is another story all together though. Back to my children. Larissa is 15 ! She is no position to even understand what mom leaving and not coming back would mean. There would be no way in HELL ! I have realized that my pain has turned to confusion and bitterness through the years. Those are feelings that I want to feel but it is what is there.



Only those that have witnessed my mother's actions truly know what I have gone through and continue to go through. And it is those individuals that might begin to understand my pain. My relationship with my mother has always been bitter sweet. She is my mother, of course I love her. I make decisions all the time not to hurt my mother and as a result, I am hurting my children and my family. No, not physically but mentally. The kind of damage that never really goes away. Once again I am faced with the decision to speak to her...lol. You all know that there is no speaking to my mother but none the less, I still have to take that step. For my own sanity and my childrens, I have to wait til the holidays pass, if it can wait. The tension in the house can be cut with a knife and sparks fly at the drop of a hat....literally. I am not sure that the situation can hold itself until then but I have to at least try. I have allowed her to continue to do and say things "because she is my mother". She has has taken advantage of my feelings for her. I keep wanting to fix the problem but now I know that it can't be fixed. She refuses to even admit that she is doing anything wrong. All the wrong she has done can not be undone. All I can do is learn from my mistake and ensure that I don't allow it to happen anymore. The problem is that I know the outcome of all this and I have to be ready to deal with that as well.

Once again, I call on my friends for prayers to help me get through this. Only God really knows what I am going through but some strong shoulders and listening ears sometimes make a world of a difference !



Even in the bible it states that children must leave their families to start their own. For some reason, I have never been able to do that. That has been my flaw.

Happy Hump Day

I am trying hard to get back into the swing of blogging. So I am back on here today. I don't have a topic planned out for today so I will just fill you in on little things.

Nathan is loving boy scouts. He is taking his test for his first badge next Tuesday and if all goes well then he will be getting his first badge on the 15th. I am trying not to get him to hyped up about it because he has very little time to prepare but he is determined.

Larissa has been "forcefully" keeping up with her school work with my help but at least she is trying. All of her grades have been brought up and she has kept them there. I guess that little incentives really help and so do punishments. I just have to keep the energy up to keep up with it all.

CJ is talking like he never had a problem. Still waiting to hear back from speach to see if they will continue with him or not. He is just learning so much and getting into way too much. He picks things up so quickly and he is just a spitfire. He asked Santa for a black spiderman. Ever since he saw Spiderman III, he has been obsessed with it. He even wanted me to take back the spiderman costume he wore for Halloween and get him Black Spiderman. I managed to distract him and just get him to wear it. So I will be on the hunt for something with him for Christmas.

I am still much in the holiday spirit. I have the music stuck in my head, my tree up, presents bought, cards getting ready to send out and I can't wait to bake cookies. I feel like this is a very special year and I honestly don't know why. As I mentioned before, I think that Jose and I have two very special angels making sure that we remember what Christmas is really all about. God only knows how much we are going to miss them but we know that they are looking down upon us. So I hope that y'all are having a great time this holiday season and that you have the Christmas spirit in you as well.

Remember:
Only put off for tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. -Pablo Picasso

The Holidays

I just wanted to stop in here and say hello once again. I feel like I go through periods of neglecting my writing but what can I do...life sometimes takes more time than planned. :o)

Thanksgiving has passed. I am so thankful for all the people that joined us for that wonderful day. It was such a great time. It came and went and I can honestly say that I was able to enjoy it. I actually don't think that I have many (if any) pictures from that day because I was busy enjoying it with everyone. Don't y'all pass out on me now, it does happen. It doesn't happen often but there are times when I don't take pictures...lol.

Christmas is just around the corner. My tree is up and the house is somewhat decorated. I have come down with this awful cold so it is kind of holding me down but I am determined to keep going. This is my favorite time of year. I am missing all of my family and friends back in RI. This season always makes us think of the ones we can't be with. Jose and I have both lost such precious people to us this year (Jose grandmother and my godmother) that it will make the holidays a little more sentimental than usual. I am looking for two very special angel ornaments to place on our tree in memory of them. We both carry such wonderful memories with them and I know that is how they would both want to be remembered.

New Years will follow shortly after and y'all know what that means, right?! It means that it is time to revisit my to-do list for 2009 and put up my to-do list for 2010. I know that there are things that I was not able to do for 2009 but I did get through most of my list and I have tried to stay on track. I hope that everyone has their own list to go through. A new year means anything can happen but you have to make it happen !

So that is it for now. I just wanted to tell you all that I am thinking of you even though I might not send out an email or pick up the phone. You are all in my heart and never too far from my thoughts.

Love you all !

Thankfulness

Once again, it has been a while since I have written. On my drive to work this morning, I had so many things that I wanted to discuss on here but one thing has snuck into my thoughts and managed to engulf my day so that is what I will share today.

The holidays are upon us. Thanksgiving is only a couple of weeks away and Christmas will be here before you know it. This weekend, I somehow got blessed with the Christmas spirit early. I picked up a Christmas CD and instantly was transformed. I baked with the kids, listened to jingles and just really enjoyed myself. I would have put up the Christmas tree with all the spirit and energy that I had but my mother told me that I was insane. Frankly, I think that I agreed with her...lol.

Larissa's party was a success, as all of you know. I owe all of that success to a few people that I could not have done it without. My mother of course who made Larissa's dress, helped me with the centerpeices, and all the little details not to mention help out financially to the best she could and helping me set up the hall. My friend Didi, who came in from RI, helped me plan from A-Z, officiated the ceremony and stayed up with me on Saturday night til 3am helping me put together centerpeices and favors and flowers, ect. Not to mention going with me to get the food and helping me set up the hall too. Then there was Paula. She was my rock that kept me up. She helped me plan the food, helped me with all the odds and ends that she had so I didn't have to buy them, she helped me set up and clean up too. And although she is going through one of the most difficult time in her life, she managed to be there looking incredible with her two girls to make sure that Larissa's day was perfect. And lastly, my friend Kelly...who was at my house helping me transport food, helped me set up and watched CJ for me so that the rest of us could get anything done. Those were my saviors. I am sure they did more than that but that is what I can think of now. And to the rest of you who came and cooked too. I can't thank you enough. I am thankful for all the smiling faces and also thankful for the wonderful food that you helped me provide. I can't thank you all enough. I sincerely could not have done it without y'all. :o)

So with Thanksgiving around the corner, I am realizing how important it really is to be thankful for what you have. There are so many people around me that are in need of so much help right now from jobs to cars to houses and some even food. This economy has effected us all in one way or another. So I have a very strange question to ask you all that I hope you don't take the wrong way. Do you ever think that maybe God had some hand in this economic situation? I mean, we have become such a selfish society placing God at the bottom of our list. We want bigger homes, newer cars, better jobs, more material things, more toys for our kids and we forget to be thankful for all that we have. The roof over our heads, the kids asleep in their beds each night, the food on our tables and the love we have and can share. And most importantly, a God that loves us unconditionaly. Take a moment today to tell all those around you how much you love them because they might not know it and you never know what tomorrow will bring.

I love you all !

Larissa's 15th Birthday

Today is Larissa's 15th birthday. That is insane. It was 15 years ago that I gave birth to one of my many miracles. I can remember it almost like it was yesterday. I remember the long intense hours of labor and the first time I laid eyes on her. I remember thinking how small she was and how fragile she was. Well she is still small and fragile...to an extent. She was 4lb and 7ozs and she was about the size of a cabbage patch doll. So much so that we have her picture of her on Halloween in a cabbage patch doll carrier that one of the nurses had found. Wow...15 years ago. Where does the time go? I remember her first day of day care and her first day of dance. I remember her first day playing soccar and baseball...sports are still not her thing. I remember her first day of kindergarten and then middle school and then high school. I remember the long wait to bring her home from the hospital. The daily trips to the hospital. I also remember the phonecall letting us know that she would be coming home that day. So many memories, so much time and it all seems like it was yesterday.

