I am so overwhelmed with everything right now. I am trying to keep a grip on things and they seem to be slipping through my fingers, or at least that is how it feels today. Each step closer and I should feel less stress and yet I am feeling more overwhelmed. Mabye it's the thought that Jose will be leaving in two weeks and I will have the three kids by myself. Two of which really don't like me right now. Or maybe it's because I will be left with the daunting task of packing up the house pretty much by myself. Or maybe it's because my daughter has made it her mission in life to make this step in our lives be the hardest one ever.
All we ever want is for our families to be happy, our kids to be happy. The feeling of letting them down is one that you can't get past easily. I know that this too will pass. I know that once we are there and they are back with family and friends that all this will be forgotten. Do we all remember Larissa's big fight not to move to Concord High School? That was one of the best moves and she loves it there. And now I am dragging it away from her. Maybe it's the guilt in me that is eating me alive. The guilt that I took my kids over 800 miles away from all the family and friends that they knew to try to give them something better. The guilt of moving them from the schools they were comfortable with here to new schools only to realize that my kids can handle so much more than I give them credit for. And now this. After allowing them to get comfortable and call this home, I am taking it away...AGAIN.
Just hearing myself type these words makes me realize it's not all that bad. I am just having a bad day today...thanks to Larissa. The news of Jose getting the job was wonderful but it also was a dose of reality that slapped me in the face. The reality that he would be gone soon. The reality that we will be apart for four weeks. The reality of packing up and moving again. The reality of starting over again.
Unlike my daughter, I can see the good in things. I can't wait to see all the great family and friends that we have there that I miss so much. I can't wait to see my best friend and cry in her arms about how emotional I am. I can't wait to sit on Bianca's couch and watch the kids play on a regular basis. I can't wait to take a ride with Mayi so she can tell me how stupid I am being about this. I can't wait to have coffee at Mami & taste Papi's cooking again. I can't wait to see Diana get married. I can't wait to hang out at Amy's and spend more time with my godson and his new baby sister. I can't wait to play cards with Didi. I can't wait to have dinner with Danny. I will probably be mad when I realize that I am probably forgetting someone really important because I am just rambling. I look forward to Nathan and Larissa enjoying more time with their paternal grandmother while we have time with her...and CJ with his grandmother. I look forward to seeing some old friends that I have not been able to see on previous trips.
If this whole experience has taught me anything, it is that we think we have so much time to spend with the people we really care about and so much time to tell them how much they mean to us but life is really short. Each day is a blessing and tomorrow is not promised to us. So although this is a bad day, I am looking forward to the next step on our lives together.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Updates
We have been busy getting everything ready for yet another move. I am starting to feel like a gypsy. I have already settled everything with the schools. Both Nathan and Larissa will be taking exams on June 1st and 2nd with the 3rd being reserved for retesting if they need it.
Jose is desperately looking for a job but no offers have been made yet. He has made the decision to give his two weeks and head up to RI where he will be able to go to places and talk to people and if all else fails, go through a temp agency for now.
I am packing again ! The thought kills me. Thankfully I wasn't completely unpacked yet but it still sucks. I have been getting rid of a lot of stuff. Stuff that we have lugged with us from one house to another without using it. I still need to through the toys and books because we have too much.
I have a good feeling about everything though. God has been right beside me through this whole journey and I know that I am not alone. I have a wonderful family and a great support system both here and in RI. I am truly blessed.
Jose is desperately looking for a job but no offers have been made yet. He has made the decision to give his two weeks and head up to RI where he will be able to go to places and talk to people and if all else fails, go through a temp agency for now.
I am packing again ! The thought kills me. Thankfully I wasn't completely unpacked yet but it still sucks. I have been getting rid of a lot of stuff. Stuff that we have lugged with us from one house to another without using it. I still need to through the toys and books because we have too much.
I have a good feeling about everything though. God has been right beside me through this whole journey and I know that I am not alone. I have a wonderful family and a great support system both here and in RI. I am truly blessed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
One Day at a Time
I am sorry that I have absent for those of you that follow. It has been a very difficult time for all of us as a family. Our lives have been turned upside from the direction that they were in and we are adjusting. We can do this together as a family though. God will lead us through this.
I ask that you all bear with me as we continue to deal with our situation. I will be busy packing once again and it is harder this time around because I am not in the right frame of mind.
