Dreams are great. They give us something to strive for, something to work for. But sometimes we get lost in our dreams to the point that we forget to live for today. Life is short. There is so much we want to do and to accomplish. The things that we add to our bucket list to do someday. What if someday never comes. Morbid thought, I know, but true nonetheless.
Jose and I have dreams. We hope to our own home, a home that the kids can remember spending time in and growing up in. Nathan and Larissa remember Beetle St but CJ just remembers being everywhere. We hope to establish ourselves in jobs that we can have longevity in. We have things we would like for our house that we will have. We want to grow old gracefully and be comfortable. We want to be able to see our grandkids grow up. We want to be able to travel. Great dreams to have. Great dreams to strive for. Dreams to be fulfilled in the future.
Believe it or not, I had all that written yesterday and this morning I found out that a dear friend in Egypt had passed away this weekend. Sophia was my age. She had a daughter that is Larissa's age. The two girls actually are friends too. Sophia had moved to Egypt in 2005 to be with her husband. They tried living a life there but it was hard for them being Americans. She did all that she could. This past year, she felt the struggle of her daughter and brought her to the states so that she could graduate high school and lead as normal a life as she could. Her daughter, Marsella, is devestated to say the least. She feels horrible to have left her mother in Egypt alone. She is now alone. The news hit me like a ton of bricks.
Life is never what you expect it. Tomorrow is not promised. Kiss your loved ones, spend time with them and tell them that you love them because when you are no longer here in this world, those will be things that they remember.
RIP Sophia because you were an amazing wife, mother and friend !
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
What Has Been Going On?
So what have I been up to and why have I not had time to blog? I am finally back into the working world and much happier too. I think that I thrive in this caotic enviornment I guess...lol. The hustle and bustle of crazy mornings followed by a full day of work and back to the hustle and bustle of the evenings just seem to be who I am. Unfortunately, I need to find a routine to get back to blogging because it seems to have taken a back burner to everything else.
The kids are settling into their schools. Larissa is working harder than I have ever seen her work and I am so proud of her. Nathan has been working harder too. CJ is adjusting to being at school all day long without a nap. He has come home and crashed several times. I am loving my new job and having two incomes again is making life much easier on us. We are setting a plan into action now on how to save and what we can pay off. Life is good right now and I need to keep that in persepective.
Of course I am missing North Carolina too. I miss my wonderful friends that we made there that are like family to us. I miss our home. The home that we were finally going to purchase and call our own. The home that CJ would remember growing up in. It's a little hard to swallow that all that has changed but everything happens for a reason and I know that.
Jose's mom is doing well...as well as can be expected. She has been doing her chemo and she is soon getting ready to do the bone marrow transplant. She has held up really well up until now. She is a strong woman. I pray she continues to have the strength she needs to get through this.
Last night I spent some much needed time talking to God. I had to let him know how much I was thankful for everything that we have. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed. I have three amazing children who are healthy and smart. I have the most amazing man in my life who is my soul mate in every sense of the word. We share dreams and desires. We respect each other. Everything else will just fall into place. Thank you God for making all this possible.
The kids are settling into their schools. Larissa is working harder than I have ever seen her work and I am so proud of her. Nathan has been working harder too. CJ is adjusting to being at school all day long without a nap. He has come home and crashed several times. I am loving my new job and having two incomes again is making life much easier on us. We are setting a plan into action now on how to save and what we can pay off. Life is good right now and I need to keep that in persepective.
Of course I am missing North Carolina too. I miss my wonderful friends that we made there that are like family to us. I miss our home. The home that we were finally going to purchase and call our own. The home that CJ would remember growing up in. It's a little hard to swallow that all that has changed but everything happens for a reason and I know that.
Jose's mom is doing well...as well as can be expected. She has been doing her chemo and she is soon getting ready to do the bone marrow transplant. She has held up really well up until now. She is a strong woman. I pray she continues to have the strength she needs to get through this.
Last night I spent some much needed time talking to God. I had to let him know how much I was thankful for everything that we have. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed. I have three amazing children who are healthy and smart. I have the most amazing man in my life who is my soul mate in every sense of the word. We share dreams and desires. We respect each other. Everything else will just fall into place. Thank you God for making all this possible.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The 1st Day of School
The summer seems to have gone on forever with me, especially since the 1st day of school was postponed a whole week thanks to Hurricane Irene. The kids all started school this Tuesday though. They are all enjoying school.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.
Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.
Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.
He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.
Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.
Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.
Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.
He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.
Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Happy Birthday Devmani
I wanted to take the time to wish my oldest godson a very happy birthday. He has always been in my life and I hope that he always will. I hope to continue to grow my relationship with him as he gets older. I love you so much sweetie. I hope you have the most amazing day filled with family and friends.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Hurricane Irene, Diana's Bachelorette Party and Thoughts
So the worst of Hurricane Irene has passed, actually it hit us as Tropical Storm Irene. We were very lucky. According to the news, we still have another 6-8 hours of winds to finish up the tale end of the storm but the worst has passed. We managed to make it this far without losing power so I hope that we can end it with power as well. We have some large branches down in the back and we think a few more will end up going down before this is over. Sadly, the first day of school has been moved to Tuesday for Nathan and CJ and Larissa will be going Tuesday as planned...she is not happy about it though...lol.
