A Christmas Visitor ?

So today is another day and I really do want to try to keep up with the blog...you know, make it a happy ritual. I was thinking of what I wanted to talk while watching the kids play last night when I got a phone call. So that is what my topic is today.

Today I am going to vent about John, my ex-husband. He is supposed to be coming to visit Nathan and Larissa for Christmas. For those of you who know John, that doesn't really mean that he is coming. I have very mixed emotions about him coming down here. He has been telling the kids since July that he was coming but obviously he has never kept his word before so I have no reason to start believing him now. First he was coming down by plane, he even said that he got the ticket already but somehow that plane ticket changed into a bus ticket. Now that is some magic trick, isn't it? Before it changed into a bus ticket though, he said that he was driving down with his significant other. He said that they could spend the nights checking out the nightlife in Charlotte. Well Larissa wasn't having that. She spoke right up and told him that if he was coming to see her then he should be with her and not exploring the city with someone else. So it remains that as of right now his plan is still to come down by bus. What bus, who knows? He doesn't have the ticket yet. What a surprise and he called me yesterday to tell me that he wouldn't be coming down for two weeks like he had originally told the kids but he would be staying for only 2-3 days. Ok, so for me that is wonderful news. I am finally 800+ miles away from him and I still have to spend Christmas with him...I never spent Christmas with him since we split over ten years ago when I was only miles away. But I have to stop and think of the kids. I know that Nathan and Larissa would love to see that their father came all this way to see them and honestly I guess it would be nice to know that he cares enough to stop breaking promises to them. But how can he have no plans? 2-3 days, well which is it? Don't you think that the kids want to know how long he will be here for them or does he just plan on picking up and leaving when they get on his nerves. I guess only time will tell how this will unfold. I am determined to have a merry Christmas regardless of what happens.

Then there is Jose. He is so wonderful. He really wants John to come through for Nathan and Larissa just so that they won't be disappointed. I can imagine that it won't be the easiest thing for him but he hasn't complained once. He has been so much more to the kids than John has on so many levels. The most important of course has been just being there to teach them right from wrong and showing them what stability and commitment are all about. I should be ashamed to say this but I hate when Nathan and Larissa give their father too much credit for things. John does one nice thing and they say "look what daddy did". I know that I should be happy, I don't mean to put him down but what about all that Jose and I do for them. I know that they don't mean it like that and I feel so stupid saying it like that but it is truly what goes through my mind. I wouldn't dare say it out loud though. Jose and I talk about it all the time and he says that I just need to let things go and they will grow up and realize all that I have done for them. I know that he is right but it still hurts. So we are going to have a wonderful Christmas. I do not know what will happen but I do know that they have presents to put under the tree. Santa will visit our house this year for CJ so we will leave out milk and cookies and hopefully even get our fireplace going and drink some hot cocoa by the fire. It is going to be a good Christmas, come what may !