We have made the decision as a family to move back to RI to be with Jose's mom. We are at peace with the decision that we have made but it is difficult for us. We are doing it for all the right reasons but it is overwhelming. We have to keep focused on the positive and remember all the great stuff we left behind in RI. All the family and friends that we miss so much. We are going with a differ frame of mind than when we left. We are going to do the things we never did while we there. We are hoping to take the kids skiing at Yagoo Valley. We hope to go to Mystic Aquarium and Hershey Park and whatever else we missed. We are going to use this as an opportunity, as second chance of sorts.
So I hope that you guys all tag along for this roller coaster ride with us as we figure out just how to make things work out. Together, we can do anything.
I ask that you all bear with me as we continue to deal with our situation. I will be busy packing once again and it is harder this time around because I am not in the right frame of mind.
We have made the decision as a family to move back to RI to be with Jose's mom. We are at peace with the decision that we have made but it is difficult for us. We are doing it for all the right reasons but it is overwhelming. We have to keep focused on the positive and remember all the great stuff we left behind in RI. All the family and friends that we miss so much. We are going with a differ frame of mind than when we left. We are going to do the things we never did while we there. We are hoping to take the kids skiing at Yagoo Valley. We hope to go to Mystic Aquarium and Hershey Park and whatever else we missed. We are going to use this as an opportunity, as second chance of sorts.
So I hope that you guys all tag along for this roller coaster ride with us as we figure out just how to make things work out. Together, we can do anything.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Do You Love Your Home?
One of my favorite blogs to read posted this today and I feel it necessary to share it here because it embodies what I feel. This is what she wrote:
Do you want to love your home?
I think the secret to house love is to stop comparing your house to other's...just pay attention to your house, wherever you may be right now, whatever it might look like, and work at turning it into the coziest, cleanest home it can be.
In my book of rules I once wrote these things:
•Clean and everything will look better to you.
•Order=sanity.
•Less toys, furniture, clothing, junk is always better...keep a SIMPLE house...get rid of stuff constantly. Or better yet, don't buy it!
•Don't ask for endless opinions...you'll get too many ideas...stick with what YOU love.
•A small change, that usually costs pennies... flowers, a pretty plant, etc...makes a big difference.
•Don't copy anyone's style...yours is just as nice.
•There are tons of ideas and images out there from just about everywhere..magazines, (and I'll add now- blogs!)...it is a waste of time to constantly be on the search for the perfect idea, or to constantly want/need change. Be content! Mind your own home, with what you have on hand. Sometimes this means: STOP LOOKING!
I know it's hard! Sometimes I still fall victim, (although I do it much less than I used to), to looking at a picture and thinking, "oh why did I choose cream instead of white cabinets!?" or "I need more color in here!" or just plain "I want that!"
Once again, we have so many, TOO many, chances to want, want, want. Or to wish, wish, wish.
What if we just tried contentment? What if we accepted our homes as they are, linoleum, old cabinets, tiny closets, squeaky doors, hand-me-down sofa, and worked with and learned to love what we have right in front of us? I think our grandparents did this much better than we have ever done. Most of them lived in the same home for their lifetimes, and took such good care of what they had, whether it was the "in" thing or not.
If you can wean yourself from the barrage of magazines, from the constant ideas and images, and pitch those catalogs, I promise you, if you stop looking out there, and start looking nowhere but your own home, you will begin to love it.
I really have found if you clean, everything will look fresh and new to you. It's a little miracle, isn't it? Sometimes I think, "Oh, I need a change in here." And that change always means more money, more searching (time wasting searching), something new. BUT I find when I just give that room a good old fashioned cleaning I feel so differently...that's all that was needed. Dust those shelves, buy some tulips or pick some branches from outside to put in a vase, scrub, scrub, scrub, wash the windows, move things around, and purge all that clutter. Fill the air with the fresh scent of 'clean', whatever that is to you, and trust me, you will love your home again.
And your home will love you right back.
This was from http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/2011/03/40-days-tips-and-tricks-house-love.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CloverLane+%28Clover+Lane%29. Feel free to check out her blog because she is an amazing mother of five who writes about stuff that we all think about.
Do you want to love your home?
I think the secret to house love is to stop comparing your house to other's...just pay attention to your house, wherever you may be right now, whatever it might look like, and work at turning it into the coziest, cleanest home it can be.
