Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a minute in the wee hours of the morning to wish everyone in blogland a very Merry Christmas. I couldn't sleep last night so I am up and on my second cup of coffee waiting for everyone to wake up. It is nice to have the house all to myself. Everything is perfect too. The presents are all wrapped and under the tree, well not really under the tree, more like around the tree because there are so many. Surprisingly, we didn't spend a lot this year at all. Thanks to my bonus at work, we could have but we decided against it because well....we just don't need it. So instead of going into the new year broke, we might have a tiny bit in the bank. I like the thought of that.

Hope that you and yours have an amazing Christmas filled with laughter and love.

Amazing Kids !

I am pretty lucky as far as this season goes and as far as being a mother with great children. I am almost done wrapping all of my presents but in doing so, I realized something. My kids are beyond amazing. My kids didn't ask for much at all. I mean seriously.

Larissa is 16 and what did she ask for? She asked for a new straightener. Not one of those $100+ straighteners either but a $17 one from Walgreens. It happens to be the one that she prefers after using the more expensive ones from her friends. And she asked for hair bows, make-up and paint & brushes. That's it !


Nathan is 12, he will be 13 in April and what did he ask for? He asked for Gir clothes, a sticker for his skateboard and a membership to an online game that is $20. Again, that's it. Nothing else. I made the two oldest write letters to Santa with CJ and that was what Nathan wrote with a note at the bottom saying "and anything else that you want to surprise me with". That's it ! (NAthan doesn't smile unless I tickle him for pics...lol)


CJ is 4. The world is at his fingertips and toy commercials are everywhere. What did he ask for? He asked for a car and a wagon. That is it !


I know that Christmas is not about the gifts or the money but kids don't usually get it. They want what they want and that is it. I am so proud of my kids for not being materialistic. Yesterday Nathan and Larissa's father sent them a box for Christmas. Don't fall over, yes, he actually sent something for the first time....EVER. He got Larissa a kindle from his job and sent Nathan $40. He got the kindle for $40 from his job so it really is equal. So I was talking to Nathan about what he was going to spend the money on and he couldn't come with anything. Do you know what he said...."BACON". It's no secret that Nathan loves bacon but seriously! A 12 year old can't find anything better to spend his money on. We talked for a while and there really was nothing that he wants. He told me he has everything he needs. It took everything in my power not to cry. And Larissa was happy with her kindle but she would have been just as happy with anything. She actually said that she could have just gotten money like Nathan so that she could buy more make-up and hair accessories. The kindle is great but now she has to buy books for it. What are the odds she can hand over the kindle to me...wink, wink, wink...lol. And lastly, CJ sees all the advertisements and doesn't get sucked into them all at the age of 4. Maybe he is following the example of his incredible brother and sister.

So I don't even know where to begin with being thankful and grateful for my wonderful children that don't require a lot or ask for a lot. The kids that they have turned into make me the proudest mother of all time. I love you guys.