Yesterday was Diana's Bachelorette Party and it was so nice to be with the girls once again like that. It was a celebration for Diana but we had such a great time talking about anything and everything. Laughing, eating and drinking were all part of the day. The day the ended with us going over our Bucket Lists and leaving me thinking about our accomplishments this year so far and what we still want to accomplish. Some candid talk was also part of our day. If you can't count on your closest friends to tell you like it is then I don't know who you can count on.
So after the great day of looking back and then being stuck home all day due to Hurricane Irene, it has left me with nothing to do but think. September is just around the corner and only four months left to the year. There are some things that I am still looking to accomplish this year...with a job being at the top of that list. But it has left me thinking much further down the road. The biggest question has always been...what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I don't have a job lined up yet and the kids will be returning to school on Tuesday, I have decided to go to CCRI on Tuesday and talk to someone about my goals and how to make them happen. I know that I won't be able to go back to school until January the earliest because it's already too late for this semester and I don't have the money since I am not working but I need to find out what will be ahead when I am ready.. I just want to look over what I have and what I need to get to...well, to get where I want to go. So that leaves me thinking about where I want to go with my life. It's time to talk to someone who understands education more than I do and have a conversation about being a big girl...lol. I think that it's only fair for me to have a plan since I am expecting the same of my daughter who is a senior. So that is what it weighing heavy on my mind at this time.
Yesterday was Diana's Bachelorette Party and it was so nice to be with the girls once again like that. It was a celebration for Diana but we had such a great time talking about anything and everything. Laughing, eating and drinking were all part of the day. The day the ended with us going over our Bucket Lists and leaving me thinking about our accomplishments this year so far and what we still want to accomplish. Some candid talk was also part of our day. If you can't count on your closest friends to tell you like it is then I don't know who you can count on.
So after the great day of looking back and then being stuck home all day due to Hurricane Irene, it has left me with nothing to do but think. September is just around the corner and only four months left to the year. There are some things that I am still looking to accomplish this year...with a job being at the top of that list. But it has left me thinking much further down the road. The biggest question has always been...what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I don't have a job lined up yet and the kids will be returning to school on Tuesday, I have decided to go to CCRI on Tuesday and talk to someone about my goals and how to make them happen. I know that I won't be able to go back to school until January the earliest because it's already too late for this semester and I don't have the money since I am not working but I need to find out what will be ahead when I am ready.. I just want to look over what I have and what I need to get to...well, to get where I want to go. So that leaves me thinking about where I want to go with my life. It's time to talk to someone who understands education more than I do and have a conversation about being a big girl...lol. I think that it's only fair for me to have a plan since I am expecting the same of my daughter who is a senior. So that is what it weighing heavy on my mind at this time.
Monday, August 22, 2011
My Balance
This weekend I had a melt down. A meltdown over something so small that I don't even remember what it was. I lie, I do remember but I am too embarrassed to admit it. You see, the ice-cream truck comes every single day at noon and again at 4:30 and parks right in front of my house for about 5 minutes. I don't mind getting ice-cream for the kids but I am not working and spending the money they charge on ice-cream each day so that this ice-cream truck driver can put his kids through school is not my idea of how we are going to get through this tough time. So I said no and CJ had a tantrum which seemed to go on forever because the damn truck wouldn't go away with the musical song it plays through it's duration. That was it. And it went downhill from there.
At the end of my melt down because I obviously thought I had not effected my family enough, I did the one thing that I had never done before...I turned my anger at Jose. Being the most amazing man in the world, he let me finish my own tantrum and then calmly talked to me. He understands how it wasn't about the ice-cream truck at all but about everything. The move after move, the unpacking, the being home with the kids all summer, the endless appointments to get them ready for school, my weight and most importantly...my unemployment situation.
We all have a balance in our lives that keep us sane. Everyone's balance is different depending on your life. My balance has always been about home and work. I have said it a million times over and I will say it again...I give the stay at home moms the biggest credit in the world. I have always worked though. I have always been independent and I have a desire to become something in addition to my wonderful role of trying to be the best mother possible, which I was far from this weekend. My job has always grounded me by bringing in the balance. Being away all day, working hard and discovering who I am and what I want to be, only made me a better person and allowed me to walk through my doors with a clear head and open arms. I don't have that sanity right now. The past couple of months have just gotten worst as the time goes on. My search for a job continues but I have had no offers and it has added a great amount of stress on my part.
