Reviewing my 2010 To-Do List

Just like in past tradition, I must go over the past year. So here was my 2010 To-Do list along with what I actually got done, what I totally failed at and what landed somewhere in the middle of the two. I know this is a long email but please bear with me on this one. Is a big deal to me to see my accomplishments and failures throughout the year so that I can change things that I need or want for the following year. So here we go...

Me:

[ X ] I was not able to actually go back to school last year due to time and money. I am making it my number one priority this year. I am not trying to take on the world, I just want to at least do one class a semester to get going again. {Priority my ass, I totally failed at this AGAIN ! I had a lot going on this year with my mother, moving and the kids but that is all excuses. The bottom line is that I didn't do it !}

[ * ] I would like to get out and meet more of my neighbors. We have lived in this community for a year and a half now and I am ashamed to say that we barely know our neighbors. { Well I do know more our neighbors and have more of that community feeling but not in the same house...lol. That house was beautiful and huge but the neighborhood was snobby and snooty and we would never have made friends with our neighbors there !}

[ * ] I will continue to work on my life book. I don't want to call it an autobiography because that sounds so proffessional and I am far from a writer. I do want to have my life in thoughts on paper though for my kids and grandkids someday. {I did continue to work on it but not as much as I would have liked. I didn't mention how much though so I do consider this an accomplishment. It's all about baby steps.}

[ * ] I am currently working on not yelling so much. I have to admit that I unfortunately got that from my mother and tend to yell before I even talk. I am really trying. { I don't yell as much. I still yell. I still yell more than I want to but I have worked on it and there has been progress !}

[ X ] Since we are talking about my mother, I want to actually work on my relationship with her. There has been a lot that has happened these past couple of years and we could use some reflection on what we have. I know that I complain a whole lot about my mother but I truly do love her. { This was the biggest fail of them all ! My mother no longer speak anymore. I don't exist in her eyes. The relationship is gone and there is nothing to work on. }

[ * ] I would like to actually see the raises that I have not been getting in my job. I work my butt of and def deserve to recognized. But if for whatever reason, that does not happen soon, I might just be forced to look somewhere else. I want to be at a job that recognizes that work that I do. { My boss recoginzed my hard work and everything that I do and gave me a raise. Work has actualy been getting better...do I dare say that. I was really looking for another job but now I think that I might sit still for a while. That is good news to me because I really don't like bumping around from job to job. }

[ X ] I am also ashamed to admit that I never started the search to get back in touch with my brother Tiago. This will be another priority that I have this year. { Because of the horrible relationship, or lack of, with my mother, the relationship with my brother and sister have also faltered. My brother would have been the one to help me in my search and I don't feel as though I can ask him now. This will be something that I will have to put on hold until I can find someone else to help me accomplish this. }

[ X ] Volunteer work is another avenue that I want to pursue this year. I honestly don't know where I will have the time but it is something that I seriously want to do so I will have to make the time. {Another fail but something I feel that I need more this year than any other year. I not only want to do it myself but I also want to have my children participate with me doing it. Something in dealing with those less fortunate than us. I feel that there is a lesson that they have not learned yet about how much we have in comparison to others. }

[ X ] And lastly for my personal goals, I want to start putting my crafts out there to see if I can actually do something that I love as at least a side business. There is no time like the present. { Fail....ha ha ha. I barely worked on my crafts this year at all. Again, it really was due to everything else going on but that is just an excuse. }

Me & Jose:

[ X ] We will continue to have our monthly date nights. It has actually allowed us to get even closer, if you can believe that...lol. { Our monthly date nights went out the window when Larissa went to RI for the summer because we lost our sitter. When she came back I felt too guilty asking her. We do spend some nights together cuddled on the couch watching movies when the kids fall asleep but I feel that we need to get out of the house together too. This is something that I want to work on again this year. }

[ * ] We need to work better on budgeting to allow for saving and even a little more playing. We are at a point now that we should be able to put a little aside. Every little bit counts. { Due to our wonderful move, we now save more money. We also bought the Kia so that is more money going back out but we have learned to manage our money better and have a plan to put into action this year to save some money so this was an accomplishment to me. }

