We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday. The house was full of food and family, the way that is should be. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Vanessa, we got some amazing family pics too. It really was a day to celebrate. We celebrated Jose's mom going into remission. I got to pull out my holiday wine cups and we had a toast to the amazing news....to many more years together.
Sadly though, when everyone went home and we were left to the quiet of the night, a litte sense of something missing kicked in. I miss NC. With the amazing day we had, that should not have even been a thought in my mind but it was. I miss home, the home in NC. There is just something about Concord, NC that is home to me. There is a joy that it brings to me. The kids seem to have been at their happiest there. We had our home that we had finaly decided to buy in a great community. It was what home should feel like. So I sat alone and just cried for what was missing.
Now that I got that out of the way, I want to add that we made the decision to move with an open mind. I wanted to do it as much as Jose. I encourged it and I have no regrets. This is where we need to be right now. I am pretty sure that I feel this way because we have not been able to find "home" here yet. Of course I was hoping that the home we are in now would be our "home" but that just isnt' the case. I think that once we find a home here, that I won't have that empty feeling that I have now. The whole where home was. Or maybe Concord, NC will always be home to me.
Jose and I are blessed. We have great friendships and families in both states. We have our long time friends here that are like family to us. We have family here. But we have that there too. It is so hard to think of being away from people we love no matter where we are. It is something that we will have to always deal with. I wish that we could have everyone with us in NC and then life would be perfect. Anyone know of a star I can wish on...lol?
So I hope that everyone had as nice of a Thanksgiving as we did. We certainly had something to be thankful for. And I will hold on harder to the wonderful moments in life. Missing things in my life means that I had the joy of having them in the first place, something some people never get to have. We truly have so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
what I am NOT doing
Larissa is a senior in high school. After reading another post that I love to read daily (Clover Lane), I started to really think about how much I am missing the college application process with my daughter. I am not filling out applications, I am not visiting schools and I am not discussing majors.
I was raised by a single mother who paid for me to go through catholic school from 1st grade to 8th grade. It was a small school. My 8th grade class had 16 kids, 8 girls and 8 boys that all graduated together. I pretty much got straight A’s and school was very natural to me. When it came time for high school, my mother could no longer afford the catholic school so I went to a public school that required an entrance exam. I passed and that is where I went. It was a culture shock for me because my freshman class had 216 kids ! I remember my senior year like it was yesterday. How I loved to learn and still do. I went to a great high school academically but it certainly did not help me prepare for what would happen after high school even though it was college prep.
I have always had a desire to learn. I think that my desire to learn was actually a handicap for me because I wanted to learn it all and could not decide what I wanted to do with my life. My guidance counselor did not do anything to help me either. The only help I got was that stupid fill in the circles paper that asked you a bunch of questions and then said…you might want to look into…doctor, lawyer, cop, ect. That based strictly on what you answered. I didn’t have any personal meetings with counselors to talk about my future. And if it was up to me, I would do it all ! I needed someone to sit with me and talk about all of my interests and explain the degrees and where they could get me and what was required for degrees. I also wish that they had walked me through more financial aid options. But that was the past and well, you can’t go back.
So I graduated high school and worked full time. The following January I went to Katherine Gibbs for Executive Assistant for 6 months and started working. I got married, I had two children and then I got divorced. Then I went back to school. I had the desire to learn at that point in my life. I wanted to be back in school. I wish that I had the desire to go after high school but I don’t regret the decision not to go. I wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t have applied myself the way that I do now because I didn’t want it then.
I wish that I was going through the whole college application and college visiting with my daughter, Larissa. I wish that she had the desire to go to college. I wish that she had the desire for anything. She is determined to graduate high school and I am so thankful that she finally got on board with that. Her high school years have been a nightmare academically. She simply doesn’t finish work, hand in work or care about work. Her attitude sucks and it kills me to see this attitude from my daughter when I raised her better than that through teaching and experience. She needs to want it and she simply does not.