Today she celebrates her 15th birthday but I celebrate 15 years (and counting) of being blessed with an amazing daughter. A daughter that sometimes blows me away with the way she handles life. Seeing her develop into a young lady has really blown my mind. Don't get me wrong, she is a teenager. She yells, pouts, rolls her eyes and pissed me off daily. She makes mistakes and bad choices just like any other teen too. But her choices in friends, the way that she treats them, her choices in boys and the way that she expects to be treated is just incredible. She just knows things that it takes years for grown woman to learn. Maybe she has learned a few things from her old mother after all. I mean, the only reason I know so much is from learning from my mistakes. I have made many mistakes in my life and the knowledge that comes with getting myself back up and on track is just overwhelming. I try to share all of my learning experiences (that are appropriate) with my daughter but usually just assume that it is going in one ear and out the other. Her actions tell me otherwise though and maybe some of it does sink in though.

So I will enjoy today and know that she is growning and will one day have a life of her own. I worry about the choices she makes about her future, maybe that she isn't taking it seriously enough, maybe that she doesn't understand the responsibility that comes with growing up. Then I look back at me at that age and realize that I had no idea of any of that either. I did grow up though, I did work and get my own place. I learned responsibility. I think that I turned out pretty good if I can say so myself so I will have the same faith in her. A 15 year old beautiful sophomore in high school. I look at her and think that I had to have done a good job raising her. I dread her no longer needing me one day but I know that she will always be my little girl and I will always be her mother.

Thank you God for an amazing daughter.

To Blog or Not To Blog....

...that is the question. I started this blog to keep everyone informed with what is going on with our lives but I guess it has turned into somewhat of a diary for me. My mission of reaching out to everyone at once really isn't working the way that I had intended. Since it's therapeutic to actually sit here and type though, I will continue.

Let's see what has been going on since I last wrote !

LICE, LICE & More LICE
My poor little guy, CJ went through a torturous week this past week. He came home Monday with head lice from day care and it was a battle all week long to try to get each and every last nit out of his hair. If any of you ever end up with lice, call me and I am sure that I can give you recommendations and tell you what you should do. We used Nix, olive oil, mayo, vinegar and some other store bought thing. We washed sheets, pillows, clothes and blankets. We sprayed mattresses, couches and carpets. We bagged decorative pillows and stuffed animals. I don't know how I am still sane but they are finally gone.

Larissa's Birthday
Things have been falling into place nicely. We have the hall, centerpeices, favors, dresses for the girls. All duties have been handed out. Songs and readings have been picked. Readers have been picked. Dress rehearsal scheduled. My mom is making her dress so I don't have to worry about that. I will be picking up her bible, tiara and bouquet this week. Oh, and invites should be done tonight and mailing tomorrow. (I am really behind on these...so not like me)

My Mom
Obviously you know that my mother is coming back if she is making Larissa's dress. She is coming next Wednesday night. I am really excited about her coming back. I have missed her so much and her making Larissa's dress makes it even more special. I fear that we will end up back at the same place after she has been here a while but I am optomistic that the time and relaxation she has had in Portugal will return her with a clear head. She will be returning to Portugal in January for my aunt's surgery and for her recovery. She plans on staying there for a while and once again will not have an official return date. I personally think that her plan is to stay 6 months here and 6 months in Portgual, allowing her to spend half the year with all her kids and grandkids. But she has not officially said that to me, it was just the way that has been talking about things that have led me to believe this.

Me....
I have been on a decorating kick. Slowly I have been getting things for my family room and this past Saturday woke up with tons of energy. I finally moved all of the toys out of the family room and into the play room where they belong. I was able to put up the end tables that I got from another mommy for $10. I was going to spray them black but got tired and decided that I would just put them up the way that they are (silver). Turns out that they look pretty good so I think that I might leave them that way...at least until I get bored with them again. I also put up the table lamps that Ana found for me at yard sales. I like the way that the two different styles look and balance each other. I might still search for a matching set but for now they look really nice. I also painted an area rug. Yes, you heard me right. I am weird, what can I say. I got the idea from a DIY magazine and went for it. I started by painting a 5" border around the edge. I had planned on doing more to it but I just let it dry and decided that I really liked it simple like that. So that too will stay that way until I get bored with it. The simple black has a classic look and it will go with the color changes in the room that I will inevitably go through. I have a coffee table that was another find too. I have it upstairs in my room but don't like it there so it will probably end up coming down to the family room, which is where it was originally intended for. I have black stain that I bought a while back for something else so I think that will be the treatment of choice for that table. It will be a great table to have family game night because the sides fold up for more room. I just need to make sure that CJ doesn't pinch his fingers on it. That is my biggest fear.
So other than that, I am trying to get into couponing. Not very good at it yet. I don't have much patience for it but that is because I don't really understand it quite yet. I am sure that time will fix that. Haven't done much scrapbooking but tons of ideas in my head. Trying to think ahead to Christmas already and that is about it. So I have to go back to my lists for Larissa's party and see what else needs to be done that hasn't been done already. Talk to you guys soon.

Divine Appointment

I got an email today from a friend. This was just a part of it but it really speaks for how I feel at times so I wanted to share it with you guys...

What is a divine appointment? I believe it's a ‘meeting’ which is inspired and led by God. I'm sure you've had those kinds of moments in your life.... those moments when you've experienced "coincidences" or when things just seemed "meant to be.” You know, when you're in EXACTLY the right place at the right time. And the best part is, something wonderful always comes out of moments like these! I love when they come about and look for them on a daily basis! We see the faithfulness of God. we see His hand of restoration in our lives and the lives of others. We see a God that loves us and speaks to us through the whole of our lives. There are moments of grace that continually surround us and the ones we love. If we stay open and receptive, we'll encounter God often, and in powerful ways. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD and he delights in his way.” Psalms 37:23 Amen!!

I know...I know...

I am slacking when it comes to writing. Too much is going on in this crazy head of mine and my lunch time, which is the time that I normally write, has been spent doing things for Larissa's birthday.

So let me do a quick catch up yet again:

Larissa is doing...well she is doing the same thing she does every year. She falls behind on a ton of assignments, I get progress reports, then she makes them all up and she gets A's & B's. This stresses me out but apparently it is part of her personality. Must be something from her father's side that she inherited. Her favorite class is Broadcasting. This seems to be her new thing this year. The class is going really well and they even got to make their first of many short ameteur films and I wanted to share with you all. There are some really good parts and other parts not so much. I can't wait to see as they progress with them though. I am not sure how many they will be doing in total. They had to work with camera angles, lighting, and sound. So here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpw3qDYwoMA . She is also onto another boyfriend. This one is named Ryan. What else is there to say, he is cute and he is nice and let's see how long this one lasts...lmao.

Nathan is doing great in school as usual. He is catching up with his reading level which makes me proud. He continues to do great on projects too. He is back at Karate and working on trying to get another belt. I took him to go see Surrogates last night. I had free tickets to the pre-screening and he was my date. It had been a long time since we had spent some alone time and it was nice. He is so grown and I tend to forget that.

CJ is doing great. He was moved up the 3 year old room on Wednesday and he is adapting really really well. He loves the teachers and he doesn't cry to go to school anymore. He loves going to the big boy room...lol. This room has more educational value, which is what I wanted. He starting to learn about his letters. He is talking more and more and he is doing wonderful with not having accidents. It is amazing to me how much that boy can take in and learn at one time.