My Mother

So sometimes I get people that don't know me ask about my mom or my family in general. I tell them a condensed version and they apologize. Other times I get people who do know me ask about my mom. They ask if I have talked to her at all and when I say "no", they apologize. People always feel the need to apologize. I have always had the same response though. I don't want anyone to feel bad. I am really ok with what has happened. At least I thought I was ok until this weekend.
Truthfully, I know that I am ok but I had a bump in the road this weekend that sort of knocked me off my feet. For some reason I was thinking of the day she left. The day she actually packed up all her stuff and walked out the door. The day she walked away and never looked back. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She never looked back. She doesn't even acknowledge me. Wow! Don't get me wrong, I am not surprised. I actually knew it would be like this but maybe deep down inside, I hoped it wouldn't be. I don't want a relationship with my mother right now, not sure if I ever will because she has hurt me too much and my children too much but it kills me that she is acting as if I don't exist...as if I never existed. After everything. After risking it all to come to this country with me to keep me safe. After bringing me here to prevent my father from taking me from her. After taking care of me and then me taking care of her. After years of it just being her and I....she just walks away. Simple. Easy. Done.
I am not sure which emotion is the strongest in me now. I think that pissed certainly stands out the most. Right now the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that she is acting as though I did something wrong. It's not just that she is ignoring me but she is excluding me....not just from her life but from my brother and my sisters too.
Since she left for Portugal, things have not been the same between me and my brother and my sister. My brother tries hard to convince me that it's not anything that she says. On the kids birthdays I get emails from him a day or two later telling me how sorry he is that he didn't call but he got tied up at work. Like he doesn't have a wife and children that can call to say Happy Birthday. My sister never called so that doesn't surprise me as much but since she has been staying with her, I am sure she is the one getting more than an earful about me and all that I did wrong in her eyes. The deal with my brother has really gotten to me though. After insisting that nothing would change between us, it has. Not only have the calls stopped but so have the cards. Each year they would send the kids a card on their birthdays and mine too and I haven't seen one this year at all. So I know and it hurts. It hurts that my own mother is doing this to me. It hurts that she was able to walk away and not look back as if I intentionally hurt her. I did everything I could for things not to end up the way they did. I am not sure if it's because of the holidays or just a timing issue but it hurts more than I really want it to. She doesn't deserve to get this emotion from me. I don't want her to make me feel this way. I have actually managed to surpress it this whole time and it just sort of snuck up on me now. I know this is a temporary thing and it too will pass but right now, it's a lingering feeling that I wish I wasn't feeling.

Another Busy Weekend Planned

So this weekend appears to be much like the past couple of weekends. Thankfully, as full as my weekends have been, they have been full with friends and joy. Tomorrow I am only working a half day...can I get an AMEN !
Tomorrow I will be heading out of work at noon and then doing a little bit of shopping by myself in the afternoon. Then I am meeting Dawn and we are going to hang out together for a bit and have a few drinks and then we are heading to Cassie's for Ladies Night. I can't tell you how much I look forward to Ladies Nights but I do wish more of my girls were going to be there. The holidays are a tough time to get everyone together though.
Saturday will start with a trip to Lowe's Build & Grow workshop with CJ to make the final part of his train. Then it will probably continue with some much needed alone time with Jose...SHOPPING. Yes, I know, that is not my idea of quality time. If it were my choice I would be doing anything but shopping but Jose will keep me grounded as I start getting claustrophobic and aggrivated with the shopping. I am sure that we will need to stop for lunch and that will make the whole thing worth it. You see...this is the first year that I am SO far behind in my shopping. We are basically going to do all our shopping in one day. For someone who doesn't like to shop...this is going to be insane. But we will get through it together. The evening will end with a gathering at Jill & John's for poker for the guys and some more girl time for the ladies (the kids will be there too but they will be playing together).
Then Sunday I have to take the kids to the dollar store so they can get some little things for each other. And the rest of Sunday will be spent wrapping. I will need strength from God to get me through the wrapping so I think that it is only approriate that I am doing it on Sunday...lol. I think that I need to plan to cook a roast first thing in the morning so that we can have something to pick on all day long. I love the smell of a roast cooking in the oven on a Sunday. It is such a great homey feeling to me.

So that's it. That is what my weekend has in store for me. That is what I have to look forward to. I guess I am a pretty lucky lady. I hope that you all have a weekend filled with as much fun too !

My Amazing Kids

In the craziness of this holiday season, I want to take some time to share with you all what has been going on with my kiddos. After all, they are what keeps my world spinning...sometimes out of control...lol.