[ * ] We have been successfully organizing our meet-up group. Ok, so I am the one doing most of it but he is so great about standing behind me and helping me with everything. He is just as involved in it as I am, we even added a Guys Night Out that he does. I want to continue to do this throughout this year. { This was the biggest accomplishment of them all ! The group is great and some of the wonderful friends that we have made here were through the group. Here is to another great year !}

The Kids:

[ * ] Obviously I would like to spend more time with the kids but there are only so many hours in a day. I want to try to spend more QUALITY time with the kids. I have realized that although we might all be in the house, we are not really spending time together. I want to work on that for them and for me. { I really do feel as though my time with the children this year was more about Quality than quantity. I really enjoyed the time I had with them this year. I want this to carry over to the coming year too. }

[ X ] Night routines: God only knows that the weeknights are a nightmare. I get home from a long day at work and it is dinner, homework, baths, clean up, studying, and trying to find out how everyone's day went and what they need for the next day. I seem to be a little less organized at this point in my day. What? I can be disorganized sometimes you know. But I do want to work on this and make my night more productive than they currently are. { Night routines are so hard for me. I guess I should say bedtime routines, not night routines. I have a night routine...I come home, cook dinner, go over homework, we all eat together at the dinner table and then the night falls apart after that. So I guess maybe I should have worded this differently. }

[ X ] PTO...I was PTO president at Larissa's school in RI and very involved in Nathan's school PTO but for some reason, I have really slacked here. I want to try to get more involved. I don't really have the time for President or anything too time consuming like that but I do want to at least join and know what is going on.
{ Although this was a fail, I am not going to work on it this coming year. I do a lot of blog reading and Clover Lane is one of my favs. She is a stay at home mom who made me realize that we don't have to kill ourselves and do it all. Being part of the PTO is just not a priorty in my life right now. I can be active without being a part of something so big and taking time away from my family}

The home:

[ * ] Working on our bedroom is a must. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary but it just seems like a room with everything thrown in. I want to try to get it to the adult bedroom that both Jose and I really want. {I love our bedroom in the new house...with the exception of the damn weight bench in our room...and I feel that it is the retreat that I have always wanted. }

[ X ] If we renew our lease in May (the only way we won't renew is if they raise the rent), I want to paint the kitchen. I have been saying that since we moved in and it has yet to be done. { As you all know, we didn't renew our lease and we moved so this was not a task that I was able to accomplish !}

[ X ] Cleaning the garage and organizing it will be my spring project for this year. Tons of unused space just going to waste. {same answer as the above..we moved, no accomplishable !}

Family:

[ * ] Game Night is back on and hopefully will be all year long ! {We have not kept it up all year long but we have done it often. Looking forward to more of it this coming year. }

[ * ] I have already started this but I need to cook healthier not only for Jose and I, but also for the kids. More veggies, less junk and leaner meats. We can do it together. { We do cook healthier but we still need to work on the veggies part. I have def eaten more veggies this year but getting the fam to do it is a whole other story !}

[ X ] I want to get more exercise as a family. Spend more time outdoors. That was a goal last year and I think that we failed pretty badly at that. We all know how I get in the heat. I think that I went in hybernation when the really hot weather came. { We are not an outdoor family. We hate being outdoors and everything that comes with it so I am just going to leave well enough alone and continue to enjoy our time together...indoors !}

So that was it...not too painful I hope. This will allow me to meditate on what I want the new year to bring. I have some thinking to do now.

My Computer Hates Me Today !

I have to apologize to those of you who got repeated empty posts labelled "I'm bored!". I really am trying to write this and each time I hit tab, it posts the title. Must be some malfunction going on with this computer...figures !

Oh well, here it goes once again. I wanted to the title of this Post to be "I'm Bored!".

That is what I have heard since Christmas night. Nothing like hearing those words to make you realize that you either picked all the wrong things for Christmas or our kids in todays world don't know how to amuse themselves. Seriously, it gets old. I always knew that I would say it but....

