Overwhelmed !

I am so overwhelmed with everything right now. I am trying to keep a grip on things and they seem to be slipping through my fingers, or at least that is how it feels today. Each step closer and I should feel less stress and yet I am feeling more overwhelmed. Mabye it's the thought that Jose will be leaving in two weeks and I will have the three kids by myself. Two of which really don't like me right now. Or maybe it's because I will be left with the daunting task of packing up the house pretty much by myself. Or maybe it's because my daughter has made it her mission in life to make this step in our lives be the hardest one ever.

All we ever want is for our families to be happy, our kids to be happy. The feeling of letting them down is one that you can't get past easily. I know that this too will pass. I know that once we are there and they are back with family and friends that all this will be forgotten. Do we all remember Larissa's big fight not to move to Concord High School? That was one of the best moves and she loves it there. And now I am dragging it away from her. Maybe it's the guilt in me that is eating me alive. The guilt that I took my kids over 800 miles away from all the family and friends that they knew to try to give them something better. The guilt of moving them from the schools they were comfortable with here to new schools only to realize that my kids can handle so much more than I give them credit for. And now this. After allowing them to get comfortable and call this home, I am taking it away...AGAIN.

Just hearing myself type these words makes me realize it's not all that bad. I am just having a bad day today...thanks to Larissa. The news of Jose getting the job was wonderful but it also was a dose of reality that slapped me in the face. The reality that he would be gone soon. The reality that we will be apart for four weeks. The reality of packing up and moving again. The reality of starting over again.

Unlike my daughter, I can see the good in things. I can't wait to see all the great family and friends that we have there that I miss so much. I can't wait to see my best friend and cry in her arms about how emotional I am. I can't wait to sit on Bianca's couch and watch the kids play on a regular basis. I can't wait to take a ride with Mayi so she can tell me how stupid I am being about this. I can't wait to have coffee at Mami & taste Papi's cooking again. I can't wait to see Diana get married. I can't wait to hang out at Amy's and spend more time with my godson and his new baby sister. I can't wait to play cards with Didi. I can't wait to have dinner with Danny. I will probably be mad when I realize that I am probably forgetting someone really important because I am just rambling. I look forward to Nathan and Larissa enjoying more time with their paternal grandmother while we have time with her...and CJ with his grandmother. I look forward to seeing some old friends that I have not been able to see on previous trips.

If this whole experience has taught me anything, it is that we think we have so much time to spend with the people we really care about and so much time to tell them how much they mean to us but life is really short. Each day is a blessing and tomorrow is not promised to us. So although this is a bad day, I am looking forward to the next step on our lives together.