Are you happy with what you have?

One of the things that I am trying hard to work on this year is to be happy with what I have. I can't believe how much harder this is than I thought. I mean, it's easy to say and the concept is simple but society has brought us up differently.

The grass is always greener on the other side ! Or is it? I mean it's all about perspective. The grass might seem greener but can you see the entire lawn? Can you see the hours of work that it takes to keep it green? Can you imagine the amout of money that it takes to keep it green? If it is indeed greener, than maybe it's because of what that person is doing to it to make it greener. Maybe if you put as much time and money into your grass, it could be just as green. Wow ! That was a lot of writing about nothing...lol. But it's really not nothing. Here is my point.

We had the bigger house. A really large house in my opinion. It was beautiful and grande when we saw it. It was like nothing we could afford back in RI. We lived in that house for two years. For two years I continued to buy furniture and curtains and accessories to try to make the house feel like a home and it just didn't. It was just too much room to fill and it just felt too cold. For two years we paid to heat and cool that LARGE house. So the bills were a bit LARGE too...obviously ! Now we find ourselves in a much smaller house. Maybe it was too big of a jump but it does seem to soot us fine. But I find myself wishing for a garage again, for a second bathroom, for a spare room. I find myself missing my big walk in closet and gigantic bathroom. I don't miss cleaning that house though...lol. So knowing what I know now, why do I do this to myself? I do it because I look around me and it's all I see. I see people getting rid of what they have to get something bigger, something better, something more expensive. Houses, cars, tv, game systems, phones, toys...you name it, there is something bigger and better that we strive for. People even change spouses for something they think is better, younger, wealthier only to find out that it just a different set of problems. Why? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? We are in a disposable society. I know that I am not saying anything new. I am not saying anything that you haven't heard before. Why can't we spend more time and energy on the things that matter most, like spending time with your family? Why can't we enjoy the simple things in life like playing board games and playing cards?

I want to stop and enjoy these things. I want to spend more time with my kids while they still want to spend time with me. I want to fingerpaint and fly kites and play catch outside. I want to try to work with what I have first before going out and buying something new. I want to try to settle with what have and take pride in that instead of looking for something more.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday. What is there really to say? I mean, I wish her the very best whatever she is doing. I hope that she is happy because that is all that I have ever wanted for her. I am not going to call her, actually I don't even have her number. I sent her an ecard to my brother's email address from the kids...her grandkids.

I am tired of playing games with her. I am tired of trying to make things right when I am the only one trying. I pray that she has a wonderful birthday filled with everything that her heart desires. I pray that she is happy with the decision that she made walking out and never looking back. I pray for her happiness which is more than I know she does for me. So before this topic goes in the wrong directions, let me just end it here. Sorry to disappoint you Rebecca...lol..but this will not end up being a long dragged out post about my mother. That time has come and gone. Instead I wish her the best and move on with my life.

Blogging for Books

It's official.
I did it.
I signed up for Blogging for Books.

I love to read. I don't read as much as I would like to but I do read a lot. So when I stumbled onto this new thing, how could I resist? Here's the deal...

You pick a book out of four or five preselected books (based on the kinds of books you told them you like to read). They send you in the book in 10-14 days, at no cost to you at all. You get the book. You read the book. You write your thoughts about the book in your blog. That's it. How simple is that?! So I signed up and ordered my first book. It should be here in less than 2 weeks. I will keep you all posted on when it comes in and how this whole thing works. I am super excited though.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kindle and my super fast ebooks. From what I read on the site, they are considering doing ebooks at some point so then it would be even easier. As for now, I will have to learn some patience and just sit and wait for my book. It won't be that hard considering I am reading one on my kindle right now. Come to think of it, do I ever not have a book that I am reading?

So if you don't follow my blog please do and if you know anyone who follows blogs, pass on the info.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

2011 - The Year of Relationships

So I have thought long and hard about what I want to do and what I want to change this year. From all the blogs that I read and follow, I have stumbled upon a simple yet complex resolution that is so easy to remember because its only one word. That's it. It's that simple. It's just one word. You pick one word that incorportates the main thing you want the year to be about. One reader even printed down the word and framed it as a constant reminder.

When I first started to think about this one word resolution, i couldn't decide on one word that really did it for me. My first thought was PEACE. I mean seriously with three kids, that is one thing that I I don't get a lot of but the more I thougt about it, the less it actually meant anything to me. I imagined the house with peace. I imagined my house with no yelling, no arguing, no debating, no confrentation...just peace and quiet. Wait ! This is so NOT what I want. We will have that when the kids are grown and out of the house. I don't really want all that now. And yes, I do realize that I went the extreme with the word but I want the word to really embody me throughout the year.