Not having a job throws off my balance. Much like not having my children throws off my balance or Jose being away throws off my balance. Those are norms in my life and when something is shifted, the tower is likely to fall. I fell this weekend.
Jose reassured me that just like everything else, we will get through this too. We have been through a lot in the past couple of years. It doesn't help that I was also sick this weekend and that just added to my feeling like crap...lol. I am better today and trying to stay focused on the things that need to be done before school starts next week. I have middle school open house today, Kindergarten open house and orientation tomorrow and Nathan's dr's appointment on Wednesday. Wednesday is also Jose's birthday and I had wanted to throw a big surprise party for him for his 30th but with me not working, that just can't happen which really disappoints me.
I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason so I am going to remember that and realize that there is a reason that I have not found a job yet. I need to really try to enjoy this last week of summer vacation with my kids because it is coming to a close very quickly. Thank you all for enduring my endless rant about the my off balance life.
At the end of my melt down because I obviously thought I had not effected my family enough, I did the one thing that I had never done before...I turned my anger at Jose. Being the most amazing man in the world, he let me finish my own tantrum and then calmly talked to me. He understands how it wasn't about the ice-cream truck at all but about everything. The move after move, the unpacking, the being home with the kids all summer, the endless appointments to get them ready for school, my weight and most importantly...my unemployment situation.
We all have a balance in our lives that keep us sane. Everyone's balance is different depending on your life. My balance has always been about home and work. I have said it a million times over and I will say it again...I give the stay at home moms the biggest credit in the world. I have always worked though. I have always been independent and I have a desire to become something in addition to my wonderful role of trying to be the best mother possible, which I was far from this weekend. My job has always grounded me by bringing in the balance. Being away all day, working hard and discovering who I am and what I want to be, only made me a better person and allowed me to walk through my doors with a clear head and open arms. I don't have that sanity right now. The past couple of months have just gotten worst as the time goes on. My search for a job continues but I have had no offers and it has added a great amount of stress on my part.
Not having a job throws off my balance. Much like not having my children throws off my balance or Jose being away throws off my balance. Those are norms in my life and when something is shifted, the tower is likely to fall. I fell this weekend.
Jose reassured me that just like everything else, we will get through this too. We have been through a lot in the past couple of years. It doesn't help that I was also sick this weekend and that just added to my feeling like crap...lol. I am better today and trying to stay focused on the things that need to be done before school starts next week. I have middle school open house today, Kindergarten open house and orientation tomorrow and Nathan's dr's appointment on Wednesday. Wednesday is also Jose's birthday and I had wanted to throw a big surprise party for him for his 30th but with me not working, that just can't happen which really disappoints me.
I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason so I am going to remember that and realize that there is a reason that I have not found a job yet. I need to really try to enjoy this last week of summer vacation with my kids because it is coming to a close very quickly. Thank you all for enduring my endless rant about the my off balance life.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Returning to Work
I am ready to return to work. Actually I have been ready to return to work for a while now...lol. I give so much credit to stay at home mom's but it's just not for me. I love getting up early, dressing up, having adult interaction and being able to return home clear headed and ready to be a mom.
Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being home. I have enjoyed sleeping later and playing with the kids but I have missed...me. I feel like I am losing myself. That must sound so selfish. I know that for a lot of moms out there, this is who they are and that is great. But this is not who I am. I mean, I am a mom and I think that I am a pretty good mom but I am a better mom when I am not stressed and I am enjoying time with my children. I think that I am spending too much time trying to defend my feelings. Truthfully, they are what they are.
So I have been actively looking once again and of course, we all know the economy has not fully bounced back yet so it isn't easy. I know that something will come along. I know that any company would be lucky to have me and I know that I can I sell myself...that sounds bad but you know what I mean. I have to make myself marketable. I have another interview on Friday with another agency and I keep applying for anything out there that I am qualified for. Something is bound to fall into my lap sooner or later. I am trying to stay focused because I know that if it's meant to be that it will happen. Until then, I am happy spending my free time with my three crazy children who seem to be growing up way too quickly.
Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being home. I have enjoyed sleeping later and playing with the kids but I have missed...me. I feel like I am losing myself. That must sound so selfish. I know that for a lot of moms out there, this is who they are and that is great. But this is not who I am. I mean, I am a mom and I think that I am a pretty good mom but I am a better mom when I am not stressed and I am enjoying time with my children. I think that I am spending too much time trying to defend my feelings. Truthfully, they are what they are.
So I have been actively looking once again and of course, we all know the economy has not fully bounced back yet so it isn't easy. I know that something will come along. I know that any company would be lucky to have me and I know that I can I sell myself...that sounds bad but you know what I mean. I have to make myself marketable. I have another interview on Friday with another agency and I keep applying for anything out there that I am qualified for. Something is bound to fall into my lap sooner or later. I am trying to stay focused because I know that if it's meant to be that it will happen. Until then, I am happy spending my free time with my three crazy children who seem to be growing up way too quickly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)