The 1st Day of School

The summer seems to have gone on forever with me, especially since the 1st day of school was postponed a whole week thanks to Hurricane Irene. The kids all started school this Tuesday though. They are all enjoying school.
Larissa was the first one out the door. She was nervous but excited. It is her senior year and she is starting in a new school with all new kids. This is going to be a tough year for her but I think that she is ready to embrace it. She has had homework both days already but it's going well.

Nathan was next to go out the door. He didn't tell me but I got the feeling that he was actually more nervous than usual and I am not quite sure what the reason was for it. Yesterday we sat and talked and he has made several friends already, he likes his locker, likes his teachers and likes his seats. That was great news to hear from a 13 year old boy. I think that this might be a great year for him. It is going to be a hard year for him as well. He is starting out behind so I need to keep him on track.

Here was CJ ready for school. He was super excited. He got up, got dressed, had breakfast, let me do his hair, watched tv and couldn't stand counting down the minutes for when he would be able to take his first trip on the school bus like he has watched his sister and brother do many times in the past.

He got on the school bus without a long usual goodbye but once the bus started to move, I caught a glimpse of fear. I talked to him when he got home and he said that he was a little sad that he had to go on the bus without me but he is all over that now...lol. He loves going to school. Here is the picture I took after he was on the school bus with his head peeking out.

Larissa was the first one home since she was the first one out and she was so excited to go get CJ from the bus stop. She was the most traumatized with CJ starting school. She kept saying that he was too young and that he was too small to go on the bus by himself. She forgets that she was much smaller than him when she started. It's the over protective sister in her...lol. Here she is after coming back from the bus stop with him.

Happy Birthday Devmani

I wanted to take the time to wish my oldest godson a very happy birthday. He has always been in my life and I hope that he always will. I hope to continue to grow my relationship with him as he gets older. I love you so much sweetie. I hope you have the most amazing day filled with family and friends.

Hurricane Irene, Diana's Bachelorette Party and Thoughts

So the worst of Hurricane Irene has passed, actually it hit us as Tropical Storm Irene. We were very lucky. According to the news, we still have another 6-8 hours of winds to finish up the tale end of the storm but the worst has passed. We managed to make it this far without losing power so I hope that we can end it with power as well. We have some large branches down in the back and we think a few more will end up going down before this is over. Sadly, the first day of school has been moved to Tuesday for Nathan and CJ and Larissa will be going Tuesday as planned...she is not happy about it though...lol.

Yesterday was Diana's Bachelorette Party and it was so nice to be with the girls once again like that. It was a celebration for Diana but we had such a great time talking about anything and everything. Laughing, eating and drinking were all part of the day. The day the ended with us going over our Bucket Lists and leaving me thinking about our accomplishments this year so far and what we still want to accomplish. Some candid talk was also part of our day. If you can't count on your closest friends to tell you like it is then I don't know who you can count on.

So after the great day of looking back and then being stuck home all day due to Hurricane Irene, it has left me with nothing to do but think. September is just around the corner and only four months left to the year. There are some things that I am still looking to accomplish this year...with a job being at the top of that list. But it has left me thinking much further down the road. The biggest question has always been...what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I don't have a job lined up yet and the kids will be returning to school on Tuesday, I have decided to go to CCRI on Tuesday and talk to someone about my goals and how to make them happen. I know that I won't be able to go back to school until January the earliest because it's already too late for this semester and I don't have the money since I am not working but I need to find out what will be ahead when I am ready.. I just want to look over what I have and what I need to get to...well, to get where I want to go. So that leaves me thinking about where I want to go with my life. It's time to talk to someone who understands education more than I do and have a conversation about being a big girl...lol. I think that it's only fair for me to have a plan since I am expecting the same of my daughter who is a senior. So that is what it weighing heavy on my mind at this time.