In my book of rules I once wrote these things:
•Clean and everything will look better to you.
•Order=sanity.
•Less toys, furniture, clothing, junk is always better...keep a SIMPLE house...get rid of stuff constantly. Or better yet, don't buy it!
•Don't ask for endless opinions...you'll get too many ideas...stick with what YOU love.
•A small change, that usually costs pennies... flowers, a pretty plant, etc...makes a big difference.
•Don't copy anyone's style...yours is just as nice.
•There are tons of ideas and images out there from just about everywhere..magazines, (and I'll add now- blogs!)...it is a waste of time to constantly be on the search for the perfect idea, or to constantly want/need change. Be content! Mind your own home, with what you have on hand. Sometimes this means: STOP LOOKING!
I know it's hard! Sometimes I still fall victim, (although I do it much less than I used to), to looking at a picture and thinking, "oh why did I choose cream instead of white cabinets!?" or "I need more color in here!" or just plain "I want that!"
Once again, we have so many, TOO many, chances to want, want, want. Or to wish, wish, wish.
What if we just tried contentment? What if we accepted our homes as they are, linoleum, old cabinets, tiny closets, squeaky doors, hand-me-down sofa, and worked with and learned to love what we have right in front of us? I think our grandparents did this much better than we have ever done. Most of them lived in the same home for their lifetimes, and took such good care of what they had, whether it was the "in" thing or not.
If you can wean yourself from the barrage of magazines, from the constant ideas and images, and pitch those catalogs, I promise you, if you stop looking out there, and start looking nowhere but your own home, you will begin to love it.
I really have found if you clean, everything will look fresh and new to you. It's a little miracle, isn't it? Sometimes I think, "Oh, I need a change in here." And that change always means more money, more searching (time wasting searching), something new. BUT I find when I just give that room a good old fashioned cleaning I feel so differently...that's all that was needed. Dust those shelves, buy some tulips or pick some branches from outside to put in a vase, scrub, scrub, scrub, wash the windows, move things around, and purge all that clutter. Fill the air with the fresh scent of 'clean', whatever that is to you, and trust me, you will love your home again.
And your home will love you right back.
This was from http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/2011/03/40-days-tips-and-tricks-house-love.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CloverLane+%28Clover+Lane%29. Feel free to check out her blog because she is an amazing mother of five who writes about stuff that we all think about.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
A Toothpick !
What a freakin' couple of days. Tuesday night I stepped on a toothpick. It barely punctured the skin but just enough to stick and make me have to take it out. It bled out so little that I didn't need anything. I just wiped it with my finger and it was done. I put peroxide on it and laid down. The pain seemed to get worst as the night went on and I couldn't sleep so I took an 800mg Motrin for the pain. Shortly after I fell asleep. When i got up in the morning it was still sore but I just figured that feet just take longer to heal so I put my socks and boots on and went to work. As the day went on it began to hurt more and more. I took another Motrin and managed to get through the day. When I got home and took off my socks and boots, my foot was swollen...almost double the size of my other foot. By the end of the night I was in so much pain that I was in tears...mind you, I have a very high tolerance for pain. I left a message for the dr on call and took another Motrin to ease the pain. The dr didn't call back but it's all good because I actually fell asleep and slept good with the pain meds.
This morning I called and the nurse told me to come right in. No questions asked, no appointment, just come in. That alone made me scared. So the doctor looks at it and says it's infected and pretty badly. He has me on antibotics and I have to go back to have him look at it on Tuesday. It needs to go down...the swelling, redness and hotness of it. He drew on my foot and told me that if it goes past where he drew then I need to get into the urgent care asap, not to wait for the follow up appointment...talk about making me stressed ! He said that my foot is too swollen for him to be able to tell but because of where it punctured, it might have hit a tendon and if that's the case then they might need to do a surgical procedure to look at it and fix any damage that it might have done. He said a few more things after that but honestly, I stopped listening after he said "surgical procedure". I think that I went into shock.
This is insane ! It was a damn toothpick ! It just punctured the skin and that was all ! Now I am keeping a close eye on foot and praying that this heals quickly and propperly and doesn't require surgery.