I am sure all of you know by now that Jose's grandmother passed away. He is in RI now and the service is tonight. I hope that he is going to be ok tonight. This is his first real big loss and it was tough for him here but I can't imagine him seeing his mother, sister and aunt break down. I don't know what kind of effect that will have on him. Can't wait to have him back on Sunday.

Gotta go...talk to you guys soon. Bye !

CJ is doing GREAT !!!!

This is going to be short and to the point because I don't have too much time but I wanted to share my thoughts on CJ's progress with you all.

CJ started at Elite on August 10th. He is now speaking in sentences, he no longer has his pacifier and he is officially potty trained ! He had to start in the 2 year old room when he started at Elite because he wasn't potty trained. Next week he will be going up to the 3 year old room from 9-11 each day to meet the teacher, meet the kids and get used to the classroom and what they might do differently. If all goes well, and I am sure that it will, he will be moving up to the 3 year old room the week after that on the 28th. It is amazing to me how a little person can take so much in during such a short period of time. He has really grown the past couple of months. My baby is growing up !

So sorry that once again, time has passed and I have not written. It is not that I don't want to, it is that sometimes time does not allow for it at work and at home there is just no time at all. I will try to be back on tomorrow.

My Guardian Angel

Have you ever had a day when you can't seem to get a particular person out of your head? Well I am having that kind of day. I have been having that kind of month but today is the day when it's the strongest.

I haven't gotten over the death of my godmother yet but somehow her death is a little more bearable knowing that I had really said my good-byes to her when she was still in her right mind. I knew the day was coming and I also knew that she was happily waiting for it. Experiencing the death of my godmother though has opened so many feelings from my godfather's death.

It has been 19 years and it still feels like yesterday at times. My godfather was the single most influential man in my life...until now. My godfather was very soft spoken and very reserved unless he was around people that he was really comfortable with. He never argued with my godmother or raised his voice to her. I am sure they argued but never in front of everyone. Airing their dirty laundry just wasn't something that they ever did. They seemed to always be in harmony with each other, finish each other's sentence and know each other's actions before they did it. The marriage that he and my godmother had is what I strive to have some day.

My godfather was a very religious man. It isn't that my godfather would spend hours talking about it or going to church, he just was. He would go to church on Sunday, every Sunday. If we weren't near our church then he would go to any church in the area. It was sacred to him. And his actions showed his love and belief for God. He had a respect for himself, life and his family that just shows a kind of connection with God.

My godfather was a wonderful man and such a big part of my life for the short time he was here. I don't ever remember a time that he let me down or disappointed me. Not that he spoiled me (well, ok, so he did) but he just had this way about him.

He hated to shop but he loved to drive. So, he would tell us all to get ready and he would drive us to a far mall, many trips were made to The Crystal Mall in CT. When we got there my mom and godmother would go shopping and I would hang with my godfather. We would sit and have milkshakes or throw pennies into the fountains or go look at books. He loved books and loved to learn about anything and everything. He would buy a book about the stars and then sit there and read it and then teach it to me. He opened my eyes to so many things through books and by example. I would spend hours with him in the garden or going clam digging.

He encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. He had complete faith in my abilities. I remember he bought this white statue of The Virgin Mary and put it in the yard and Mary stood in this white semi-circle, you know the inlet thing she stands on that surounds her? Well, I sat with him on the porch and made a comment about how white it all was and how beautiful it would be if we could paint a blue sky with clouds in the back so that it looked like she was in heaven. I had seen it done on tv (Bob Ross) but never actually done it. He went and bought the paint and said "go ahead and do it". I was so scared. I was so afraid of messing up his statue. He told me to do it and if I didn't like then we could always paint it white again. I did it and it came out beautiful. It was actually the first time that I painted and it gave me the courage to do more later on. He was so proud of me and he would show anyone who came to the house.

The relationship we had was like no other and it still is. I know that this must sound silly but I guess that today I have been feeling his presence all around me. Like he is really with me and watching over me and my family. It is a feeling that is just so comforting and unexplainable. I just felt like sharing this with you all. Hope everyone is having a great day.

Re-Cap

To those of you that might actually be following my blog, I want to apologize for taking such an absence from it. As we all know, life often gets in the way of doing things that we enjoy. So let me recap since the last time I was on.

I have had to cancel our trip to RI for Larissa's birthday. Although I try to be superwoman at times , I clearly am missing the cape and am not. So after talking to Jose about it and going over what we can and can not do, over and over again, we had no choice. I sat with Larissa and of course went through the typical emotions....sadness, tears, anger, frustration. Once she was done with all that, I offered to give her what I could here. So I have been insanely busy canceling things in RI and finding things here. I finally have a hall to have it in. She has had to pick her court here, we have had to adjust some of the program. I have notified all the parents and explained to them what it is and we have gone looking for dresses for the girls. So far...it has been a success. After looking high and low for a dress for Larissa, I have turned to my mother. She has reassured me that she can make her dress with little time and her estimated time to come home is the end of Sept or the very beginning of Oct so she will have plenty of time. I know how good she is.

Nathan has started Karate again and loves being back. The class has managed to shrink. That is the thing with free classes is that people don't really feel obligated to go. If they were paying for them, then you can bet your bootie that they would show up. So anyways, when the classes are smaller is when the kids benefit from it the most because they have more one on one time.

CJ and Jose were both sick this weekend. This stupid viral thing that we can't do anything about. This might have been a long weekend but it was a draining weekend for me. CJ had his ups and downs. His fever was doing it's own thing. I did give him motrin and gave him cool baths and for the most part, it was bareable except at night. He has this terrible cough that has made his throat raw and he cries when he coughs. Well he was anyways, last night he only woke up twice...hip hip hooray! And he is back into his own bed which is great news for my back!

Yesterday was my godson's birthday and I was so happy to be able to talk to him. I can't believe how big he is getting, all the kids actually. It is so hard to be so far away during special times like this. And he made me feel bad too...lol. I asked him how his day was and he said good. I asked if he had a lot of people and he said, no just family. And then he said " and you weren't here !" I told him how much I missed him and that if I could have been there, I would but it's just not possible. I wonder how much of all this kids really understand. Moving has definatly been one of the best things we could have done for our family but the family we left behind is so far away now and I fear that the kids especially will start to forget us. I have to keep up in their lives so that they understand how much we love them even though we can't be there.

Well that's it for today. I have to get back online and look for a few more things and ideas and I will try to back on tomorrow. Is anyone really out there anyway or am I just talking to myself ?!

Karoake at Wild Wings Cafe

Jose and I went to Wild Wings Cafe last night for some karoake. There were eight of us in total and we had a BLAST. It was so much fun. I didn't drink, so you know that I didn't sing but some of the people with us did and the crowd got really pumped. Drunk people singing completly out of tune...what's not to like....lol. It was a really good time and we can't wait to do it again some time. We got to make some new friends too and that is always a great thing.

Well that's all for today because I have things to do during lunch but I will be back tomorrow. Stay tuned...LMAO.

