For the first time in a long time, I feel good. I wouldn’t have said the same thing a couple of days ago. I left work on Friday sick as a dog. Spent Friday night and Saturday hugging a toilet with the 48 hour bug that I managed to get from my 5 year old. A few thoughts were running through my head while I was making the mad dashes from bed to bathroom those two days. Most importantly though, like most people, I resorted to prayer.
I started out by apologizing to God for having him absent in my life recently. I have always had such a strong faith and I still do but my communication with God has been lacking. Ok, the truth is that is has barely been there. There has been so much going on that I feel like it has taken all of my energy to really just keep my head above water…emotionally anyways. With the restriction of not being able to do anything, my mind and heart reached out for the one person I know is always there….God. Why has this journey been so hard? Why I can’t seem to get things in order? Why don’t things feel right? Why have I been sick since we got here? So many questions, so much doubt. That is it! Doubt! Why am I doubting what God is giving me? Why am I not trusting that this is all happening for a reason? So after those 24 hours of what seemed like the worst thing I have ever experienced, I realized it. God couldn’t help me because I wasn’t making room for Him in my life.
I know that some of you who might not share the same faith are thinking that I am totally nuts. Think what you may but let me just tell you. I went to bed tired, stressed and overwhelmed on Saturday night praying for God’s help and making room for Him in my life and I woke up Sunday morning a new woman. I was over the bug. I could keep food down finally. That wasn’t all though. I had this new found energy. This new found spring in my step. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like my old self again. I did my grocery shopping. I started all the decorations and fun stuff for Diana’s lunch on Sunday and really enjoyed myself. CJ helped me with a lot of it and I didn’t even get frustrated with him once. It was truly a miracle. I am back after months of struggling.
Last night before going to bed, I made sure to have my daily communication with God. I made sure to thank Him for everything wonderful in life, for giving me the strength that I was lacking. I talked to Him about my godparents and my mom and when I was done, I felt so much better and drifted off into a deep sleep. Again, I work up refreshed today ready to take on the world. Today is a good day!
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