This morning I called and the nurse told me to come right in. No questions asked, no appointment, just come in. That alone made me scared. So the doctor looks at it and says it's infected and pretty badly. He has me on antibotics and I have to go back to have him look at it on Tuesday. It needs to go down...the swelling, redness and hotness of it. He drew on my foot and told me that if it goes past where he drew then I need to get into the urgent care asap, not to wait for the follow up appointment...talk about making me stressed ! He said that my foot is too swollen for him to be able to tell but because of where it punctured, it might have hit a tendon and if that's the case then they might need to do a surgical procedure to look at it and fix any damage that it might have done. He said a few more things after that but honestly, I stopped listening after he said "surgical procedure". I think that I went into shock.
This is insane ! It was a damn toothpick ! It just punctured the skin and that was all ! Now I am keeping a close eye on foot and praying that this heals quickly and propperly and doesn't require surgery.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Turning a house into a HOME
When you are little, the words "house" and "home" seem to be interchangable. Then you grow up and realize that they are not one in the same. You can live in many houses before finding a home. In this day and age when the world is filled with cookie cutter houses, it become even more important to turn your house into a home. A home. A place you can come to each night and feel cozy and relaxed and it embodies you. It makes you smile. It makes you proud.
My house is no exception to the cookie cutter mold....the modular home mold. I am in desperate search of making ours stand out. In desperate search of making our home symbolize us. In desperate search of turning out house into a home. This time it's even more important to us because this will truly be our home....the place CJ remembers growing up in.
Our requirements for a home have changed dramatically with each one of our moves and the fear of the recent recession and fear of any future recessions as well. Everyone has learned to live wisely and on a budget....well, most people anyways. Home for me doesn't mean bigger, it doesn't mean all the luxury items (although I love having two bathrooms again). It means having what you need and making due with what you have. Our biggest concern has been finding a community. That must sound so strange when we live in a state filled with communities but ask many people and you will realize that the communities being created are not living up to their names. The first one we lived in was beautiful. We fell in love the moment we saw it. The house with the large southern porch. The manicured lawns. The perfect community in all its glory. But it never felt like a community. People didn't come together the way that we had hoped. The move after that proved to be slightly better with the community feel but the neighborhood proved to be something we didn't want the kids growing up in. It seems as though we have found where we belong. We have found the feeling of community that we had been searching for. Probably in the least expected place but it's a wonderful feeling. And I know that it's probably too early to know for sure if this community is all that we hold it to but it certainly has started off on the right foot and we are determined to keep it this way.
Boy do I manage to get off topic when I start talking...lol.
So anyways, I am feeling out our home. Moving furniture around. Putting up curtains. Making pillows. Doing what I feel is necessary to make our house a home. And I wanted to share one of the things that I recently added near our front door during my Simply Said party. It reminds me that is our HOME !
My house is no exception to the cookie cutter mold....the modular home mold. I am in desperate search of making ours stand out. In desperate search of making our home symbolize us. In desperate search of turning out house into a home. This time it's even more important to us because this will truly be our home....the place CJ remembers growing up in.
Our requirements for a home have changed dramatically with each one of our moves and the fear of the recent recession and fear of any future recessions as well. Everyone has learned to live wisely and on a budget....well, most people anyways. Home for me doesn't mean bigger, it doesn't mean all the luxury items (although I love having two bathrooms again). It means having what you need and making due with what you have. Our biggest concern has been finding a community. That must sound so strange when we live in a state filled with communities but ask many people and you will realize that the communities being created are not living up to their names. The first one we lived in was beautiful. We fell in love the moment we saw it. The house with the large southern porch. The manicured lawns. The perfect community in all its glory. But it never felt like a community. People didn't come together the way that we had hoped. The move after that proved to be slightly better with the community feel but the neighborhood proved to be something we didn't want the kids growing up in. It seems as though we have found where we belong. We have found the feeling of community that we had been searching for. Probably in the least expected place but it's a wonderful feeling. And I know that it's probably too early to know for sure if this community is all that we hold it to but it certainly has started off on the right foot and we are determined to keep it this way.
Boy do I manage to get off topic when I start talking...lol.
So anyways, I am feeling out our home. Moving furniture around. Putting up curtains. Making pillows. Doing what I feel is necessary to make our house a home. And I wanted to share one of the things that I recently added near our front door during my Simply Said party. It reminds me that is our HOME !