My Balance

This weekend I had a melt down. A meltdown over something so small that I don't even remember what it was. I lie, I do remember but I am too embarrassed to admit it. You see, the ice-cream truck comes every single day at noon and again at 4:30 and parks right in front of my house for about 5 minutes. I don't mind getting ice-cream for the kids but I am not working and spending the money they charge on ice-cream each day so that this ice-cream truck driver can put his kids through school is not my idea of how we are going to get through this tough time. So I said no and CJ had a tantrum which seemed to go on forever because the damn truck wouldn't go away with the musical song it plays through it's duration. That was it. And it went downhill from there.

At the end of my melt down because I obviously thought I had not effected my family enough, I did the one thing that I had never done before...I turned my anger at Jose. Being the most amazing man in the world, he let me finish my own tantrum and then calmly talked to me. He understands how it wasn't about the ice-cream truck at all but about everything. The move after move, the unpacking, the being home with the kids all summer, the endless appointments to get them ready for school, my weight and most importantly...my unemployment situation.

We all have a balance in our lives that keep us sane. Everyone's balance is different depending on your life. My balance has always been about home and work. I have said it a million times over and I will say it again...I give the stay at home moms the biggest credit in the world. I have always worked though. I have always been independent and I have a desire to become something in addition to my wonderful role of trying to be the best mother possible, which I was far from this weekend. My job has always grounded me by bringing in the balance. Being away all day, working hard and discovering who I am and what I want to be, only made me a better person and allowed me to walk through my doors with a clear head and open arms. I don't have that sanity right now. The past couple of months have just gotten worst as the time goes on. My search for a job continues but I have had no offers and it has added a great amount of stress on my part.

Not having a job throws off my balance. Much like not having my children throws off my balance or Jose being away throws off my balance. Those are norms in my life and when something is shifted, the tower is likely to fall. I fell this weekend.

Jose reassured me that just like everything else, we will get through this too. We have been through a lot in the past couple of years. It doesn't help that I was also sick this weekend and that just added to my feeling like crap...lol. I am better today and trying to stay focused on the things that need to be done before school starts next week. I have middle school open house today, Kindergarten open house and orientation tomorrow and Nathan's dr's appointment on Wednesday. Wednesday is also Jose's birthday and I had wanted to throw a big surprise party for him for his 30th but with me not working, that just can't happen which really disappoints me.

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason so I am going to remember that and realize that there is a reason that I have not found a job yet. I need to really try to enjoy this last week of summer vacation with my kids because it is coming to a close very quickly. Thank you all for enduring my endless rant about the my off balance life.

Returning to Work

I am ready to return to work. Actually I have been ready to return to work for a while now...lol. I give so much credit to stay at home mom's but it's just not for me. I love getting up early, dressing up, having adult interaction and being able to return home clear headed and ready to be a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being home. I have enjoyed sleeping later and playing with the kids but I have missed...me. I feel like I am losing myself. That must sound so selfish. I know that for a lot of moms out there, this is who they are and that is great. But this is not who I am. I mean, I am a mom and I think that I am a pretty good mom but I am a better mom when I am not stressed and I am enjoying time with my children. I think that I am spending too much time trying to defend my feelings. Truthfully, they are what they are.

So I have been actively looking once again and of course, we all know the economy has not fully bounced back yet so it isn't easy. I know that something will come along. I know that any company would be lucky to have me and I know that I can I sell myself...that sounds bad but you know what I mean. I have to make myself marketable. I have another interview on Friday with another agency and I keep applying for anything out there that I am qualified for. Something is bound to fall into my lap sooner or later. I am trying to stay focused because I know that if it's meant to be that it will happen. Until then, I am happy spending my free time with my three crazy children who seem to be growing up way too quickly.