I continued to think about words and how they would effect my life. I thought about the word "ME". Working on me would make everyone happier but I don't want the year to be about me. I thought about "SLOW DOWN" because honestly 2010 went by way to quickly. So many words crossed my mind. Then I thought about what I wanted and it came to me...."Relationships"!

I want 2011 to about "RELATIONSHIPS". I want to work on the realationships in my life with the people that I really care about. So here is what I had in mind:

* GOD...I want to first and foremost work on my relationship with GOD. I attempted to make my relationship stronger in 2010 but I have to admit that although my attempt was valid, I did not get to where I wanted to be.

* MYSELF...I want to work on the relationship with myself. Like each year, I sit and think about how much I have let myself go. I always look forward to dressing up more, doing something different to my hair...making my physical appearance better so that I can feel better about myself. But I also need to work on my inner self. The part that knows that I am worth it. The part that understands that even though I might not dress up all the time, that I am still beautiful. There are so many things that I just want to work on. I want to really think about what it is that I want to be when I grow up. What do I see myself doing and what do I need to do to get there. Where do I see myself in 5 years and then making a plan.

*JOSE...of course he is in here. Don't you all get in a tizzy. We do not have any major problems in our relationship but what relationship can't use some work and some spice. The truth is that I have watched many relationships come to an end this past year and it scares me that it can happen to anyone. It is never a bad idea to keep your relationship new and fresh and never take it for granted.

* MY KIDS...I want to work on the relationships with my kids. I have three kids and have a different relationship with each of them. They are different people and react to things differently.
* Larissa is 16 and her teen attitude sometimes makes my head spin. This results from both of us since we are so much alike. I want our mother/daughter relationship to be solid. In two years, she will be 18 and the chance of working on our relationship becomes smaller. She will feel like she can do it all herself (I know because I was the same way) and her life will be all about her and probably really busy...without me. So I want to strengthen it as much as I can now.
* Nathan will be 13 in April. How tie flies. He is not yet a teen but I am definately seeing some teen attitude already. He is such a good kid with such a great heart but he seems to have lost his way. I want to work on our mother/son relationship but I also want to work on my teacher responsibilites with him. It is my responsiblity to teach him after all. I need to teach him to get organized so that his life can be a little less caotic with his ADHD. I need to teach him to have a better relationship at this age wtih his siblings, with Jose and with all those around him.
* CJ is only 4. Our relationship at this age is pretty simple but it can always use work. During the week, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with work and the family that I forget to make the time for him that he needs and wants. The simple one on one playtime that he should get. Timet that will allow me to see the little person that he is turning into. The little person that will be starting school in August and getting so much influence from the outside world that I can shelter him from. All I can do is teach him now to be a good person and believe in who he is.

* FAMILY...I struggle with this word because I feel like outside my home I don't know who family really is. I feel as though my REAL family has all abandoned me but I know that I did what I had to do. I also know that true family has nothing to do with blood. FAMILY in this case refers to my adopted families. The people who accept me for who I am. The people who are just a phonecall away...day or night. The people that have seen laugh and cry. The people who I call FAMILY...and you know who you are. I want to keep the relationships with my family close. I want to keep them strong and I want all those that are many miles away that no matter how far you are...you are always in my heart. It is easy to allow so much time to go by with our busy lives but I want to work on better communication this year so that I don't feel so far away from everyone. This especially included my godchildren. I don't feel that I have really been there for them the past year the way that I wanted to be. I have not been in their lives as much as I would have liked and that I will need to work on as well.

* FRIENDS...Friends and Family go together in this situation. I have a hard time drawing the line sometinems but in this particular situation I am referring to new friendships. I have made some great friends in the past year that I want to continue to work on our relationships. A relationship only deveops over time and you have to really let someone in for that to work. There are very few people here in NC that know who I really am and what I am all about. Not because I don't let them in but because they just don't know everything that I have been through...again, this a process that takes time. What better time than a year...lol !

Reviewing my 2010 To-Do List

Just like in past tradition, I must go over the past year. So here was my 2010 To-Do list along with what I actually got done, what I totally failed at and what landed somewhere in the middle of the two. I know this is a long email but please bear with me on this one. Is a big deal to me to see my accomplishments and failures throughout the year so that I can change things that I need or want for the following year. So here we go...

