Happy Thanksgiving

I just want to take a minute to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving. Don't forget the true meaning of Thanksgiving...giving thanks. Think of all the wondeful things in your life and all the wonderful people in your life and be thankful for it all.

Just had to share...

For those of you getting this on your phones and not being able to see pics, this is all about the pic this time so check it out when you get a chance. It is a quote that stopped me and made me think. Ok, so everything makes me think but this one really spoke to me...lol.

I saw it on this other blog http://ginger-ella.tumblr.com/archive.

I have decided.....

that I am going to learn to use a sewing machine in 2011 if it kills me ! I read so many blogs and see so many great ideas that I can't do because I can't sew ! I am going to change that !

A Prayer for Dalissa

Dear God,

Please help my very best friend through this enormously difficult time in her life. It pains me that I can't be there with her. Thank you for blessing her with a such great support system that will help ease some of her pain. Please help her to see that she is not alone as you carry her through the toughest of moments. Let her faith guide her.

She doesn't deserve this. She has always done everything the right way. Please forgive me when I ask, why can't she be spared the pain of so much heartache because of someone else's stupidity and mistakes? I know that I have to trust that this is all happening for a reason. I know that without heartache and sorrow you can never know true love and joy. I know that YOU know best. She will walk away from this much stronger and wiser but it won't be easy. Please help her to awake with a smile on her face each and every day. Help her to see that she is beautiful, strong, smart and couragous. Help her to see what we all see.

Help her to see this as a new beginning, not as an ending. This is an opportunity for her to find herself again and discover the woman she has become. The person who is lost inside her from trying to give so much of herself to "him" that she she forgot to give to herself. "He" doesn't deserve to be mentioned by name because this is about her ! This is about how beautiful she is, even though she doesn't think so because he didn't notice. This is about how infectious her smile is, even though he was the reason she stopped smiling. This is about what an amazing teacher she is, even though he never really knew that because he didn't take the time to listen. This is about what an absolutely incredible and inspirational mother she is to Dylana, even though he has her second guessing herself. This is about the woman who loves to sing at the top of her lungs, even though her songs are now sad because of him. So help her get back to herself. The vibrant woman who is a show stopper. That wild and crazy hair with a personality to match. Those lips that men go crazy about. The woman who turns heads because what is not to love about her. This will truly be a new beginning. A rebirth of some kind. And watch out world because Dalissa is coming back !!!

Christina

A Journey Continues...an update

I know what you are all thinking, that I totally slacked when it came to studying the Bible. Well, you are wrong. Although I have totally slacked with posting it here since I have not really moved on, well maybe just a little bit. You see, I have been sort of stuck. I don't know if you remember where I left off or not so I am going to refresh your memory.

I stumbled onto the idea that Eve was not actually told not to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. After doing some research I discovered that is actually what happened and I wanted to know why everything fell together the way that it did. I mean God told Adam and it was Eve that ate it and gave it to Adam but it just isn't that simple.

Upon reading tons of thoughts and opinions and scriptures relating to this question rolling around in my head, I realized that since according to God it was the man's job to guide his family and make sure that they follow the rules (I am interpretting this very loosely so please do not criticise, I guess you can call this Bible Study for Dummies...lol). So although it was Adam who did not go to the fruit and pick it himself, it was his fault that he was not able to convey the importance of it to Eve and stop her from eating of it and then of course, eating of it himself. He basically failed as head of the household. So after more reading and more questions, it has come to my attention that according to biblical scholars even if Adam had not eaten of the fruit himself, he still would have been punished for not controlling his family or wife in this case. Sort of....

Boy, I bet you that what is actually in my head is not being conveyed in writing the correct way at all but you guys all get what I am trying to say, right?