All About Me

Thought I would share one of those quirky question thingie we all get in our emails....60 things about me. It was a bit long if you ask me but I was a trooper

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? GI Joe
4. What is your favorite TV show? My Wife & Kids
5. What did you have for breakfast? wheat bagel with lite cream cheese
6. What is your middle name? Alexandra
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Anything spicey
8. What foods do you dislike? most shellfish, except for scallops
9. What is your favorite Potato chip? Stacey's Pita Chips
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Don't have one as I listen to the radio all the time
11. What kind of car (truck) do you drive? my mother's car
12. What is your favorite sandwich? grilled cheese with bacon & muffeletta
13. Favorite item of clothing? pj's and Jose's t-shirts
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Portugal
15. What color is your bathroom? which one? Master is brown and beige, upstairs bath is burgundy and the downstairs bath is....green?
16. Favorite brands of clothing? whatever is on sale
17. Where would you want to retire to? don't know yet, too soon to know
18. Favorite time of day? Morning
19. Where were you born? Lisbon, Portugal
20. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey of course.
21. What type of detergent do you use? whatever is on sale
22. Coke or Pepsi? COKE !!!!!
23. Are you a morning person or night owl? Morning person
24. What size shoe do you wear? 6 1/2 - 7
25. Do you have pets? Four cats, two hampsters and a bird (currently)
26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? This is a blog...there is always news.
27. What did you want to be when you were little? lawyer, teacher, cop, you name it.
28. Favorite Candy? Take 5
29. What is your best childhood memory? Time with my godparents
30. Different jobs you have had in your life? Babysitter, gas station attendent, waitress for Newport Creamery, office manager, pizza maker, accounts payable clerk, retail work, payment poster, accounts receivable clerk, bookkeeper, admin. ( I am sure there are more)
31. What color underwear are you wearing? white with smilies (joe boxers)
32. Nicknames? Chris, Tina, Mom, Mama, Auntie, Tia
33. Piercing? Ears only
34. Ever been to Africa? No
35. Ever been toilet papered? What?
36. Love someone so much it made you cry? Unfortunately I have.
37. Been in a car accident? too many
38. Croutons or bacon bits? Both
39. Favorite day of the week? Friday
40. Favorite restaurants? Chili's
41. Favorite flowers? Tulips, Lillies and Daisies
42. Favorite ice cream? New York Super Fudge Chunk
43. Who is your best friend? Dalissa
44. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jack in the Box
45. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige
46. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
47. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? max out in this economy?!
48. What do you do most often when you are bored? I don't have time to be bored
49. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jose of course !
50. Ford or Chevy? Toyota, what kind of question was that?!
51. How many tattoos do you have? One
52. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? God made the animals...I rest my case!
53. Who is the love of your life? Jose
54. How many kids do you have? three kids and one angel
55. Favorite kind of movie? love comedy, hate horror
56. Favorite mixed drink? fuzzy navel
57. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
58. Favorite Actor/Actress? Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore/Sandra Bullock
59. Favorite boardgame? Taboo
60. Favorite cartoon? Huh? The Magic Schoolbus

The First Day of School...Update

Larissa had a great first day, as I would have expected. She got broadcasting which she really wanted so she is thrilled. She got on the wrong bus coming home though..lol. I told her to get on bus 57. She got on bus 57 and Liam (her ex) was on there so she went to the driver and asked her if she goes to Sheffield Manor (our community). The driver told her no. So she got off and found her friend Carrie that lives in the other end of Sheffield Manor and got on bus 67 with her and another girl that lives near us. The bus didn't go to our part of Sheffield Manor though so she asked about her stop and the guy said that he doesn't have that stop on his route but he took Larissa and the other girl (Hallie) to the stop anyways. She called me and I called the head of transportation at her school. Her bus IS 57. The woman driver never should have told her that it wasn't her bus. It goes to Laurel Park and then across to Sheffield Manor on our side. They have a lot of new drivers and he thinks that the driver got confused because she said Sheffield Manor and that wasn't on her list. The stop is actually Revolutionary Drive/Judge Place. So we shall try it again tomorrow.
But yeah, so she is on the same bus as Liam. She said that his voice got way deep and he is so much hotter. That is so funny coming from my daughter. But she had a new boy that she likes in her broadcasting class. His name is Steven but he goes by Phillip. She thinks that it's his middle name. I asked her if she thought he likes her too but she said he is shy. I guess only time will tell.
She also has sociology. Dala, do you remember sociology? The funny thing is that she was describing her teacher to me and it so reminds me of Mr Deautch (did I spell that right...lol?). She already loves the class just based on the first day and they actually did work. I wonder if she will like it as much as we did.

Nathan also had a great first day. He did get lost once but he didn't panic and just went to office to get a map. The school is really big ! He made a few new friends but he couldn't remember their names...typical boys. He really likes his classes. He has a technology class, he was super excited about that. He is good with technology anyways and he loves to play with things like that so it will be great to see what he learns.
He has to change for gym now...lol. He was all paranoid and asking me how he was going to have enough time, ect. I told him to calm down and just relax. We have all done it and there is enough time. He is so paranoid about things. He came home with so much paperwork for me to fill out for all his teachers. It was so much easier when there was just one teacher. I was the one up last night doing "homework".
He got home just fine. His bus didn't drop him off until 4:45. Poor kid goes to school for a whole work day but at least it will keep him out of trouble. He likes school too so that shouldn't be a problem. He seemed pretty excited about going back today so that is always a good sign.
We haven't started Karate back up yet. He didn't want to start back up at the same time as school because he was afraid that it would be too much for him. I agree. He needs to settle into the school routine and then we can add the karate routine back in too. I def want him back in karate though because he is so good at it and he excels at it. It makes him feel good and that brings up his self esteem, which he needs.

So I am off to run some errands now...thanks for listening as always.

The First Day of School

Today was the first day of school for Cabarrus County Schools along with many counties in our area.

Larissa spent the night at Taylor's last night so that they could go to school together on the first day. She was all excited with her outfit and school bag. I can't wait to hear all about it when I get home. They changed the hours of the schools this year. Larissa is going from 7:15-2:15 so she has to be up early. Her bus comes at 6:15 so she will be up at the crack of dawn. That also means that she will coming home earlier too. It will be nice that she will have some down time before Nathan comes home from school to get some things done or just to unwind. I know that sometimes I expect a lot out of her but I know she can do it. She will probably come home with at least five new friends today. That girl gives new meaning to social butterfly. She will talk to anyone about anything. I guess that is a good thing but it is so hard to keep up with her friends names and where they live. And she is funny because she will sit and talk to me about her whole day and everyone she talked to and what they talked about. I sometimes want to tune her out...who am I kidding, I do tune her out sometimes. The communication that we have is a blessing, and I know that so I wouldn't do anything to jeopordize that at all. She is way more comfortable talking to me about things than I ever was or am talking to my mother. I also know that there have been and will be times when mom is the last person that you want to talk to and from my own experiences, I try to give her that space too. Well, back to the first day of school. I am sure she is having a great day and I can't wait to hear all about it.

Nathan was super excited too. I spent time with him last night picking out his clothes and packing his backpack and making sure that he has everything he needs. I forgot one thing though, I need to get him a watch. His new school hours for middle school are 9-4 and he won't be getting home until 4:30. That is good because it leaves little time for Larissa and Nathan to fight after school...lol. Anyways, because Nathan goes in later, we are all out of house when he leaves in the morning. I called him today to make sure the he was still awake and told him when to get to the bus stop but he needs a watch so that he can tell what time it is when he is waiting for the bus. Sometimes he likes to wait on the porch until he sees other kids there but he needs to know the time just in case there is that one time when he is the only one that day taking the bus. This is a big deal for Nathan, the middle school thing. It will be the first time that he actually has a locker with a lock on it and has to change classes too. I hope that he is organzied because this is when it can get confusing. Nathan has a little of OCD...with certain things. School has always been one of those things. I already told him that he should expect to get a paper from each of his teachers telling him what supplies he will need for that class along with what they will be doing for the year and what is expected of him. He has his folder ready to put them all in and tonight I will go through it with him. I hope that he has a great first day and I hope that he has good teachers. Can't wait to hear all about his day too.

Chat with y'all tomorrow.
xoxoxox

Today is Jose's Birthday

Why is it that the weekend seems to go by so quickly?! Today is Jose's Birthday. Don't know what we are doing yet tonight. It is his birthday so whatever he wants to do is fine with me. It all depends on his mood. Sometimes he just feels like staying home and hanging out in which case we might just order pizza and stay in. Yes, he loves pizza...it would be my luck..lol. Or if he is in the mood to go out then we will head somewhere with the kids to have a nice quiet family dinner. Oh, who am I kidding, there is nothing quiet about my family at all...lmao.