Last week I got a call at work from Nathan asking me where we keep the vaccuum. From the question alone, you can tell that it's not something he uses on a regular basis. Then he called back to ask where our lint roller is. Another strange question. So I asked him why he needed these things and he told me that I would see when I got home. Of course my first thought was that he was cleaning and then knowing my son, as I thought I did, I started to think of other things. Did he make a mess that he was cleaning before we got home? Was it something for his Science class? Turns out that he really was cleaning. He has vaccuumed all the rugs, swept all the floors, made all the beds, cleaned all the tables and was looking for the lint roller to pass over my bedspread because it is brown and you could see the cat hair on it. Not even I do that...lol. I just simply put it in the washer. He totally surprised me. He didn't do it because I asked him. He didn't do it because he wanted something. He just did it to surprise me. Surprised I was and for a moment I knew that I must be doing something right in raising him.
On another note, I have been struggling with Nathan and his grades this year. That is probably putting it mildly. I feel like we are both swimming upstream trying to get him to where he should be. There have been several visits to the school and hours spent making sure all his work is done and tests are studied for. Somehow it's just not enough though. The work is being done but there's more to it that I don't know about or the worst thing of all...he isn't handing things in. I know that many of us have struggled with this same issue. I went through it with Larissa too but not to this extent. I just don't understand. You did the work, why wouldn't you want to get the credit for it. I even have a school counselor working with him to see if it's something more than I can see myself. But he is a great kid and tolerates all my nagging and brilliant new ideas to try to help him.

Larissa had her play this past weekend. The name of it was "Thank you for flusing my head in the toilet"...yes, I am serious. The play was moving. I had heard so much about it through Larissa. I knew many of lines but the performance was just...it brought chills to my body. Not just her performance (of course I thought she was wonderful) but everyone's performance. The play is about bullying and it sends a very blunt and clear message about the things going on in schools that other students, teachers and even parents tend to miss. They have been asked to perform this play in other high schools in our county to pass the message along. I am going to ask the theatre teacher if there is a possibility to have it recorded so that I can share it with you all but I don't know if it's possible. I was so proud of the kids....all of them. But I am especially proud of Larissa. She has really enjoyed every aspect of theatre. She is not in it to simply act but learn all there is about putting on a production. If you remember when she was part of Beauty & the Beast last year, she did lighting, ushering and became familiar with the directing. She has already been told that she will not be acting in the Spring musical, which I know must be somewhat disappointing since she can sing...really well. But that is to give all the kids a chance to act in the productions. She didn't seem disappointed though. She seemed excited to be able to get her hands in behind the scenes once again. She was already talking about the lighting and the sets for the stage and how they can get companies to volunteer things they need. She is really good at putting it all together...I might have a director on my hands !

CJ went for speach testing yesterday. Not because he needed to but because we wanted to have him tested before Kindergarten with enough time to work on things that might need to be worked on with enough time. I expected to hear that he was behind a little. I mean he just started talking last year. I didn't go with him because I was working but Jose took him. Turns out that he passed with flying colors. He is in the 88th percentile. That was awesome to hear. He has come such a long way. I thought he would never talk. I thought it would be an uphill battle but once he started, he just kept going. Like his two older siblings, he thrives to learn everything. He is way too indepenedent and wants to do it all himself. I guess that will make him a great independent adult some day. :o)

So in the midst of all the holiday hustle and bustle...it something nice to just have a proud moment for all three of my children. And a proud moment for Jose and I for how they are turning out. Sometimes it is so easy to really get caught up in the bad moments and the hard times but we really do have so much to be thankful for.

The Gift

I read this in one of my blogs that I read (here: http://www.livingonadime.com/gift/) and I just wanted to share it with you all because it really pulled at my heart strings.


The Gift
by Jill Cooper

She stood at the window watching the snow falling gently to the ground. Thanksgiving was over and soon it would be Christmas, her favorite time of the year. But her heart was heavy in spite of the snow and the feeling of Christmas that it should invoke. The Christmas spirit that she had felt all year long seemed to have been drained out of her with a couple of simple phone calls, each from a family member saying they didn’t want to exchange gifts this year because they couldn’t afford them.

As she turned from the window her eyes fell on her little tree standing in the corner. It’s lights twinkled ever so brightly, casting a warm glow over the small pile of gaily wrapped gifts lying under it. A smile touched her lips as she thought of each person that the gifts were for. In her mind she could see the joy and excitement on their faces as they tore open the gifts and saw what was in them.

All year, she had carefully planned their gifts and had sacrificed much time and money in order to be able to buy them. She listened to each person’s big desires and little ones and had drawn so close to them that she knew not only the things they verbally said that they wanted but also the things they hadn’t voiced. She knew she had bought each one the perfect gift — Not the most expensive gift, maybe, but the perfect one for them.