Me:

[ X ] I was not able to actually go back to school last year due to time and money. I am making it my number one priority this year. I am not trying to take on the world, I just want to at least do one class a semester to get going again. {Priority my ass, I totally failed at this AGAIN ! I had a lot going on this year with my mother, moving and the kids but that is all excuses. The bottom line is that I didn't do it !}

[ * ] I would like to get out and meet more of my neighbors. We have lived in this community for a year and a half now and I am ashamed to say that we barely know our neighbors. { Well I do know more our neighbors and have more of that community feeling but not in the same house...lol. That house was beautiful and huge but the neighborhood was snobby and snooty and we would never have made friends with our neighbors there !}

[ * ] I will continue to work on my life book. I don't want to call it an autobiography because that sounds so proffessional and I am far from a writer. I do want to have my life in thoughts on paper though for my kids and grandkids someday. {I did continue to work on it but not as much as I would have liked. I didn't mention how much though so I do consider this an accomplishment. It's all about baby steps.}

[ * ] I am currently working on not yelling so much. I have to admit that I unfortunately got that from my mother and tend to yell before I even talk. I am really trying. { I don't yell as much. I still yell. I still yell more than I want to but I have worked on it and there has been progress !}

[ X ] Since we are talking about my mother, I want to actually work on my relationship with her. There has been a lot that has happened these past couple of years and we could use some reflection on what we have. I know that I complain a whole lot about my mother but I truly do love her. { This was the biggest fail of them all ! My mother no longer speak anymore. I don't exist in her eyes. The relationship is gone and there is nothing to work on. }

[ * ] I would like to actually see the raises that I have not been getting in my job. I work my butt of and def deserve to recognized. But if for whatever reason, that does not happen soon, I might just be forced to look somewhere else. I want to be at a job that recognizes that work that I do. { My boss recoginzed my hard work and everything that I do and gave me a raise. Work has actualy been getting better...do I dare say that. I was really looking for another job but now I think that I might sit still for a while. That is good news to me because I really don't like bumping around from job to job. }

[ X ] I am also ashamed to admit that I never started the search to get back in touch with my brother Tiago. This will be another priority that I have this year. { Because of the horrible relationship, or lack of, with my mother, the relationship with my brother and sister have also faltered. My brother would have been the one to help me in my search and I don't feel as though I can ask him now. This will be something that I will have to put on hold until I can find someone else to help me accomplish this. }

[ X ] Volunteer work is another avenue that I want to pursue this year. I honestly don't know where I will have the time but it is something that I seriously want to do so I will have to make the time. {Another fail but something I feel that I need more this year than any other year. I not only want to do it myself but I also want to have my children participate with me doing it. Something in dealing with those less fortunate than us. I feel that there is a lesson that they have not learned yet about how much we have in comparison to others. }

[ X ] And lastly for my personal goals, I want to start putting my crafts out there to see if I can actually do something that I love as at least a side business. There is no time like the present. { Fail....ha ha ha. I barely worked on my crafts this year at all. Again, it really was due to everything else going on but that is just an excuse. }

Me & Jose:

[ X ] We will continue to have our monthly date nights. It has actually allowed us to get even closer, if you can believe that...lol. { Our monthly date nights went out the window when Larissa went to RI for the summer because we lost our sitter. When she came back I felt too guilty asking her. We do spend some nights together cuddled on the couch watching movies when the kids fall asleep but I feel that we need to get out of the house together too. This is something that I want to work on again this year. }

[ * ] We need to work better on budgeting to allow for saving and even a little more playing. We are at a point now that we should be able to put a little aside. Every little bit counts. { Due to our wonderful move, we now save more money. We also bought the Kia so that is more money going back out but we have learned to manage our money better and have a plan to put into action this year to save some money so this was an accomplishment to me. }

[ * ] We have been successfully organizing our meet-up group. Ok, so I am the one doing most of it but he is so great about standing behind me and helping me with everything. He is just as involved in it as I am, we even added a Guys Night Out that he does. I want to continue to do this throughout this year. { This was the biggest accomplishment of them all ! The group is great and some of the wonderful friends that we have made here were through the group. Here is to another great year !}

The Kids:

[ * ] Obviously I would like to spend more time with the kids but there are only so many hours in a day. I want to try to spend more QUALITY time with the kids. I have realized that although we might all be in the house, we are not really spending time together. I want to work on that for them and for me. { I really do feel as though my time with the children this year was more about Quality than quantity. I really enjoyed the time I had with them this year. I want this to carry over to the coming year too. }