Nathan and Larissa went to the dr's on Friday. They appear to be healthy kids. Nathan is 68 lbs and he is 4' 5 1/2" and Larissa is 88 lbs and she is 4' 11". I discussed my concerns with the pediatrician about Nathan and his ADHD. Turns out that his doctor has the same thoughts on ADHD and medicine as I do so it was really easy to talk to her. She suggested that we see a therapist here to see our options and because this is not her specialty, she didn't want to point us in the wrong direction. She told me that it has been many years since we last saw a therapist and since his symptoms have changed and so has ways of dealing with it, that there could be other avenues of action we can take. That sounds good to me because I really do want that to be a last resort. They were faxing his paperwork to the place they are referring us to and then they will contact us to make an appointment. I can't wait to talk to someone and see if there is anything we can do at home to make it more managable. You know that I will keep you all posted.

CJ went almost the whole weekend without his pacifier. He just had Saturday night because he woke up crying and I tried everything else but he just kept asking for it. So I gave it to him but took it back first thing in the morning. He hasn't touched it again since then. We went and bought him his big boy underwear this weekend. Today is the big day that he is starting without the pull ups. I can't believe how far he has come in such a short time. I actually have to call his old case worker because I am sure she would be so happy to hear that his progress has been so great. She calls once in a while to check on him but he has taken so many steps since the last time we talked that I need to fill her in.

Larissa is all ready for school. We spent last night picking out her outfits for the week. She is so funny about her clothes. And we also put her backpack together already too. She was playing with her hair to find differ styles when I went to bed. She is such a girl !
Gotta go back to work now, talk to you all later !

CJ and His Pacifier

I just wanted to update everyone. Since CJ has started pre-school, he has been doing much better with his pacifier. As I mentioned before, he has to hand it to me on his way in and we are not allowed to even leave it in the building for him. So I drop him off in the morning and take it with me and when Jose goes to pick him up, he doesn't have it with him. So Jose tells him that he has to wait til he gets home and when he gets home, he forgets all about it between seeing Larissa and Nathan and getting settled into his daily routine. So Monday was a good day. He didn't ask for it until he went to bed and I allowed him to have it. Tuesday was a better day, he fell asleep without it but woke up in the middle of the night crying and asked for it so I gave it to him. Yesterday was great. He went to sleep without and woke up this morning and never asked for it. I dropped him off at pre-school and not one mention of it at all. I feel like this is too good to be true. No melt downs, no taking it away from him, just him letting it go all on his own. He is being such a big boy about it. I wonder if he will have another great night or if he will ask for it today. I have them hidden because they appear to be out of sight, out of mind.

Oh and they are attempting to potty train him too. He wears pull ups there and he is encouraged to use the potty but he hasn't done too good with it. He did go once this week though, I think it was Tuesday but I know that it will all come in due time.

I also wanted to let you all know that my carpets look amazing and I am super thrilled.

And tomorrow I am leaving work at 1:30 to take Larissa and Nathan for annual physicals so I don't know if I will be able to post tomorrow or not. Actually, I will make sure that I make time to after the appointment because that is when I am talking to Nathan's dr about the option of meds for him. Mayi....what happened to you calling me last weekend? Oh, I think that you were too busy with Dennis. Well, you have my number...call me when you want to chat, still waiting for your god-mother feedback!

Last Night and Tonight

Last night I went to Gina's. For those of you who don't know, Gina is who was taking care of CJ before he went to pre-school. Anyhoo, I went because I was taking Larissa to look at the clothes that Emily (Gina's middle daughter) was getting rid of and since they are almost the same size, I thought it would be a good idea. Larissa made out pretty good. She got a couple of bermuda shorts, a skirt, some leggings, a couple sweatshirts, some shirts and tank tops and even a pair of jeans. That was a good start to her back to school clothes that she needed. So when she was done trying on all the clothes, she went upstairs with Taylor (her BFF) and Gina poured us some wine and we chilled in her garage. It is nice to sit back and unwind sometimes. I felt guilty having been out that long but thank goodness I have the most amazing man. He was downloading new songs onto Sing Star and we got to hang and sing. Anyone who has heard us sing, knows that this is not necessarily a good thing but we have such a blast. Nathan and even CJ joined in. CJ did pretty good considering he was just babbling...lol.

Tonight Paula (Teresa) is coming to help me clean my carpets. They look like the tazmanian devil zipped through my house. I know if anyone can help me get them looking close to the way they were, it will be her. I guess maybe I am expecting a miracle of some sort and have already been told that she can't perform miracles but she did hint that she might be able to wave her magic wand and make something happen...lol. So we will probably be up pretty late cleaning the carpets and I will have to open a few beers or open a bottle of wine to get us through it...lol. What kind of host would I be if I didn't share. :o)

Hope that everyone had a good night and will have a good day. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Tuesday's Blog

Not much going on. Saturday we had the birthday party and we had a great time. I got some really cool pics of the kids but of course, I haven't uploaded them yet...lol. Sunday I went to brunch with the girls and it was awesome. It was really the first time since I moved that I had just plans with just the girls. Aside from the terrential downpour of rain and the flooding, we had an amazing time. My stomach actually hurt from laughing when I left. That was so needed.

I have decided to jump head first into Larissa's party plans. Not that I haven't been doing it all along but just realized how close it is and I need to have definate things going on. As I expected, there were many kids that didn't show up for the rehearsal and I am not playing games. So I am trying to finalize the court and zoning in on Larissa's dress because she still doesn't have one! You know, typical plans for a big party.

Jose's friend is coming to visit for the weekend. He is from Florida but he is in the military and stationed in VA right now so he is closer than he was. That will be good because Jose has really been missing his friends. We girls find ways to stay in touch but guys are different. Well anyways, I am excited for him.

So that is about it...will chat later.

School Bus Races Pictures...Just a few

The Cabarrus County School Principals compete in the school bus race in the 1st picture. Nathan's principal gets a little sideways in the second picture (green bus). And 3rd pic is one of the buses who didn't quite make it around the corner. These were the pics from the event but not the ones that I took. I will get around to it but wanted to be sure to get you guys something so you can see them!

...lol...the pictures were uploaded backwards so look from bottom to the top...sorry.

TGIF

There isn't much to say today. Nothing new since last night. Jose and I fell asleep watching CSI together...we are such dorks. Since I don't come on here on the weekends, I thought I would at least post on here what my plans are.
Tonight I have to go get my nails done and then go grocery shopping. So much fun !
Saturday I have a birthday party at 3pm. It should be a lot of fun. There will be a small animal exhibit with frogs, turtles, ect and the some water things to do outside so the kids will be busy and I can actually relax with the adults.
Sunday I am meeting friends for brunch at a cajun restaurant. I have never been there, actually I have never been to that part of town and am really looking forward to it. Can't wait to try the amazing food and of course, great company. What else could a girl ask for?
So that is it until Monday, unless something happens and I need to post. I am going to try to get the pics downloaded from the school bus races this weekend and I need to clean as usual. That is what sucks about a big house...there is more to clean and the cleaning is never done. So hope y'all have a great weekend and I will be back on Monday.

Larissa Is So Smart.

Every once in a while our kids do or say something that makes us realize that we did alright as a parent. One of those moments was today. I was texting with Larissa, as we do often, about anything and everything. I asked her about Todd. Todd is a boy that she has had some interest in because he was there for her when Liam broke up with her. So anyways, I asked what is going on with her and Todd because she had not really been talking about him lately. She said that they are just friends. She told me that Todd has an ex-girlfriend that he talks trash about and then runs to when he is lonely and tells her that he loves her. Larissa said that if he does it to his ex-girlfriend then he will do it to her too. She is so smart. I text her back, telling her that I think she is really smart beause other girls would think that he would change for them. She writes back that he won't change because everything is his way. She said that she is sure that when she walks into school, she can find 100 other boys that are just as cute but that will treat her way better.

