There was no fighting. I bent over backwards to help her. She chose to leave at 6am so that she didn't have to say goodbye to the kids or Jose. She did wake me up and I kissed her on the cheek, told her that I love her and have a safe trip. She looked at me and said "have a good day" and walked out the door. Wow, it was like she was just going to the store or something. She had no emotion at all. They left at 5:45am and returned at 6:45 because my mother forgot some important papers in a drawer. I asked them to keep me posted. John called me at 1pm to ask how to roll up her window when it gets stuck and I told him. Didn't think to ask where they were. I called them at 6pm since I still hadn't heard amything, they were in PA. I asked them to call me when they got into RI but nobody did. Larissa told me this morning that they arrived there at 11:30pm because she is good friends with my mother's best friend's grand-daughter. That is it. Still haven't heard from either one but they arrived safely there and now she is someone else's responsibility.
As for me....when she left in the morning and drove away, I broke down. I didn't expect it at all. I thought that I would feel relief for about a week and then it would hit me that she is gone. Intead I had a flood of emotions pour down onto my body. I was pissed, angry, upset, sad, happy, relieved, uplifted, amazed and scared. I felt like my body was being taken over and I cried for about 4 hours straight. Luckily the kids were sleeping and didn't know anything. Jose had no idea what to say or do. I told him that I just needed time and he gave me that. Although I feel better after talking to my best friend for hours and venting, I am still filled with all these emotions. I don't even feel like she deserves for me to feel this way. She doesn't deserve for me to shed any tears for her.
Her things. I had agreed to take all her boxes to storage after she was gone so that she could leave this weekend with John. It was our understanding that she would leave everything packed, Jose & I would pile it all in the garage until we could get them to storage. I was so pissed when I walked into her room and found that she left it all for me to pack. She simply packed up her Christmas stuff in one corner and packed the stuff she took with her. The rest is left for me to do. I can't beleive that all that time she had home alone, she didn't pack it at all. I can't believe that once again she is leaving yet another burden on me to do something. Even after the cold way that she left. If I was a different kind of person, I would put all her crap out on the curb on trash night and call it a day. But I can't do that because I have a heart. A heart that has been continuously walked over and stomped on by her repeatedly. She has no regard for anyone but herself.
I don't know who this woman is because this is NOT my mother.
I now start the healing process for me and just as importantly for Nathan. Of course the whole family will be feeling it too and has felt it...but Nathan and I have been the ones that have clearly been effected the most. I did everything that I could to make this not turn out this way. I have no doubt in my mind that this was the right thing but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Thank you all for helping me through this.
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