I am jealous of the families that live in one house most of their lives. A house that they have turned from a dwelling to a home of their own. A house changed piece by piece until it is exactly what they wanted. A house filled with memories. A house that feels like home to all who enter, but mostly to those who live in it.
I am tired of moving. I have said it before and I will continue to say it until I have my home…again. I don’t necessarily want to be in the same home forever, or maybe that wouldn’t be so bad since I have moved around enough for my lifetime. I would like a home that I can settle into for a good 6 years at least though. That is tough for me to say because everyone knows that I love NC and I miss it terribly. The home that I am looking for now is here in RI. It’s official, I have said it out loud.
This is where our circumstances have brought us. I trust that God has led us here because this is where we are meant to be for now. Don’t feel bad for me, it’s not a bad thing. Granted this is not what we had planned and I would never have guessed that we would be back here but we are. I have never regretted a decision and I won’t start now. There are many upside to being in RI, family and friends being the main thing. We come back with a different understanding about things though and different expectations of things. We are in a much better situation than we were in when we left RI. We have put ourselves in this better situation because we know better. We have a tremendous amount of support from our family and friends. The school system the kids are in is amazing…much to my surprise. We have great jobs that both enjoy. The only thing really missing is a home. I am confident that we will find our home with our next move in June. Yes, the thought of packing up and moving again makes me cringe…more than anyone could ever know. But the thought of a home gives me a warm and cozy feeling that I can’t wait to have.
I long for a home that CJ can remember growing up in. A home that we can paint the walls. I home that we can pull up carpets. A home where we can lay down flooring. A home that we can put up curtains. A home that we can paint cabinets. A home that feels like home. A house that we turn into a home, not only by the things that we put into it but love and memories that house will hold through time. My memories are scattered throughout homes right now and CJ just thinks that it’s normal to move from house to house. It has become sort of a joke with us as a family…a joke that I don’t find very funny by the way…lol.
As far as NC, well…that is something that will just have to be left for the future. How far into the future you ask? Well, let me think about this logically instead with emotion. Nathan will be starting high school next year and I know for sure that we cannot move until he graduates. Unfortunately that means that CJ will going into 5th grade which is not a good time for him to move either. So ideally the best time for us venture to move again would be in 2017. Larissa will be 23 and on her own (I hope), Nathan will be out of high school and CJ will be moving onto middle school. Wow! I don’t want to really think that far ahead. I don’t want my babies to be so grown. It makes me sad to think that my babies won’t be babies anymore and won’t need me. But that is a different post for a different day all together. NC will always be waiting there and so will all of the great friends that became our family there. I am sure that we will make many trips to visit and will hate leaving each time. It is a great feeling though to know that we have such a great place to visit and get away from our everyday lives.
I also don’t know where life will lead us. Six years is a long time away and a lot can happen during that time. Who knows where we will want to go or not go after that time. Who knows where we will consider home at that time. Maybe we will get so comfortable that we will want to stay here. I have an open mind.
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