Back when I was a kids we didn't have 900+ channels to surf. We had 6, 10, 12, 36 & 64...that was it. We looked forward to cartoons on Saturday morning because that was pretty much all there was on.
Video games were atari and you were damn lucky if you had one. I never had one. I did finally get the first Ninento with Duck Hunt and Mario Bros but that was when it was really cheap because everyone else had moved onto the next big system.
Cell phones...lmao ! I got my first house phone when I was in high school. We couldn't afford to have a house phone and it was my Christmas gift the year I entered high school. I no longer had to walk to my aunts to use the phone anymore. What a great moment that was.
Going out to eat all the time ? Fridays I would take the city bus downtown to meet my mother after work and we would walk to People's Bank to cash her check and then we would walk to Burger King for a Fish Sandwich Meal. It was what I looked forward to all week long. And then we would take the bus home together. We didn't have a car !

What is wrong with kids today. Everything they have is not enough. They don't know how to be happy with all that they have. They don't know how to appreciate the things that they have and they have no imagination at all. I ended up playing cards with five kids last night and that they loved. A .99 pack of cards kept them busy when all their new toys sit under the tree. God help me, I sound like my mother.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a minute in the wee hours of the morning to wish everyone in blogland a very Merry Christmas. I couldn't sleep last night so I am up and on my second cup of coffee waiting for everyone to wake up. It is nice to have the house all to myself. Everything is perfect too. The presents are all wrapped and under the tree, well not really under the tree, more like around the tree because there are so many. Surprisingly, we didn't spend a lot this year at all. Thanks to my bonus at work, we could have but we decided against it because well....we just don't need it. So instead of going into the new year broke, we might have a tiny bit in the bank. I like the thought of that.

Hope that you and yours have an amazing Christmas filled with laughter and love.

Amazing Kids !

I am pretty lucky as far as this season goes and as far as being a mother with great children. I am almost done wrapping all of my presents but in doing so, I realized something. My kids are beyond amazing. My kids didn't ask for much at all. I mean seriously.

Larissa is 16 and what did she ask for? She asked for a new straightener. Not one of those $100+ straighteners either but a $17 one from Walgreens. It happens to be the one that she prefers after using the more expensive ones from her friends. And she asked for hair bows, make-up and paint & brushes. That's it !


Nathan is 12, he will be 13 in April and what did he ask for? He asked for Gir clothes, a sticker for his skateboard and a membership to an online game that is $20. Again, that's it. Nothing else. I made the two oldest write letters to Santa with CJ and that was what Nathan wrote with a note at the bottom saying "and anything else that you want to surprise me with". That's it ! (NAthan doesn't smile unless I tickle him for pics...lol)


CJ is 4. The world is at his fingertips and toy commercials are everywhere. What did he ask for? He asked for a car and a wagon. That is it !


I know that Christmas is not about the gifts or the money but kids don't usually get it. They want what they want and that is it. I am so proud of my kids for not being materialistic. Yesterday Nathan and Larissa's father sent them a box for Christmas. Don't fall over, yes, he actually sent something for the first time....EVER. He got Larissa a kindle from his job and sent Nathan $40. He got the kindle for $40 from his job so it really is equal. So I was talking to Nathan about what he was going to spend the money on and he couldn't come with anything. Do you know what he said...."BACON". It's no secret that Nathan loves bacon but seriously! A 12 year old can't find anything better to spend his money on. We talked for a while and there really was nothing that he wants. He told me he has everything he needs. It took everything in my power not to cry. And Larissa was happy with her kindle but she would have been just as happy with anything. She actually said that she could have just gotten money like Nathan so that she could buy more make-up and hair accessories. The kindle is great but now she has to buy books for it. What are the odds she can hand over the kindle to me...wink, wink, wink...lol. And lastly, CJ sees all the advertisements and doesn't get sucked into them all at the age of 4. Maybe he is following the example of his incredible brother and sister.

So I don't even know where to begin with being thankful and grateful for my wonderful children that don't require a lot or ask for a lot. The kids that they have turned into make me the proudest mother of all time. I love you guys.