[ X ] Night routines: God only knows that the weeknights are a nightmare. I get home from a long day at work and it is dinner, homework, baths, clean up, studying, and trying to find out how everyone's day went and what they need for the next day. I seem to be a little less organized at this point in my day. What? I can be disorganized sometimes you know. But I do want to work on this and make my night more productive than they currently are. { Night routines are so hard for me. I guess I should say bedtime routines, not night routines. I have a night routine...I come home, cook dinner, go over homework, we all eat together at the dinner table and then the night falls apart after that. So I guess maybe I should have worded this differently. }

[ X ] PTO...I was PTO president at Larissa's school in RI and very involved in Nathan's school PTO but for some reason, I have really slacked here. I want to try to get more involved. I don't really have the time for President or anything too time consuming like that but I do want to at least join and know what is going on.
{ Although this was a fail, I am not going to work on it this coming year. I do a lot of blog reading and Clover Lane is one of my favs. She is a stay at home mom who made me realize that we don't have to kill ourselves and do it all. Being part of the PTO is just not a priorty in my life right now. I can be active without being a part of something so big and taking time away from my family}

The home:

[ * ] Working on our bedroom is a must. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary but it just seems like a room with everything thrown in. I want to try to get it to the adult bedroom that both Jose and I really want. {I love our bedroom in the new house...with the exception of the damn weight bench in our room...and I feel that it is the retreat that I have always wanted. }

[ X ] If we renew our lease in May (the only way we won't renew is if they raise the rent), I want to paint the kitchen. I have been saying that since we moved in and it has yet to be done. { As you all know, we didn't renew our lease and we moved so this was not a task that I was able to accomplish !}

[ X ] Cleaning the garage and organizing it will be my spring project for this year. Tons of unused space just going to waste. {same answer as the above..we moved, no accomplishable !}

Family:

[ * ] Game Night is back on and hopefully will be all year long ! {We have not kept it up all year long but we have done it often. Looking forward to more of it this coming year. }

[ * ] I have already started this but I need to cook healthier not only for Jose and I, but also for the kids. More veggies, less junk and leaner meats. We can do it together. { We do cook healthier but we still need to work on the veggies part. I have def eaten more veggies this year but getting the fam to do it is a whole other story !}

[ X ] I want to get more exercise as a family. Spend more time outdoors. That was a goal last year and I think that we failed pretty badly at that. We all know how I get in the heat. I think that I went in hybernation when the really hot weather came. { We are not an outdoor family. We hate being outdoors and everything that comes with it so I am just going to leave well enough alone and continue to enjoy our time together...indoors !}

So that was it...not too painful I hope. This will allow me to meditate on what I want the new year to bring. I have some thinking to do now.

My Computer Hates Me Today !

I have to apologize to those of you who got repeated empty posts labelled "I'm bored!". I really am trying to write this and each time I hit tab, it posts the title. Must be some malfunction going on with this computer...figures !

Oh well, here it goes once again. I wanted to the title of this Post to be "I'm Bored!".

That is what I have heard since Christmas night. Nothing like hearing those words to make you realize that you either picked all the wrong things for Christmas or our kids in todays world don't know how to amuse themselves. Seriously, it gets old. I always knew that I would say it but....

Back when I was a kids we didn't have 900+ channels to surf. We had 6, 10, 12, 36 & 64...that was it. We looked forward to cartoons on Saturday morning because that was pretty much all there was on.
Video games were atari and you were damn lucky if you had one. I never had one. I did finally get the first Ninento with Duck Hunt and Mario Bros but that was when it was really cheap because everyone else had moved onto the next big system.
Cell phones...lmao ! I got my first house phone when I was in high school. We couldn't afford to have a house phone and it was my Christmas gift the year I entered high school. I no longer had to walk to my aunts to use the phone anymore. What a great moment that was.
Going out to eat all the time ? Fridays I would take the city bus downtown to meet my mother after work and we would walk to People's Bank to cash her check and then we would walk to Burger King for a Fish Sandwich Meal. It was what I looked forward to all week long. And then we would take the bus home together. We didn't have a car !

What is wrong with kids today. Everything they have is not enough. They don't know how to be happy with all that they have. They don't know how to appreciate the things that they have and they have no imagination at all. I ended up playing cards with five kids last night and that they loved. A .99 pack of cards kept them busy when all their new toys sit under the tree. God help me, I sound like my mother.