How did she get so smart? It takes many woman years to figure that simple little truth out. It took me to get married, get divorced and live on my own with two kids to figure that out. We hear it all the time...there are plenty of fish in the sea but how many of us have spent hours crying over the one that broke our hearts and then moved on without looking back. To hear it come from my beautiful 14 year old makes me realize that I had to have done something right. I know that she will get her heart broken someday...maybe many times but I know that she can handle it too and it will make her stronger. Well, even stronger than she already is. I love that she isn't settling. I love the person that she is turning into. My baby is really growing up and I couldn't be prouder of her.

School Bus Races...what a BLAST !

Last night we went to the school bus races. How was it you ask? It was GREAT, LMAO, Hilarious and can't wait to see it again next year! Ok, so picture this. Seven school buses, each a different color that look like they came out of a junk yard because all the windows are busted out and they have no doors. The principals of the cabarrus county school dept are driving the buses, they got to "decorate" them with spray paint before the race with the school name and whatever else they wanted. I was thinking they were going to go slow...after all school buses aren't exactly designed to race but NO ! They were going really fast, well as fast as you can expect a school bus to go without tipping over on the bends. Which brings me to the next thing. So two school buses tipped over, completely, onto their sides. Everyone was ok, just part of the drama...lol. The race stopped, the ambulance comes out, checks out the driver, announces everyone is ok, and the crowd jumps to their feet screaming and yelling...lmao. Tractors come up and lift the school buses off of their sides and push them away(literally)...what a sight. Don't worry, I got tons of pics. You guys wouldn't expect anything less, right?! As soon as I get them downloaded, I will post them. By the way, Nathan's principal was the second one to tip so his school did not win and Larissa's principal didn't race. She is actually going to talk to them when she gets back to school about racing next year. We had the BEST time....only in the SOUTH !

Nathan and our battle with ADHD

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. Obviously this is what is on my mind today and this is what I will be talking about today. Nathan was about 2 1/2 when he was diagnosed with ADHD. Our pediatrician recommended a doctor for us to go to and work with. He was wonderful with the exception that one of the first words out of his mouth was "do you want meds". With that being said, after I explained to him that I didn't, he taught me what I needed to know about his condition and ways to learn to control it without meds. I have to say that he was right about most of it. I was worried when he was going to start kindergarden because I thought he would always be in trouble but to my surprise, he was at his best in school. According to the doctor, that was because of the structure in the school. That has always saddened me that I can not create that same structure for him at home but then he wouldn't have much of a life at all. So Nathan has done great in school (honor roll student) but at home he has just been getting by. A couple of years ago though his behavior at home started to take a turn for the worst. The past couple of years have been a struggle and have led to this point where I am now waiting for his next dr's appointment to discuss meds.
I had never entirely ruled out meds. I just knew that he was too young when he was diagnosed and promised myself that as long as he was tolerable and I could handle it then there was no reason to put him on meds. So after realizing a few things, I have made the decision to try it. You see, I didn't want to put him on meds because I have seen too many children altered by medication from ADHD. They become withdrawn and lose their personality and their livelihood. I didn't want my son to miss out on his childhood or wonderful times because of medication. As it turns out, he missed out things because he wasn't on medication. All the things he has had to miss because he was punished from acting up wildly. All the things that I couldn't allow him to do because of my fear of his behavior. Every day has become a battle now and I don't want him to look back on his childhood and remember always being yelled at or always being punished. My son deserves to have his life back.
My hope is that Nathan will still be Nathan. He has a lively personalityand he is full of energy. He loves to laugh and joke. He loves to be silly and his creativity surpasses mine, hands down. He is a wonderful child and I want the rest of the world to see that about him too. So on August 21st, we will be heading to the doctor's office to discuss our options. I am ready to begin this journey with him, hand in hand. I am prepared for trial and error. I know that we might have to change medications or play with doses and I am will try to remain objective to the situation. Most importantly, I will communicate with the doctor what my concerns are and what my requests are. So wish me well on this upcoming appointment because I am hoping it will enhance our life as a family and enhance his life as a great kid.

CJ Starts Pre-School

Today was CJ's first day of pre-school. He was really happy the whole way there and when we drove up, he said.."mama, not miss gina's?" and I responded to him "no, not miss gina's, you are starting a big boy school today". He just laughed and said "big boy school!" He is talking so much more now. So we got out of the car and into the school and the first things he was told to do was hand over his pacifier and his sippy cup to me, which he did without hesitation. He ran over to play with the kids and the toys while I stayed to fill out some necessary paperwork. When I went to say good-bye to him though, he started to cry and reach out for me. I have to say that I have done this twice before with Nathan and Larissa. I am far from the new mom who doesn't know what can happen or that everything will be fine but it broke my heart. It just doesn't get an easier just because you have gone through it before. Jose will be the one picking him up tonight so I will be calling after naptime to see how his day was just because I want to know more than what they will put on his daily sheet or what Jose will remember to tell me. I love my baby but he can be forgetful at times. :o)
So I just wanted to share that little piece of news with you all and I will let you know when I know more. Til later....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...so I know that this is going to be really blunt but all of you know me really well so I am just going to come out and say it. Larissa finally got her period ! I am not going to sugar coat it and say that aunt flo is in town or her friend is visiting or all those other weird anologies that people use. It is what it is...lol. I was actually getting worried and was going to talk to the dr about it on the 21st when they have their appointments but now I don't have to...thank goodness. Wow, my little girl isn't so little anymore.

Our Newest Additions

We have two new additions to my family...lol. One of the mommies in the mommie group that I belong to had a dwarf hampster that had seven babies and they were ready to give away yesterday so I took two of them. I know that you think that I am crazy but I love animals. We already had the cage from Larissa's hampster that we had brought down, we had a huge bag of shavings for the cage and a huge box of food too so it litterally cost me nothing at all for them. They are so darn cute. They are only 23 days old and the mother already had another litter of nine...crazy! So Jose thinks that I am crazy too but the kids had such a great time with them last night. They are the size of Larissa's thumbs...so tiny. They won't get too big because they are dwarf anyways. We named them Rosie and Peanut. Larissa got to name one (rosie) and Nathan named the other (peanut). CJ just calls them babies. He says that he wants to hold the babies and he is so careful too. I can't wait to take pics and share them with you.

Re-Visiting My 2009 To-Do List

A little more than half the year has passed and now it's time to re-visit my list and see what I have done and what I still need to do and what I can do !

* work on me...well I have been putting on make-up almost every day, I wear heels every day to work and I put on my earrings but appearance wise, that is it. My hair is just a disaster, I am so bored with it. I do have the name of a place though that I will be checking out soon and hopefully she can do something with my limp mop. I have been making time for me ! Although I haven't read lately because of life being a bit hectic, I did get a lot of reading during the first half of the year and I go to my scrapbooking club once a month so that is just for me. I honestly could do better but I think that I am doing good so far.

*get my nails done....yeah ! Got them done a little before my birthday and still have them on. They make me feel a bit more polished.

*spend more time outdoors with the kids....well, ok, I have failed at this. I am so NOT an outdoors person...lol. I have gone to the pool with the kids a couple of times, I have gone to the park with CJ a couple of times and we have gone to Lazy5Ranch a couple of times...does Lazy5Ranch count? Well, it's outdoors..lol. Now I know where my kids get it from. :o) I am going to attempt to enjoy the outdoors a little more for the remainder of the year though.