My Mother

So sometimes I get people that don't know me ask about my mom or my family in general. I tell them a condensed version and they apologize. Other times I get people who do know me ask about my mom. They ask if I have talked to her at all and when I say "no", they apologize. People always feel the need to apologize. I have always had the same response though. I don't want anyone to feel bad. I am really ok with what has happened. At least I thought I was ok until this weekend.
Truthfully, I know that I am ok but I had a bump in the road this weekend that sort of knocked me off my feet. For some reason I was thinking of the day she left. The day she actually packed up all her stuff and walked out the door. The day she walked away and never looked back. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She never looked back. She doesn't even acknowledge me. Wow! Don't get me wrong, I am not surprised. I actually knew it would be like this but maybe deep down inside, I hoped it wouldn't be. I don't want a relationship with my mother right now, not sure if I ever will because she has hurt me too much and my children too much but it kills me that she is acting as if I don't exist...as if I never existed. After everything. After risking it all to come to this country with me to keep me safe. After bringing me here to prevent my father from taking me from her. After taking care of me and then me taking care of her. After years of it just being her and I....she just walks away. Simple. Easy. Done.
I am not sure which emotion is the strongest in me now. I think that pissed certainly stands out the most. Right now the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that she is acting as though I did something wrong. It's not just that she is ignoring me but she is excluding me....not just from her life but from my brother and my sisters too.
Since she left for Portugal, things have not been the same between me and my brother and my sister. My brother tries hard to convince me that it's not anything that she says. On the kids birthdays I get emails from him a day or two later telling me how sorry he is that he didn't call but he got tied up at work. Like he doesn't have a wife and children that can call to say Happy Birthday. My sister never called so that doesn't surprise me as much but since she has been staying with her, I am sure she is the one getting more than an earful about me and all that I did wrong in her eyes. The deal with my brother has really gotten to me though. After insisting that nothing would change between us, it has. Not only have the calls stopped but so have the cards. Each year they would send the kids a card on their birthdays and mine too and I haven't seen one this year at all. So I know and it hurts. It hurts that my own mother is doing this to me. It hurts that she was able to walk away and not look back as if I intentionally hurt her. I did everything I could for things not to end up the way they did. I am not sure if it's because of the holidays or just a timing issue but it hurts more than I really want it to. She doesn't deserve to get this emotion from me. I don't want her to make me feel this way. I have actually managed to surpress it this whole time and it just sort of snuck up on me now. I know this is a temporary thing and it too will pass but right now, it's a lingering feeling that I wish I wasn't feeling.

Another Busy Weekend Planned

So this weekend appears to be much like the past couple of weekends. Thankfully, as full as my weekends have been, they have been full with friends and joy. Tomorrow I am only working a half day...can I get an AMEN !
Tomorrow I will be heading out of work at noon and then doing a little bit of shopping by myself in the afternoon. Then I am meeting Dawn and we are going to hang out together for a bit and have a few drinks and then we are heading to Cassie's for Ladies Night. I can't tell you how much I look forward to Ladies Nights but I do wish more of my girls were going to be there. The holidays are a tough time to get everyone together though.
Saturday will start with a trip to Lowe's Build & Grow workshop with CJ to make the final part of his train. Then it will probably continue with some much needed alone time with Jose...SHOPPING. Yes, I know, that is not my idea of quality time. If it were my choice I would be doing anything but shopping but Jose will keep me grounded as I start getting claustrophobic and aggrivated with the shopping. I am sure that we will need to stop for lunch and that will make the whole thing worth it. You see...this is the first year that I am SO far behind in my shopping. We are basically going to do all our shopping in one day. For someone who doesn't like to shop...this is going to be insane. But we will get through it together. The evening will end with a gathering at Jill & John's for poker for the guys and some more girl time for the ladies (the kids will be there too but they will be playing together).
Then Sunday I have to take the kids to the dollar store so they can get some little things for each other. And the rest of Sunday will be spent wrapping. I will need strength from God to get me through the wrapping so I think that it is only approriate that I am doing it on Sunday...lol. I think that I need to plan to cook a roast first thing in the morning so that we can have something to pick on all day long. I love the smell of a roast cooking in the oven on a Sunday. It is such a great homey feeling to me.

