The Start of a Brand New Week

So I know that some of you have been emailing me and calling me to ask about how things are going. Well, to be honest, today is a bad day. I have been trying to get my house back in order but I haven't had much luck. Or at least it doesn't feel like it anyways. I did move the playroom to the tv room like I wanted to do and that room is compeletely done, so it hasn't been a total waste of time...lol. I started on turning the old playroom into an office but haven't gone back to it. Jose and I put the two kids desks together but we haven't put the computers in there yet. Things just seem to be at a stand still.
CJ was home sick on Friday, he had strep. So since I was home with him, I took the opportunity to clean the fridge and clean the pantry. Little accomplishments give me such great joy...lol. Actually, I think that I have been burrying myself in the cleaning and organizing in hopes that my head will clear itself. In all this, the one room that I can't seem to tackle is my mother's room. I go in there, look around and the anger begins to build. The anger of how she left. The anger of the mess she left for me to clean. The anger of me allowing this to go on for so long. I know that time heals all wounds but I just never expected it to take so long. I feel like she is still effecting my life in a horrible way even though she is no longer here. Or am I just allowing her to have that hold on me. I am so confused and angry that although she is gone, this is not over yet. I think that in the long run this will be therapeutic for me to clean out her room. A sort of good-bye to the bad karma that she left behind. I might need to push myself to get there or maybe I just need to take my own time getting there.
I am really blessed to have so many wonderful people that care so much around me. I am sorry that I haven't been around much and been canceling on things. I really just need time to get through this. I guess I am not as ok as I would like to be but I know that I am on the right path. Poor Jose has had to endure my mood swings and cleaning sprees non-stop...lol. I have put him through so much already with this whole mess that I just want to actually start new with him, once and for all. So that we can be the family that we were meant to be.
So this is a new week and I am optomistic that it will be better than last and that the weeks will continue to get better. Thanks again for all of your support !