Yes, she had sacrificed a lot to buy the gifts, but because her love for each person was so great and because of the joy she felt in giving, she didn’t see it as a sacrifice at all. So what if she had to turn the heat down a couple of degrees and wear a sweater in order to be able to have a little extra to buy that special something for someone she loved. Yes, it’s nice to go out to eat at the end of a long hard day, but it’s even nicer to watch the face of a child open a present and go into rapture over his new car or to see mom get tears in her eyes because you not only remembered her favorite perfume but also how much she had longed for it.

Of course there had been times when she had looked in the store window thinking how wonderful it would be to own a dress like that, but when it came to a choice between that and the fur trimmed coat her granddaughter wanted, the coat won hands down. To see that granddaughter running towards her and throwing her arms around her once more thanking her for the new coat would make her feel more beautiful than any new dress could.

Oh, she knew there were those out there who would scold her and say she should think of herself more and do more for herself, but she just shook her head in pity for them. They had no idea what they were missing out on with that attitude.

It was that very same attitude that had caused the heaviness on her heart right now. The phone calls she had received came from people who had spent all year spending money on the things they wanted: new cars, TVs, clothes and going out to eat and now they had nothing left to give to someone else.

"When did it happen?" she wondered, "– this change in people’s thinking." What happened to the times when even a small gift was greatly appreciated because you knew the person had sacrificed so much in order to buy or make it? What happened to the times when parents, spouses and children worked so hard in order to be able to give that special gift to someone they loved? When did it become acceptable to call on your expensive cell phone, from your favorite restaurant, to let others know that you can’t buy them a gift this year because you can’t afford it? Had she been mistaken all this time in her understanding of gift giving?

With a droop in her shoulders she turns and walks toward the little tree. How could it have lost its sparkle in a matter of moments? Why do the presents under it suddenly look less gaily wrapped? With tears gently rolling down her cheeks, she stoops to turn off the tree’s lights. As she reaches for the plug, her hand accidentally brushes her Bible laying on the table.She looks up through the blur, her eyes alight upon the passage on the open page. "For God so LOVED the world that he GAVE his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

A sweet peace starts warming her heart. She begins to smile and her tears are flowing even more freely now — not from sadness, but from joy. The lights on the little tree become brighter and brighter, lighting up the whole room with it’s sparkle. The gifts under it look more beautiful than those in the most expensive department stores for, in that moment, she realizes that she wasn’t wrong to love, to sacrifice and to want to give gifts to the people she loves.

Hadn’t God Himself so loved us that He gave, with the greatest of sacrifices, the most wonderful gift, His Son. She was so glad that God hadn’t spent His time in heaven selfishly using all His resources for Himself. She was thankful that He hadn’t sent her a message saying, "Sorry, but I can’t afford to give you a gift this year."

In those few moments of heartbreak she had learned something more. She had learned what God must feel like to have the gift that He sacrificed so much to give be rejected and scorned. How hurtful to take away the blessing of giving from someone or to reject their gift.

Yes, it seemed to be popular to say, "We can’t afford to exchange gifts this year", but it didn’t matter. She would continue to love, sacrifice and give, always following her heavenly Father’s example.

The above story is fictional but I wrote it because within a week’s time I’ve heard so many people say, "We aren’t exchanging gifts because we can’t afford it". What was even more shocking was these words came from people who typically made more money in one week than I did in one year and yet I, with so much less income seemed to have no problem buying gifts for my whole family.

When I commented about this to my son, he said "Mom, what you don’t realize is that a lot of these people feel like if they can’t spend $400 or more on each person, they can’t afford it so they just don’t give at all." Once again, I see it is all in the way you look at things. If you are feeling that you can’t afford Christmas gifts this year you may want to do some soul searching.

Don’t let pride stand in the way of giving gifts to your friends and family. Instead of saying "We can’t afford it" which seems to be the acceptable and politically correct thing to say, be honest with yourself and others. Is there somewhere you could sacrifice something? If circumstances in your life have changed then maybe you could just say "I can’t afford to give what I used to give but I love giving gifts and I still want to exchange. I just can’t spend as much".