After reading all this I began to think of my own relationship,not with God this time but with Jose. Adam and Eve were the beginning of time so obviously that is as old fashioned as it gets. Me on the other hand, not so much. I am all about woman's rights and being independent. What if God intended for relationships to be like that forever. I know the world has changed and evolved but what if God did not intend for that to change. So I did some searching within myself and a LOT of praying to God. This is what I have concluded. RESPECT and TRUST. Yup, you read that right. I don't think we can take everything we read in the bible litterally, I know some of you out there will disagree with me which is why I wrote "I think". I think that the bible is a guideline set for us. I think that Adam was expected to be head of household (so to speak) and care enough for his wife that he would go out of his way to make sure that she didn't do anything to harm herself but ultimately he needed to trust that she would respect his words and follow. Eve needed to trust Adam but obviously did not respect Adam's word enough because she instead trusted the snake and followed his word. Adam and Eve did not have the respect nor the trust for each other that a relationship needs to have. Flash forward to todays world and the same is needed. We have to trust each other and respect each other. I don't think that a wife should listen to her husband and that is all. I think that trust and respect need to be there from both parties and everything else will be there too. I am happy that Jose and I have that. I feel fully that God has blessed our relationship even though it might be unconventional. I do hope to put it in writing one day but for now I am happy in knowing that we are finding our way, the right way. I know many married couples that do not have the relationship that Jose and I are blessed to have so I know we must be doing something right. We are married in the eyes of God, just not on paper. Which do you think is more important?

Which brings me to one more question that will open up a can of worms, I am sure of it. Which is better: to go to church every week faithfully and contribute to the church because that is what is expected of you but have no real relationship with God or desire to honor him OR not belong to an organized religion or go to a church regularly but have an extrememly close relationship with God because of your faith? I would choose my relationship with God each and every time. So to those of you that have asked, that is why I don't belong to an organized religion. I have but I don't feel that they are all honest and I don't feel that I agree with what they preach or that they even follow what they preach. I refuse to follow something simply because I am told. I need to follow it because it is what I believe in and want to do.

So....back to my journey. I expected to breeze through Genesis, I really did. We all know the story of the creation of the world, or do we? And how much do we really understand what God is trying to teach us in the bible? I was sure that my questions would not come until later but then again, I have never read the bible. By the way, am I suppose to capitalize the word "bible" or not? Anyways, I guess you can say that I was at a road block because I would not go on until I understood what I was reading. Now that I think I understand what I have read, not that I agree with it all but I understand it, I can move on to more info which means more questions of course...lol. This is what I was looking for though. A better understanding of the bible means a better relationship with God and therefore I can be a better person.

So I hope to post the next chapter on Sunday but if I don't, I will get to it as soon as I can. God is in my thoughts each and every day even if I don't put it in writing. When was the last time you asked yourself what place God has in your life?

A Life Gone...Just Like That.

I am going to do a bit of rambling today since I did not plan to talk about this. Shortly after arriving at work, I noticed that my daughter updated her status on FB. It read "RIP Carlos Delsalto, you'll be missed".

I remember Carlos from when Larissa went to Robinson, the high school she was at before we moved to the house we are at now. I don't really know Carlos, just from what Larissa would come home and tell me. She is always talking about her friends and although sometimes I wish I could just put her on mute, I am also thankful for that open relationship we have. I hear a LOT about ALL her friends, sometimes more than I care to know. So I remember her talking about Carlos and he seemed like a nice enough kid.

Carlos hung himself at 1am this morning. He took his life because his girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him. He was a junior in high school, just like Larissa. I am going to give you a minute to take all that in before I go on.

Ok, so that alone gave me goosebumps galore but then I started praying and thinking. I was praying for the lost boy who thought that he had nothing to live for and decided that taking his life was the only solution. I was praying for his family, particularly his parents who are probably wondering if there was anything that they could have done differently. I was praying for any the girl who acted like many teenagers do but will live with this guilt for the rest of her life. I was praying for his friends who are left behind wondering...why?!

I wonder why and how ! How can a child or teenager in this case feel like they have nothing left to live for when their whole life is ahead of them. Why do we focus so much on relationships as teenagers? I did it. I remember being there and that being my whole world. I remember the pain of break ups but I never even considered taking my life as an option. What makes someone think that way? I just don't understand. And not understanding scares me. I have a teenager and a soon to be teenager. This experience has scared the living daylights out of me. What if my children can't deal with rejection and think that they have nothing to live for regardless of what I teach them. What if I was ever faced with this. It is alarming and scary as all HELL ! Sorry for that but I don't even know how to word this. We give our kids space to deal with things. Typical teenage things like girlfriends/boyfriends breaking up with them, losing jobs, fighting with their best friends, being picked on...we have all gone through it. We expect that everyone goes through it and will get through it. But what if they don't?

