Something is going on with Nathan

This is Nathan. Nathan is somewhat shy but he is very loud and outgoing in comfortable and familiar souroundings. He loves anything to do with Art and loves animals. He has always loved school and has, for the most part, done very well in school. Despite the fact that he was diagnosed with ADHD when he a little over 3, he has not had any problems in school. According to the doctors, it is because he thrives with consistancy and routine. Also a reason that I have always had a problem with him at home. I have not been able to create that same consistancy and routine at home. It is never too late and I will never stop trying.

Well, I got an email from Nathan's English teacher yesterday letting me know that she is concerned about him. In her class and in his Math class, he has not been himself since December according to her. He is not turning in projects, not finishing classwork, not doing homework and not making anything up. As if that alone wasn't enough, she also added that he is not the same child that started there in Septemember, he is quiet and withdrawn where he had been the class clown and center of attention. Of course I scheduled a conference call with his teachers and actually got to speak to them the same day.

Basically the same thing was reworded to me that she had emailed me about him in English and in Math. What puzzled me was that in his Social Studies class and in his Science class he has been good. So I wanted to know if his behavior had changed in those classes as well. Quite the contrary though. Both his Social Studies teacher and his Science teacher confirmed that he is still himself, maybe just not as loud at time. He actually came home yesterday with a pink slip for acting up and being too loud..ironic huh? His Social Studies teacher did tell me that he is having a much harder time focusing on his work. He seems to start everything and finish nothing until she guides him back to where he needs to be. Some of the same info from his Science teacher.

So this got me thinking. I am clearly concerned because there is something going on with Nathan and I am not quite sure what it is. What could be the difference between his English and Math classes in comparison to his Social Studies and Science classes? Could there be a student or students picking on him? Could he be having so much more trouble in English and Math to the point that he is giving up? Could this be his ADHD catching up to him in classes that he can't handle? Could it be a lasting effect of the situation with my mother? Could it simply be the teachers? From knowing them personally throughout the year, I do know that his Social Studies and Science teachers are more nurturing and caring and are more likely to lead him by the hand, only emphasizing what his Social Studies teacher had told me herself about her redirecting him back. I decided to clear my head and talk to Nathan when I got home.

I asked Nathan to explain to me the differences in the classes as he sees them. It did come down to what I thought, at least part of it. He did mention that his Social Studies and Science teacher give consistant homework so he always understands what is expected of him. That they help him when he is confused. That they don't overwhelm him. His English and Math teachers are always giving him various things to do and he claims that he can't remember what and when things are due because it is so confusing. The classes are harder and the teachers don't like to explain when he doesn't understand. I tried to explain to him that he has been very lucky with teachers. Up until this year, he has had one main teacher and that teacher was always made aware of his ADHD and she would always make sure he was focused and redirected. With middle school, it's many teachers and with high school it will be the same. Not all teachers are going to go out of their way for you and some will expect you to fend for yourself. I told him that he doesn't have to like the teachers or the class but he does have to deal with it and pass the class. Not sure he liked me much after that statement but life must go on.

I guess I wasn't completely convinced that was the whole situation because I went on to ask him more questions. I asked him if he was being picked on in school and he began to cry and yelled "no". I told him that it was ok for him to tell me the truth and he just cried more and told me "nobody believes me". I am not sure who else has asked him this question or if he was just emotional but I did end up dropping the subject because it seemed to upset him a great deal.

No matter what is going on in this school, it will all change in four weeks when he switches schools which he is very excited about. This only raises more red flags since most kids are not excited to leave their friends and a school they are familiar with unless they are not happy or something is going on. So I still don't really know what is going on. I sat with him and did homework last night. He seemed to not know where to start or how to break things down. I fear that his ADHD really is overwhelming him. It would explain why he is doing good in Social Studies and Science. Those teachers are leading him by the hand and helping. I am not saying that all teachers should do this, I am actually thinking that I need to take extra steps to show Nathan how to try to focus on one thing at a time and get organized. I noticed he wasn't writing a lot of things down and this weekend we are going to buy a small homework notebook. He has an agenda but to my knowledge it is not always with him so that clearly isn't going to work.

I also know that the lasting effects of what happened with my mother will continue to be part of him. Just because she is gone doesn't mean that it's over. She has made him feel worthless and that doesn't just go away. It will take time to build him up again and make him realize that those words were not true. This will be a long road that we will need to travel with him. A road that we are more than willing to travel with him. He needs to know that he smart, creative, fun and a great well rounded kid. God will help me through this. :o)