She is an artsy person. She had done theatre, she can paint like nobody’s business, she likes ceramics and broadcasting. She is all about the arts. Even with the drive for the Arts, she is not motivated to plan for her future. I am constantly asking her what she plans on doing and she doesn’t know. I ask her what she would like to do and she doesn’t know. The more I push, the harder it gets and the less information I get. She is a good kid. She doesn’t hang with the wrong crowd. She has a great heart for people. She just seems lost. I have been trying to guide her because my mother was not there for me in this way. I don’t want to tell her what to do, I just simply want to help her understand that you have to have a dream, a goal and then show her ways to get to her goal. But I can’t even get there. I can always keep praying that she has a change of heart along the way!
I was raised by a single mother who paid for me to go through catholic school from 1st grade to 8th grade. It was a small school. My 8th grade class had 16 kids, 8 girls and 8 boys that all graduated together. I pretty much got straight A’s and school was very natural to me. When it came time for high school, my mother could no longer afford the catholic school so I went to a public school that required an entrance exam. I passed and that is where I went. It was a culture shock for me because my freshman class had 216 kids ! I remember my senior year like it was yesterday. How I loved to learn and still do. I went to a great high school academically but it certainly did not help me prepare for what would happen after high school even though it was college prep.
I have always had a desire to learn. I think that my desire to learn was actually a handicap for me because I wanted to learn it all and could not decide what I wanted to do with my life. My guidance counselor did not do anything to help me either. The only help I got was that stupid fill in the circles paper that asked you a bunch of questions and then said…you might want to look into…doctor, lawyer, cop, ect. That based strictly on what you answered. I didn’t have any personal meetings with counselors to talk about my future. And if it was up to me, I would do it all ! I needed someone to sit with me and talk about all of my interests and explain the degrees and where they could get me and what was required for degrees. I also wish that they had walked me through more financial aid options. But that was the past and well, you can’t go back.
So I graduated high school and worked full time. The following January I went to Katherine Gibbs for Executive Assistant for 6 months and started working. I got married, I had two children and then I got divorced. Then I went back to school. I had the desire to learn at that point in my life. I wanted to be back in school. I wish that I had the desire to go after high school but I don’t regret the decision not to go. I wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t have applied myself the way that I do now because I didn’t want it then.
I wish that I was going through the whole college application and college visiting with my daughter, Larissa. I wish that she had the desire to go to college. I wish that she had the desire for anything. She is determined to graduate high school and I am so thankful that she finally got on board with that. Her high school years have been a nightmare academically. She simply doesn’t finish work, hand in work or care about work. Her attitude sucks and it kills me to see this attitude from my daughter when I raised her better than that through teaching and experience. She needs to want it and she simply does not.
She is an artsy person. She had done theatre, she can paint like nobody’s business, she likes ceramics and broadcasting. She is all about the arts. Even with the drive for the Arts, she is not motivated to plan for her future. I am constantly asking her what she plans on doing and she doesn’t know. I ask her what she would like to do and she doesn’t know. The more I push, the harder it gets and the less information I get. She is a good kid. She doesn’t hang with the wrong crowd. She has a great heart for people. She just seems lost. I have been trying to guide her because my mother was not there for me in this way. I don’t want to tell her what to do, I just simply want to help her understand that you have to have a dream, a goal and then show her ways to get to her goal. But I can’t even get there. I can always keep praying that she has a change of heart along the way!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Happy Birthday Larissa
My baby girl turned 17 today. 17! Oh my, where has the time gone. Life has a way of just sneaking by and you stop and look back and it's all just a blurr.
Each year, for as long as I can remember, I wake up my birthday child with a candle in something to sing Happy Birthday and I usually get a picture. I have used to pretty creative things too. I have used cupcakes, oreo cookies, Ring Dings, pancakes, toast and a list of other things. This year was no different. Here is the picture of Larissa's birthday awakening.