*visit RI (at least twice)...another yeah ! And one more trip to go, so it will be three !

*go back to school...I have not done it and I won't be doing it this year. The last semester starts August 18th and there isn't time or money for me to sign up now so I am going to register in December for classes starting in January. At least I will be enrolled by the end of 2009. That has to count for something.

*being more consistant with the kids.....fail ! This is my biggest problem. I am not giving up though, I still have 5 months to prove to myself that I can do it.

*get a bed....yeah ! In February we got a really nice king size bed from Ikea...best money we have spent !

*get a dining room set...yeah ! Most of you saw my before and after of my beautiful FIND.

*one date night a month...yeah ! I actually think that we have had more than one a month, can you actually believe that?! Dates nights really allow us to just get out of the house and just be a couple. This was the best idea.

*get in touch with my brother, Tiago....not yet! I am still working on finding a way to get his address or phone number but I still have time.

Wish List: I also added on the bottom that I was putting on my wish list for Jose to get a job in his field. He has been at his new job three months now and he loves it. The company is great, the people are great and he loves what he does !

So, all in all, it doesn't look that bad. At least half is done and I still have time to get working on the other half. Overall, it looks pretty good. It is nice to go back through the list and actually see that things are done and remind myself of the things that I still need to work on. Don't forget to go back and revisit your lists if you have any. Talk to you guys tomorrow !

The Kids Are Back

So the kids are back from RI. They have been back for a week now and are already driving me crazy. I guess that I knew it would happen. I missed them so much while they were gone. I knew this whole experience would be trial and error but I feel like it wasn't such a great idea. Well you live and you learn. I am so happy that they got to spend so much time with family and friends, I try to be considerate of the fact that they have family and friends there but it was too random for me to deal with. I like to know where my babies are and what they are doing and I want to be able to protect them from all harm...I can't do that from 900 miles away !

So they are back and my house feels cozy once again. Kind of like a zoo, but cozy. The rooms are messy, the laundry is piled up, the dishes are in the sink but at the end of the night when I lay down to go to sleep, I know that the little ones are home safely tucked in their beds !

My Godparents Are Together Again....Finally.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that my god-parents are two of the most influential people in my life. They are exceptional, and they are forever and always in my heart. Most people never even knew their names because I always referred to them as my godfather and my godmother. That was more important than their names to me. I called them Pa Henry and Ma Mary but their real names were Henrique Paul Lourenco and Mary C Lourenco. They were reunited in heaven the end of last year, but sadly I don't know that date.
My godfather passed away when I was in high school. His death was one of the most emotional times of my life. He was amazing but he was suffering so much and even at that young age, I knew that it was better that he was no longer suffering. I have a strong faith in God, always have. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I snuck down to the basement to "his" room and just sat there crying and talking to God. I told him that I was sorry that I had been begging for him to live longer just because I wasn't ready to lose him. I told him that if he was suffering that I would understand if it was his time to go and be without pain once again. Almost instantly, the nurse came down to say that he had passed. As a teen, I thought it was my doing, that it was because of my talk with God that he had passed. I don't know that it wasn't. Maybe God was waiting for me to be able to handle his loss. Maybe he just needed to be let go. But I truly understood his death but his loss still stays in my heart to this day. I know that he is looking down at me and so proud of the person that I have become. He is my guardian angel.

My godmother out lived him. She was very peppy and energetic and was always ready to go out. She put her hair up in rollers each night and always had her nails done. She always liked to look nice. That is until she was place in a nursing home. I had heard her say many times that is the last place she wanted to be and it killed me to see her there. It wasn't long after being put there that she started losing her mind. They say that it was either Alzeimers or Dimensia but honestly, in my heart, I think she just gave up. I think that it hurt her so much to be there that she just didn't want to remember. The life that she loved and lived each day had been taken away from her and being there was just sad to her. She always said that God would punish those that put her there and truly that has come true. That is another story all together though.

On my last trip to RI, I called the nursing home to make sure that they would allow me in since I was running so late and wouldn't arrive until well after 8 which is their visiting hours. I could tell by the nurse's reaction that something was wrong. I thought maybe she wasn't there but had to be taken to the hospitol or something. I had no idea that it was worst. She told me that she had passed last year. She thought it was November but it could have been early December. She knew for sure that it was before Christmas because they all missed her for the holiday. My godmother was loved by all that knew her....even in her last days. I had to pull over on the side of the road to stop from creating an accident. My godmother had passed away almost nine months ago and nobody bothered to contact me or my mother to let us know. The emotions were and are overwhelming. The love I still have to this day for my godparents is more than I could ever explain. I did make it to the cemetary with some very dear friends. I took flowers for both my godparents and pictures to bring back with me since I can't just run to the cemetary to see them. I said my final goodbye to my godmother that I was not allowed to do personally.

I now smile because I know that my godfather and my godmother are together at last again. I know that they are holding each other and dancing and laughing. They are the way they should be...together and looking over me and my family.

Getting Back On Track

So I have this habit of going back and reading and re-reading what I write. It helps me to understand myself better. I got really emotional at my last writing and I imagine that I will for years to come if not always. Mom is still in Portugal as most of you know. She has actually showed me just how miserable she was here with me. She is taking care of herself again, she has stopped wearing black and she has become social once again. I will still address that situation when she returns but I have a much clearer head now that I have had much time to think about the situation and what it means for all of us.

I don't have time now to catch you all up on what has been going on but I will be writing each day again, with the exception of the weekends because that is my family time. I miss writing and it gives me an outlet to let all my anger, stress, happiness, joy and just any feeling that I might be keeping inside. I also need to revisit my to do list for 2009 and see how it is going. So my dear friends....I am up and writing again.

My Mother

What do you do when you realize that your mother has changed and that you can no longer deal with whom she has become.

Anyone who know the relationship between my mother and I know that we have had some pretty bumpy roads and that the mind games with her never really stop. As an adult I have learned how to deal with my mother and I have learned to accept that her games and her actions are just part of who she is, or are they. I never thought that it was ever more than just mind games and manipulations...damn that must sound pretty bad already. There is something different about writing things that just makes you think of them differently. My three amazing children have watched my mother get worst over the past couple of years. Larissa has a typical teen attitude of WHATEVER and that has really helped her from being effected by my mom, or at least I hope that it has. I might have to revisit this thought once I can get the rest of my thoughts together. CJ is just too little to know how to deal with it and honestly she doesn't treat him the same way because he is the baby, at least for now. Nathan is my emotional child. It now appears to me that she feeds on him knowing that he will not just say whatever, he will become angry and sad and somehow this is defeat to her.

I love my mother. It is my love for her that has allowed me to overlook this for so long. I was thinking of her as the mother who risked everything to bring me to this country. The mother that worked her butt off to make sure that I had all that I needed and even some of what I wanted. The mother that had no life because I was her life. But this is not about me anymore. I have tried to make the best of the situation between my mother and Nathan. I have tried talking to her, I have tried to tell him to stay away from her and I have tried seperating them. It is hopeless and pointless because the games go beyond things that I can control. I have always heard that there is that breaking point. The one thing that happens that just opens your eyes to what is really happening. Last night was that moment for me.

