My Mother

So sometimes I get people that don't know me ask about my mom or my family in general. I tell them a condensed version and they apologize. Other times I get people who do know me ask about my mom. They ask if I have talked to her at all and when I say "no", they apologize. People always feel the need to apologize. I have always had the same response though. I don't want anyone to feel bad. I am really ok with what has happened. At least I thought I was ok until this weekend.
Truthfully, I know that I am ok but I had a bump in the road this weekend that sort of knocked me off my feet. For some reason I was thinking of the day she left. The day she actually packed up all her stuff and walked out the door. The day she walked away and never looked back. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She never looked back. She doesn't even acknowledge me. Wow! Don't get me wrong, I am not surprised. I actually knew it would be like this but maybe deep down inside, I hoped it wouldn't be. I don't want a relationship with my mother right now, not sure if I ever will because she has hurt me too much and my children too much but it kills me that she is acting as if I don't exist...as if I never existed. After everything. After risking it all to come to this country with me to keep me safe. After bringing me here to prevent my father from taking me from her. After taking care of me and then me taking care of her. After years of it just being her and I....she just walks away. Simple. Easy. Done.
I am not sure which emotion is the strongest in me now. I think that pissed certainly stands out the most. Right now the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that she is acting as though I did something wrong. It's not just that she is ignoring me but she is excluding me....not just from her life but from my brother and my sisters too.
Since she left for Portugal, things have not been the same between me and my brother and my sister. My brother tries hard to convince me that it's not anything that she says. On the kids birthdays I get emails from him a day or two later telling me how sorry he is that he didn't call but he got tied up at work. Like he doesn't have a wife and children that can call to say Happy Birthday. My sister never called so that doesn't surprise me as much but since she has been staying with her, I am sure she is the one getting more than an earful about me and all that I did wrong in her eyes. The deal with my brother has really gotten to me though. After insisting that nothing would change between us, it has. Not only have the calls stopped but so have the cards. Each year they would send the kids a card on their birthdays and mine too and I haven't seen one this year at all. So I know and it hurts. It hurts that my own mother is doing this to me. It hurts that she was able to walk away and not look back as if I intentionally hurt her. I did everything I could for things not to end up the way they did. I am not sure if it's because of the holidays or just a timing issue but it hurts more than I really want it to. She doesn't deserve to get this emotion from me. I don't want her to make me feel this way. I have actually managed to surpress it this whole time and it just sort of snuck up on me now. I know this is a temporary thing and it too will pass but right now, it's a lingering feeling that I wish I wasn't feeling.