It is not a great picture, as most are not but they are memories. Memories that I will cherish forever. Tradition that I have already heard Nathan and Larissa speak of to friends. A tradition that I will try to uphold as long as I can.
I wanted to get her something special and something that wouldn't end up in the garbage in future years. I have been a decluttering bug and the last I want is to bring more unnecessary things into the house. So, I had the perfect plan. Larissa's friend Cassandra lives in NY. Larissa and Cassandra met in NC. They went to high school together at Robinson. Cassandra moved back to NY with her mom and shortly after, we moved back to RI. I made plans with Cassandra's mom to have her come spend the weekend with Larissa...as a surprise. Then I tormented Larissa a little. I told her that her surprise started with the letter "C" and that it was something she had in NC and she was really sad when she didn't have it anymore. She had everyone trying to guess what it was. I tried to get her off any idea that it might be a person.
That was the easy part. Larissa, of course, wanted to make plans because it was her birthday. That put some stress on me to continue to keep her secret but not mess things up. I paid for Cassandra to come in on the train after discussing it with her mother. Today, it all went downhill...lol. The kiosk's were down at Penn Station so everyone missed their trains. If that wasn't bad enough, they realized once they got to Penn Station that Cassandra had left her ID at home. Poor Susan (Cassandra's mom), was trying to make it all work. I got a call at work at 1pm saying that she was going to drive Cassandra here. I couldn't allow her to waste all that time and gas because for her, it was going to be a round trip. I thought about meeting her half way and then it hit me...the bus. Larissa and I used to take the bus into NY all the time. So for $25 we got Cassandra on the 4pm bus to Providence. But it's NY and it was Friday so the bus didn't actually leave until 4:45. And with traffic, it actually did not arrive in Providence until almost 9:30. I am sure that Larissa was totally aggravated at this point about her surprise, wondering what on earth it might be. It was worth all the aggravation though because the moment when she opened her eyes and saw Cassandra was priceless. I could have made the commercial myself...lol.
$145 Round trip Train fair from NY to Providence and back
$25 One way trip from NY to Providence after the train was missed
Seeing my daughter scream and cry when she saw Cassandra....PRICELESS !
Larissa, I love you more than you will ever know. It has been an adventurous 17 years. You have been anything but boring...lol. We have definately had our ups and downs. There are times when I wonder if we will kill each other with our stubborn ways but at the end of it all, I couldn't ask for a better daughter. I love your bright personality and the incredible heart that you have. It has been amazing watching you grow from a tiny little baby, to an active toddler, to a bubbly young girl, to a creative teen and now into a beautiful and amazing young lady. I love you always!
Each year, for as long as I can remember, I wake up my birthday child with a candle in something to sing Happy Birthday and I usually get a picture. I have used to pretty creative things too. I have used cupcakes, oreo cookies, Ring Dings, pancakes, toast and a list of other things. This year was no different. Here is the picture of Larissa's birthday awakening.
It is not a great picture, as most are not but they are memories. Memories that I will cherish forever. Tradition that I have already heard Nathan and Larissa speak of to friends. A tradition that I will try to uphold as long as I can.
I wanted to get her something special and something that wouldn't end up in the garbage in future years. I have been a decluttering bug and the last I want is to bring more unnecessary things into the house. So, I had the perfect plan. Larissa's friend Cassandra lives in NY. Larissa and Cassandra met in NC. They went to high school together at Robinson. Cassandra moved back to NY with her mom and shortly after, we moved back to RI. I made plans with Cassandra's mom to have her come spend the weekend with Larissa...as a surprise. Then I tormented Larissa a little. I told her that her surprise started with the letter "C" and that it was something she had in NC and she was really sad when she didn't have it anymore. She had everyone trying to guess what it was. I tried to get her off any idea that it might be a person.