Slow & Steady Wins the Race

So for those of you that don't know, I am attempting to get healthier. I have been trying to do this for a few years but this time I just decided to jump in. I just started on Tuesday. I have been doing a workout routine every day so far but I will not be disappointed if there is a day that I can't find time to do it. Along with the exercise, I am also changing other small things. I have been drinking a LOT more water. That is actually an understatement since I actually don't like water and have never been able to do drink a lot of it. Now I am drinking close to 14 glasses a day at 16 oz each. That is pretty good. And the more I drink, the more my body craves it. That is one craving that I can give in to.
I also wanted to add that today was Diana's shower and I was a bit worried but totally prepared to not eat as healthy as I have been trying to. Well I think that I did great. I had fresh fruit, one pancake and a fruit & yogurt parfait (is that how you spell that?). Then it was time for her to cut her cake and it was....cheesecake. I did great though. I took two bites. It was the best cheesecake that I have ever tasted but the two spoonfuls were enough to kill my cravings. We went out for drinks afterwards too and again I think that I made some decent choices. I had a Corona Light instead of a calorie packed Margarita. I did however have loaded nachos, which I am sure had some loaded calories but since that was basically my lunch, I think it was ok. Now it is past dinner time and I have to admit that I am still not hungry. I am once again having another glass of water to quench my thirst because my body is asking for it. I am getting ready to do my 20 minute intense workout for the second time today so I am feeling really good today !
I hope that I can keep this up.

Getting Back on Track

It has been a while since I wrote last. Since the last post, we have moved to RI to our wonderful new home. I get asked a lot if I like being back in RI and my answer is almost always the same...I still feel like I am on vacation. Although Jose goes off to work each day, I am home and the kids are home so it doens't quite feel like our normal lives.

Our house is great. It is starting to feel like home. Jose did an amazing job picking out the house. It really is us. The neighborhood is family oriented and great but we have yet to branch out and really meet our neighbors which are a majority our ages. There are tons of kids in the neighborhood but since the kids have not started school yet, they have not forged relationships yet either. I have a few pics of the house that I will post on here. They were taken a few weeks ago and some progress has been made since then. My biggest issue is that I just want to throw things out...lol. I know that sounds weird but with each move we have tried to downsize our stuff regardless of the space that we are moving to. In this last case we moved to a much bigger space than we had, or at least I think that it is because that is how it feels. But even with all the stuff that we got rid of, we still have so much shit in boxes...please excuse my french...lol. I have a lot more unpacked than I did in the last move but it still feels like too much stuff. I really need to find a way to get rid of everything I don't want. I have learned that I am happier with just a few things that I love instead of a ton of junk that I just like. Who would have thought...lol?

The kids are adjusting. Larissa will be a senior at Lincoln High School and she is going to summer school right now for Geometry. She has a packed schedule as a senior. All her classes are classes that she needs to pass in order to graduate and that is not normal for Larissa. It will not be an easy year to say the least but her advisor is amazing and has complete faith that together we can all make this happen. Nathan will be entering 8th grade and he too will be presented with a struggle from the beginning. He failed English and Math last year so he will be starting behind also. I have met with his advisor as well and she is going to be watching him from the beginning to make sure that he gets the extra help that he needs before it is too late. CJ will be starting Kindergarten this year as well. I went to his school and registered him. It seems really nice. He is excited about riding the school bus...lol. Over all the school systems seem amazing and I am impressed. One of the main reasons that we moved was because of the education and at this point, I am feeling like that might have been a mistake. That is a whole other post all together though and it is too soon for me to make any decisions or any remarks about the school system.

I am not working yet but will be looking for something soon. I give stay at home moms so much credit for all of their hard work but it is just not a job for me. I love having this time with my children but I feel that I am a much better mother when I have been away and have much more patience with them. Being away makes me sane and able to deal with the trials of the house and family. Being in the house all day long and then all night long has slowly began driving me insane.

I feel that this post is long enough now so here are some pics:
LARISSA'S ROOM

THE BOYS ROOM

OUR BEDROOM

OUR BATHROOM

OUR LIVING ROOM