Nathan had Karate last night and could not find his belt. I have reason to believe that my mother has taken Nathan's karate belt and hidden it. She will not admit it and I can't prove it but I know that the truth will come out eventually because it always does. Nathan was upset beyond belief at his missing yellow belt and really did not want to go to karate. Once again I was a bit torn at the thought that it could have been Nathan who misplaced it and here I am taking it out on my mother. So I went to her room, where she was locked away, and asked her if she had seen Nathan's belt. She turned to me and said that is serves him right because he never puts it away. She didn't really answer my question and she never even got out of her room to help look for it. Everyone else in the house was looking and it was nowhere to be found. Totally frustrated at the situation and realizing that there is a HUGE possibility that it was yet another attempt at my mother breaking Nathan down, her way of punishing him for something. I said let's go and headed off to karate class with Nathan crying the whole way. I left him in the car with Dalissa and Mani and went in to talk to Sensei. This was the first time that I would have to admit the hatred that my mother has for my son, not only to myself, but also to another person. I explained what I thought had happened, what Nathan goes through on a daily basis and why he was in the car crying. Sensei told me that I had to keep bringing him to karate because the child needs to vent his anger and frustration out in class with all that he must have vented up in him. I got Nathan out of the car and Sensei gave him a belt to use (which he never does) and took him aside and talked to him. One of the women in Karate that I talk to often saw me visually upset and asked what was going on. I explained to her the basics and her reaction floored me. She simply said to me..."Would you allow anyone else to verbally and mentally abuse your son in that way? He is going to hate you for allowing her to continue to do this and you not stepping in to stop him. He is your son, your birthed him, it is your responsibility to protect him from harm." I had to fight back the tears as an almost stranger was telling me something that I had not even realized. If this had been anyone else, I would not have tolerated it. If this was Jose talking to him like that I have to admit that I would have left and never looked back. I had always dismissed her behavior and her actions as "just her" when it was verbal and mental abuse. How could I have allowed anyone to treat my son like that. How could I have allowed the fact that she is my mother to cloud my vision as to what was really happening. That is not the end though, there is more. We took the boys to walmart to get a soccar ball and my godson tells me that he heard her say to Nathan that he doesn't deserve to have a life. I changed the subject quickly to stop from needing to explain, I guess that I have gotten too good at that lately. I realize that there is so much that I don't want to accept and so much that happens that I don't know about because he is sick and tired of telling me and me doing nothing about it. Things that I will probably never know about. I need to put and end to this and I need to open my eyes to the reality around me.

It is my mother, my mom. I don't want to hurt her but she is hurting my son and I need to protect him. She is leaving a week from today and I guess that I am a bit of a coward because I am choosing not to address any of this before she leaves. I will admit that I am scared of losing my mother as I have in the past to our disagreements but I am more scared to have my son hate me because what I have already allowed to happen. I am going to use the time she is away to allow my son to heal and to help him fix what has been broken in him. I picked up and moved from RI to NC to give my kids a better life and I intend to make sure that is what they get. I am going to speak to my brother about keeping her in Portugal until Larissa's 15th. She really wants to be here for her 15th. When she returns though she will be faced with a choice. If she chooses to continue to live in NC then I would be glad to help her look for an apartment to live in. If she choosed to move back to RI then I will help her with that move and if she chooses to go back to Portugal then I will accept that as well. I am asking all of my family and friends for strength and guidance during this really difficult time for me right now. The emotions are overwhelming. The guilt is strong and alive even though I know that I was only doing what I thought was best. Each time my son came to me hurt about something his grandmother said to him, I simply told him that he would need to get over it because that was his grandmother and there wasn't anything that I could do to change her. I allowed it, I enabled it, I didn't even see it happening. So if anyone has any advice, anything that they want to add, I am open to it all. I need your help.

My week

I did not plan to take this long in between posts but sometimes life gets the best of you. Let me catch you all up on what has been going on.

Nathan's karate tournament was cancelled on Saturday. He was so disappointed, poor thing. The coach backed them out of it because he said that none of the kids but Nathan was ready. This would have been his first so he is upset and the next one is not until March. He did get moved from the 6pm class which is for 4-10 year olds to the 7pm class which is for 11 and up kids for his hard work and dedication. I don't think that he has ever missed a class. Each Tuesday and Thursday he is already and dressed when I get home from work. This is a wonderful thing for him.

Larissa got accepted in Narroway Production, which is the local theatre production. She had her first rehearsal on Saturday from 3:30-8pm. She came home really excited about it and I can't wait to actually see her in it. Is a Christian Musical called "The Gospel According to Tennessee". She is super excited about it.

CJ has been having his play therapy. It seems to really be working and I had my doubts. He can sign Please, More and I did it. He also says Please now. Not very clearly but he says it and he tries to say it. I really like the therpist and I can't wait to continue to see his progress. He will also have his speach therapy too but they are having a hard time finding a slot that is open.

I finally booked my mother's ticket to Portugal yesterday for her. She is leaving February 25th. I am so excited for her. It has been a long time since she has seen the family and I am glad that she is able to make this trip. I am praying that all goes well with her retirement paperwork. She is in good hands there though so I am not worried. I am also looking forward to spending some time alone with my family getting us back on track too.

I am also super excited about my best friend's visit on Friday. I can't beleive that it is this Friday. This is some much needed best friend bonding time. I know it is going to be an incredible week for us.

Jose and I had our second date night on Saturday night. The burlesque show was really good. I actually enjoyed it more than he did. He wasn't feeling well at all but he stuck it out for me because he didn't want to ruin the evening. It was a good time. I took pics and will post them when I get a chance. Didn't get any of us this time since we were running late but I took a bunch of the show. He was a bit floored because he didn't know what Burlesque was.....lol. We had a blast though.

Ok...so I think that is all for now. I think that I have caught you all up on what has been happening with my crazy family. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Happenings of this Weekend

Larissa had her Semi-Formal. She is getting way to grown. She did look beautiful though. I took lots of pics though, don't worry..lol. I still can't believe that she is in high school already. I really don't feel old enough to be going through this. She has a good bunch of friends too. Three of them got ready together and three mothers were there taking picture after picture. The girls were good sports about it too. Mayi...Larissa finally got to open your giftcards and I got to take her shopping right away. She bought a jacket and two shirts with the giftcards. I took pics of her with the jacket already but not the shirts yet.

Nathan made honor roll and he had his honor roll ceremony. He also made Artist of the Week twice and was given his certificates. He is doing so great in school here. I am hoping that when he starts middle school next year that he might get more involved in school activities. That is something that he has never really done. At least he has Karate though. The tournament is next weekend. I am going to try to record when he is sparing but I don't know if I will figure out how to download it on here...lol. Mayi, Nathan also got your presents and he loved them all.

CJ had his speech evaluation on Thursday and he will be having speech therapy once a week to see if they can help his speech along a bit. He is also having play therapy once a week. I got to meet, Nicki, his play therapist. She was really good with him and she let me know what to expect. She thinks that between the two each week that we shouldn't be surprised to hear his catch on quickly. I wasn't able to be there for the speech evaluation but Jose said that they were blowing bubbles and seeing if they could get CJ to say "more bubbles" and they got him to say "mo baba"...that is way more than has been saying so I am really optomistic.

Tuesday

I am sorry that I have not written a few days. I have been feeling under the weather lately to say the least. Sunday I spent in bed most of the day and Monday my head and throat bothered me and now I am congested and have a headache that won't quit. Add three children, a mother and bf to that and you have someone who is really exhausted.
Nathan has Karate tonight and then Jose and I are going to sit with Taylor's mom, Gina, about her watching CJ. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed that we can afford her somehow because I really don't have a back up plan at the moment. The kids started a new semester in school. Larissa got new classes...she has theatre this semester. Report Cards are supposed to come out tomorrow. The weather here is starting to warm back up to normal temps for this time of year after that ridiculous cold front that came through and brought us snow. I know that I am rambling but I am just trying to quickly catch you all up on anything that I might have missed. I guess you can call this unorganized blogging...lol.
Dalissa...can't wait for you to get here. Bianca...stop beating yourself up, there will be other times...hopefully soon. Mayi...start planning because you know that Bianca needs a push sometimes (lol). I miss you all so much but RI not so much. Well let me head back to work now...my pot pie is almost ready in the oven and then I have to eat...ttyl.