That was the easy part. Larissa, of course, wanted to make plans because it was her birthday. That put some stress on me to continue to keep her secret but not mess things up. I paid for Cassandra to come in on the train after discussing it with her mother. Today, it all went downhill...lol. The kiosk's were down at Penn Station so everyone missed their trains. If that wasn't bad enough, they realized once they got to Penn Station that Cassandra had left her ID at home. Poor Susan (Cassandra's mom), was trying to make it all work. I got a call at work at 1pm saying that she was going to drive Cassandra here. I couldn't allow her to waste all that time and gas because for her, it was going to be a round trip. I thought about meeting her half way and then it hit me...the bus. Larissa and I used to take the bus into NY all the time. So for $25 we got Cassandra on the 4pm bus to Providence. But it's NY and it was Friday so the bus didn't actually leave until 4:45. And with traffic, it actually did not arrive in Providence until almost 9:30. I am sure that Larissa was totally aggravated at this point about her surprise, wondering what on earth it might be. It was worth all the aggravation though because the moment when she opened her eyes and saw Cassandra was priceless. I could have made the commercial myself...lol.
$145 Round trip Train fair from NY to Providence and back
$25 One way trip from NY to Providence after the train was missed
Seeing my daughter scream and cry when she saw Cassandra....PRICELESS !
Larissa, I love you more than you will ever know. It has been an adventurous 17 years. You have been anything but boring...lol. We have definately had our ups and downs. There are times when I wonder if we will kill each other with our stubborn ways but at the end of it all, I couldn't ask for a better daughter. I love your bright personality and the incredible heart that you have. It has been amazing watching you grow from a tiny little baby, to an active toddler, to a bubbly young girl, to a creative teen and now into a beautiful and amazing young lady. I love you always!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
RIP Sophia
Dreams are great. They give us something to strive for, something to work for. But sometimes we get lost in our dreams to the point that we forget to live for today. Life is short. There is so much we want to do and to accomplish. The things that we add to our bucket list to do someday. What if someday never comes. Morbid thought, I know, but true nonetheless.
Jose and I have dreams. We hope to our own home, a home that the kids can remember spending time in and growing up in. Nathan and Larissa remember Beetle St but CJ just remembers being everywhere. We hope to establish ourselves in jobs that we can have longevity in. We have things we would like for our house that we will have. We want to grow old gracefully and be comfortable. We want to be able to see our grandkids grow up. We want to be able to travel. Great dreams to have. Great dreams to strive for. Dreams to be fulfilled in the future.
Believe it or not, I had all that written yesterday and this morning I found out that a dear friend in Egypt had passed away this weekend. Sophia was my age. She had a daughter that is Larissa's age. The two girls actually are friends too. Sophia had moved to Egypt in 2005 to be with her husband. They tried living a life there but it was hard for them being Americans. She did all that she could. This past year, she felt the struggle of her daughter and brought her to the states so that she could graduate high school and lead as normal a life as she could. Her daughter, Marsella, is devestated to say the least. She feels horrible to have left her mother in Egypt alone. She is now alone. The news hit me like a ton of bricks.
Life is never what you expect it. Tomorrow is not promised. Kiss your loved ones, spend time with them and tell them that you love them because when you are no longer here in this world, those will be things that they remember.
RIP Sophia because you were an amazing wife, mother and friend !
Jose and I have dreams. We hope to our own home, a home that the kids can remember spending time in and growing up in. Nathan and Larissa remember Beetle St but CJ just remembers being everywhere. We hope to establish ourselves in jobs that we can have longevity in. We have things we would like for our house that we will have. We want to grow old gracefully and be comfortable. We want to be able to see our grandkids grow up. We want to be able to travel. Great dreams to have. Great dreams to strive for. Dreams to be fulfilled in the future.