I know that I have good kids but I can't help but wonder and worry. It appears as though tonight I will be sitting down with my two oldest and making sure that they understand that relationships will come and go but you have your whole life to live for. You just never know what wonderful and amazing thing is around the corner. Life is too short as it is but we need to take the time to make the most of what we have and most importantly, tell those around us that we love them.

I apologize for the sad blog today but it really is the only thing on my mind today.

My Mommy Melt-Down

I am having a really hard time writing about this. Partly because I know that by putting it on here I will be judged, partly because I still can't believe it myself and partly because it's sort of personal. But this blog is about me...the good, the bad and the ugly. I think this falls under the bad and the ugly.

I had a really bad moment with Nathan on Saturday. For those of you that don't know, Nathan is my twelve year old son but I truly am in denial about how old he is. To me, he is still 8 or 10. He has been giving me nothing but attitude and I finally snapped on Saturday. He was being rude and disrespectful to me and everyone in the family. After I snapped, my first thought was guilt and then I decided to take that opportunity to really have a grown up talk with him, trying to accept his real age of course.

On our way back from a Halloween Party on Saturday, I yelled at him for something (don't even remember what it was now) and he kept telling me to leave him alone. I told him it was my job to NOT leave him alone. He YELLED back at me to leave him alone. I told him that if he wanted to be left alone he could go live with his father (I know that was horrible but it just got worst from there). He told me that it's not like he has a choice, I won't let him. I responded with the reason the doesn't have a choice is that his father doesn't want to be a full time father and never has (another stupid comment out of sheer anger). He cried, I stressed.

When we got home I decided to talk to him calmly without yelling....what a concept, I know ! I brought Larissa in on it because she spent the summer with him and it was a real eye opener for her to see what I do for them on a daily basis. She had a very difficult time while she was there. She realized that all that I do for her is not an automatic. I do everything that I do because my family is the most important thing in my life. I do it not because I feel as though I have to but because I want to. Her father didn't do anywhere near close to the things that I do. It aslo had nothing to do with the fact that he was working...for God's sake, I work full time too, he is not the only working parent out there. She was the one cleaning up after him and cooking for him when her grandmother wasn't home. He wouldn't just sit and listen to her when she needed to talk to him about her day or about something exciting that happened. Larissa talked a little bit to Nathan about it and then it was my turn. I told him that I have always been there for him and I will always be there for him. I give him everything that he needs and most of what he wants. And I will continue to do this for him but I expect respect in return. I also explained to him that his father hasn't been around, not because I haven't allowed it, but because he hasn't wanted to. Time is just not something that their father has chosen to make for them. When he decides to have time, that is when he calls or comes to visit, not just now but when we lived in RI too. I really wasn't rude about it, just matter of factly about it. It might sound horrible but it was nice to have an adult talk with him. I told him that I will always be here for him and I will always provide for him and I will always love him. Respect is a small price to pay for all that. I think that he really got it because he was clearly upset when he went to sleep but when he woke up, he came over to me and gave me a kiss and told me he loves me and hugged me. Sweet moments with my precious....BIG BOY !

I have always talked about the grudge that comes with doing it all and having part time fathers who take the glory because they do such great things the few times a year they are with them. I strictly speaking of the fathers who choose to only spend a couple of times a year with their children, not the ones that are restricted by visitation rights. I never put a restriction on visitation. He could see them anytime he wanted, I would share birthdays, holidays, you name it. I often shared these things with the rest of his family with him being absent by choice. I never thought I would ever talk to Nathan like that because I want him to see it for himself but he is getting older and I felt that he needed to really understand what is going on. I should explain that I have never ever talked bad about their father to them. I don't want their judgement of him to be about my words but about their experience with him. I was overloaded from the Halloween weekend and the teenage hormones in my house are getting out of control and I did something that I should not have done. But I did try to make the most out of the situation though. I really do feel horrible but now that it's done, I sort of feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my chest. URGH ! This parenting thing is so much harder as they get older. I am ready for the comments and judgement.