Make sure you are not just saying the words "We can’t afford it" because you are tired of the hassle of shopping and trying to figure out what people want. We don’t want people to think less of us so we say "We can’t afford it" because that sounds nicer than "I don’t want to bother with finding you a gift".

If you feel that way, then it may be that your gift giving is getting out of hand. Are you buying gifts for your hairdresser, garbage man, mailman, babysitter, and your third cousin’s fourth removed son? No wonder you are frazzled. You don’t need to explain anything to these people. Just stop buying gifts for people that aren’t close to you.

If you don’t want to mess with the gift exchange at work, just politely say you can’t do it this year. If you still feel like you have to give something and can’t say no then buy one inexpensive gift to give everyone. For example I know a woman who buys several gingerbread men every year and gives them as gifts. Young and old alike love them and they are gender friendly. They don’t cost a lot and it saves wear and tear on her nerves trying to find that perfect gift for someone she doesn’t know very well.

Seriously think through your gift giving and your reasons for or against it. Remember it really is the thought that counts and not the expense. If you don’t think that is true, then why is it that the present your child spent $1.00 of their hard earned money on and much time and energy picking out, means more than a very expensive gift given to you out of obligation by someone you don’t know very well?

So that our inbox won’t be crammed with e-mails let me end with this: I know there are times when you really and truly can’t afford to exchange gifts or maybe because of extra large families or combined families you need to draw names. That is fine. The above story isn’t describing you. You know your situation better than I and you don’t have to explain yourself to me or anyone else. Who I am talking about though, are those who sit in their favorite restaurant, where nothing on the menu is under $15, with a days worth of shopping for new clothes for themselves ($100 pair of shoes, $200 purses, $60 name brand jeans) sitting at their feet while they call to say they can’t afford to buy Christmas gifts for anyone.

Check your motives carefully and this Christmas buy your gifts with your heart and not with your pocketbook.

Catching Up A Bit

I know, I know, it's been too long. I won't even bother with excuses. Let me just catch you up on what has been going on.

The two oldest are going to drive me to drink with their issues with their school work this year so I might as well be enrolled back in school...it is a good thing that I actually like school. My nights are spend going over homework, making sure all work is complete, helping with projects and studying for tests. I know that this might sound typical of a mother with children but they are 16 and 12. They should already know how to do most of this by themselves but apparently they tripped, fell and hit their heads because they seem to have amnesia about what needs to be done and how. I guess it's partly my fault for always babying them...at least that is what Jose says. Isn't it my job as a mother to do what I can for them though? Who knows.

CJ is learning more and more each day and it amazes me. His day care provider is still a little worried about him not pronouncing the first letter in each word so I have emailed the lady who did his therapy before to see what he suggests. Maybe we can get him evaluated and find out if that is something that we need to worry about or not. It would be great if they brought him into the Long School again because now it is right down the street from our house and not where he is zoned to start Kindergarten next year. I have no idea how this zoning stuff works but it makes no sense to me at all. But honestly, he is so smart and I am not worried. He knows how to write him name, he can sing his ABC's, he knows his colors....I will have to get a list of what a child should know for Kindergarten so that I can begin to get him ready. Dala, any ideas where I can get that? I can't believe he is going to school next year already. Where has the time gone?

So aside from that, we are still making our house a home. The house has changed so much since we have been in it. We are still learning to make use of the space we have. We are discovering that we actually have a lot more space than we ever realized but we just don't know how to use it to it's potential. I feel like we are also merging design styles too. Jose and I have started to lean towards cottage white style (not country) to give a more open and clean feeling. More of a beach cottage feel, sort of...oh, who knows what it will end up like...lol. I guess the house has that feeling about it so it is sending us in that direction. I have done some research and will start adding in that style a little at a time by changing what we have with paint, fabrics and slipcovers. I am sure that it will be a lot of work but also a lot of fun watching our home turn more into a home that expresses both our styles. I am really looking forward to it but it will have to wait til after the holidays because I just can't tackle that right now.