Friday, March 4, 2011
Adjusting to the Move
The move has left me really tired and just wanting to sit and relax. Between our move and then Kelly's move, my body is screaming for mercy but that is nothing that a soak in my new garden tub won't cure. :o)
The house is not coming along as well as I had hoped but that is simply because I haven't been doing anything. I have to admit it because it's the truth. Once things were moved I got lazy. I also hate to admit that we still have some things at the old house that we have to get out this weekend too. I will do a lot this weekend though because I am having people over for a Simply Said party and even though it's friends that know we just moved, I want to place to look nice. So I will have to do my tazmanian devil act and just go through the whole house. I can't believe that this is out home. It is so wonderful to know that we will be here for a while. To know that I can unpack and not worry about having to pack back up. It is a pretty amazing feeling.
Nathan has adapted real well to the new neighborhood. He made friends even before he started school. He is out playing with the neighborhood kids until it's dark. God, I remember doing that when I was a kid and it's all I have ever wanted for my kids. Nathan has always been sort of an indoor person. He has been stuck inside on the computer and video games but things have changed. It makes me so happy to see him running in the door when the street lights go on smelling of the outdoors. I never thought that would be a sweet smell to me but it is, even though I am quick to send him directly to the shower. To me, it means that he has been outside doing what boys do best. He is running around and getting all his energy out. He races to the playground in the development to go play football with the boys and even leaves for the bus early in the morning to get in some playing too.
CJ has really gotten to enjoy the outdoors since we moved too. He heads straight for his McQueen riding car as soon as he gets home and rides until it's dinner time. Sometimes he reaches for his bike or Nathan's scooter. The little boy across the street is usually outside too so he now has a friend to play with and I think that Sam, that's the little boy across the street, is only a year younger than CJ. It's cute to watch the two of them race in the cul-de-sac with their little cars. Sam just got a sandbox too that CJ has been invited to go play in...lol.
Larissa is really the only one who hasn't made friends in the development but she already has so many friends that she doesn't know what to do with them. She barely has enough time for them...when she is not on punishment...lol. She likes the new neighborhood because she can once again go for walks or go down to the playground. And in the summer, she can go down to the pool too.
So I just wanted to report to everyone that things are good even though I haven't had too much time to get on here and tell you all about it. I hope to have some nice pictures of the house this weekend. I hope everyone has a great weekend.
The house is not coming along as well as I had hoped but that is simply because I haven't been doing anything. I have to admit it because it's the truth. Once things were moved I got lazy. I also hate to admit that we still have some things at the old house that we have to get out this weekend too. I will do a lot this weekend though because I am having people over for a Simply Said party and even though it's friends that know we just moved, I want to place to look nice. So I will have to do my tazmanian devil act and just go through the whole house. I can't believe that this is out home. It is so wonderful to know that we will be here for a while. To know that I can unpack and not worry about having to pack back up. It is a pretty amazing feeling.
Nathan has adapted real well to the new neighborhood. He made friends even before he started school. He is out playing with the neighborhood kids until it's dark. God, I remember doing that when I was a kid and it's all I have ever wanted for my kids. Nathan has always been sort of an indoor person. He has been stuck inside on the computer and video games but things have changed. It makes me so happy to see him running in the door when the street lights go on smelling of the outdoors. I never thought that would be a sweet smell to me but it is, even though I am quick to send him directly to the shower. To me, it means that he has been outside doing what boys do best. He is running around and getting all his energy out. He races to the playground in the development to go play football with the boys and even leaves for the bus early in the morning to get in some playing too.
CJ has really gotten to enjoy the outdoors since we moved too. He heads straight for his McQueen riding car as soon as he gets home and rides until it's dinner time. Sometimes he reaches for his bike or Nathan's scooter. The little boy across the street is usually outside too so he now has a friend to play with and I think that Sam, that's the little boy across the street, is only a year younger than CJ. It's cute to watch the two of them race in the cul-de-sac with their little cars. Sam just got a sandbox too that CJ has been invited to go play in...lol.
Larissa is really the only one who hasn't made friends in the development but she already has so many friends that she doesn't know what to do with them. She barely has enough time for them...when she is not on punishment...lol. She likes the new neighborhood because she can once again go for walks or go down to the playground. And in the summer, she can go down to the pool too.
So I just wanted to report to everyone that things are good even though I haven't had too much time to get on here and tell you all about it. I hope to have some nice pictures of the house this weekend. I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)