Believe it or not, I had all that written yesterday and this morning I found out that a dear friend in Egypt had passed away this weekend. Sophia was my age. She had a daughter that is Larissa's age. The two girls actually are friends too. Sophia had moved to Egypt in 2005 to be with her husband. They tried living a life there but it was hard for them being Americans. She did all that she could. This past year, she felt the struggle of her daughter and brought her to the states so that she could graduate high school and lead as normal a life as she could. Her daughter, Marsella, is devestated to say the least. She feels horrible to have left her mother in Egypt alone. She is now alone. The news hit me like a ton of bricks.
Life is never what you expect it. Tomorrow is not promised. Kiss your loved ones, spend time with them and tell them that you love them because when you are no longer here in this world, those will be things that they remember.
RIP Sophia because you were an amazing wife, mother and friend !
Monday, September 26, 2011
What Has Been Going On?
So what have I been up to and why have I not had time to blog? I am finally back into the working world and much happier too. I think that I thrive in this caotic enviornment I guess...lol. The hustle and bustle of crazy mornings followed by a full day of work and back to the hustle and bustle of the evenings just seem to be who I am. Unfortunately, I need to find a routine to get back to blogging because it seems to have taken a back burner to everything else.
The kids are settling into their schools. Larissa is working harder than I have ever seen her work and I am so proud of her. Nathan has been working harder too. CJ is adjusting to being at school all day long without a nap. He has come home and crashed several times. I am loving my new job and having two incomes again is making life much easier on us. We are setting a plan into action now on how to save and what we can pay off. Life is good right now and I need to keep that in persepective.
Of course I am missing North Carolina too. I miss my wonderful friends that we made there that are like family to us. I miss our home. The home that we were finally going to purchase and call our own. The home that CJ would remember growing up in. It's a little hard to swallow that all that has changed but everything happens for a reason and I know that.
Jose's mom is doing well...as well as can be expected. She has been doing her chemo and she is soon getting ready to do the bone marrow transplant. She has held up really well up until now. She is a strong woman. I pray she continues to have the strength she needs to get through this.
Last night I spent some much needed time talking to God. I had to let him know how much I was thankful for everything that we have. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed. I have three amazing children who are healthy and smart. I have the most amazing man in my life who is my soul mate in every sense of the word. We share dreams and desires. We respect each other. Everything else will just fall into place. Thank you God for making all this possible.
The kids are settling into their schools. Larissa is working harder than I have ever seen her work and I am so proud of her. Nathan has been working harder too. CJ is adjusting to being at school all day long without a nap. He has come home and crashed several times. I am loving my new job and having two incomes again is making life much easier on us. We are setting a plan into action now on how to save and what we can pay off. Life is good right now and I need to keep that in persepective.
Of course I am missing North Carolina too. I miss my wonderful friends that we made there that are like family to us. I miss our home. The home that we were finally going to purchase and call our own. The home that CJ would remember growing up in. It's a little hard to swallow that all that has changed but everything happens for a reason and I know that.
Jose's mom is doing well...as well as can be expected. She has been doing her chemo and she is soon getting ready to do the bone marrow transplant. She has held up really well up until now. She is a strong woman. I pray she continues to have the strength she needs to get through this.
Last night I spent some much needed time talking to God. I had to let him know how much I was thankful for everything that we have. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed. I have three amazing children who are healthy and smart. I have the most amazing man in my life who is my soul mate in every sense of the word. We share dreams and desires. We respect each other. Everything else will just fall into place. Thank you God for making all this possible.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The 1st Day of School
The summer seems to have gone on forever with me, especially since the 1st day of school was postponed a whole week thanks to Hurricane Irene. The kids all started school this Tuesday though. They are all enjoying school.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.
Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.
Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.
He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.
Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.
Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.
Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.
He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.
Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Happy Birthday Devmani
I wanted to take the time to wish my oldest godson a very happy birthday. He has always been in my life and I hope that he always will. I hope to continue to grow my relationship with him as he gets older. I love you so much sweetie. I hope you have the most amazing day filled with family and friends.
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