So that's it. That is what my weekend has in store for me. That is what I have to look forward to. I guess I am a pretty lucky lady. I hope that you all have a weekend filled with as much fun too !

My Amazing Kids

In the craziness of this holiday season, I want to take some time to share with you all what has been going on with my kiddos. After all, they are what keeps my world spinning...sometimes out of control...lol.

Last week I got a call at work from Nathan asking me where we keep the vaccuum. From the question alone, you can tell that it's not something he uses on a regular basis. Then he called back to ask where our lint roller is. Another strange question. So I asked him why he needed these things and he told me that I would see when I got home. Of course my first thought was that he was cleaning and then knowing my son, as I thought I did, I started to think of other things. Did he make a mess that he was cleaning before we got home? Was it something for his Science class? Turns out that he really was cleaning. He has vaccuumed all the rugs, swept all the floors, made all the beds, cleaned all the tables and was looking for the lint roller to pass over my bedspread because it is brown and you could see the cat hair on it. Not even I do that...lol. I just simply put it in the washer. He totally surprised me. He didn't do it because I asked him. He didn't do it because he wanted something. He just did it to surprise me. Surprised I was and for a moment I knew that I must be doing something right in raising him.
On another note, I have been struggling with Nathan and his grades this year. That is probably putting it mildly. I feel like we are both swimming upstream trying to get him to where he should be. There have been several visits to the school and hours spent making sure all his work is done and tests are studied for. Somehow it's just not enough though. The work is being done but there's more to it that I don't know about or the worst thing of all...he isn't handing things in. I know that many of us have struggled with this same issue. I went through it with Larissa too but not to this extent. I just don't understand. You did the work, why wouldn't you want to get the credit for it. I even have a school counselor working with him to see if it's something more than I can see myself. But he is a great kid and tolerates all my nagging and brilliant new ideas to try to help him.

Larissa had her play this past weekend. The name of it was "Thank you for flusing my head in the toilet"...yes, I am serious. The play was moving. I had heard so much about it through Larissa. I knew many of lines but the performance was just...it brought chills to my body. Not just her performance (of course I thought she was wonderful) but everyone's performance. The play is about bullying and it sends a very blunt and clear message about the things going on in schools that other students, teachers and even parents tend to miss. They have been asked to perform this play in other high schools in our county to pass the message along. I am going to ask the theatre teacher if there is a possibility to have it recorded so that I can share it with you all but I don't know if it's possible. I was so proud of the kids....all of them. But I am especially proud of Larissa. She has really enjoyed every aspect of theatre. She is not in it to simply act but learn all there is about putting on a production. If you remember when she was part of Beauty & the Beast last year, she did lighting, ushering and became familiar with the directing. She has already been told that she will not be acting in the Spring musical, which I know must be somewhat disappointing since she can sing...really well. But that is to give all the kids a chance to act in the productions. She didn't seem disappointed though. She seemed excited to be able to get her hands in behind the scenes once again. She was already talking about the lighting and the sets for the stage and how they can get companies to volunteer things they need. She is really good at putting it all together...I might have a director on my hands !

CJ went for speach testing yesterday. Not because he needed to but because we wanted to have him tested before Kindergarten with enough time to work on things that might need to be worked on with enough time. I expected to hear that he was behind a little. I mean he just started talking last year. I didn't go with him because I was working but Jose took him. Turns out that he passed with flying colors. He is in the 88th percentile. That was awesome to hear. He has come such a long way. I thought he would never talk. I thought it would be an uphill battle but once he started, he just kept going. Like his two older siblings, he thrives to learn everything. He is way too indepenedent and wants to do it all himself. I guess that will make him a great independent adult some day. :o)

So in the midst of all the holiday hustle and bustle...it something nice to just have a proud moment for all three of my children. And a proud moment for Jose and I for how they are turning out. Sometimes it is so easy to really get caught up in the bad moments and the hard times but we really do have so much to be thankful for.